I Found You
by patriciabzjm
Summary: Sometimes love is knocking at our door and we just can't see it. Will Arizona and Amelia realize what true love means before it's too late? Slow Arizona and Amelia burn. [english is not my first language, I apologize for my mistakes in grammar/spelling]
1. Chapter 1

"Amelia, you need to talk to someone about that, get this thing out of your head, relax a little!" – Maggie said and as soon as she spots Arizona coming, she opened a huge smile – "There! Arizona! She can help you!"

"How can I help?" – Arizona said, smiling, without a clue why her name was said with such an enthusiasm.

"In no way. Maggie, stop it!" – Amelia said, angrily.

"You need tips from someone experienced, Amelia. Stop being such a stubborn!" – Maggie exclaimed.

"What's happening? Is it a consult that you need?" – Arizona was intrigued.

"No!" – both Amelia and Maggie answered at the same time.

"Well, now I'm curious. What is it? How can I help? Oh! Are you pregnant?" – Arizona sounded excited.

"No! I'm not pregnant!" – Amelia shouted.

"Yeah, well, I thought you and Hunt were over since he left to Texas with his sister and…" – Arizona got interrupted.

"I'm not pregnant! At all!" – Amelia said, frowning, the common reaction every time she hears Owen's name.

"Oh! Do you want to get pregnant? Like, an artificial insemination? Are you going through the baby fever?" – Arizona was excited, smiling, and shooting a lot of questions.

"Great help, Maggie, thanks." – Amelia was sarcastic.

"Amelia has a date tonight, and she's nervous about it. Because it is with a lady" – Maggie said, smiling, making Amelia look embarrassed.

"Oh my God! Yay! That's awesome! Tell me, do I know her? Actually, first of all, welcome! To our, you know, our side! The best side!" – Arizona exclaimed.

"Arizona, please, help her because I ran out of options with this one! See you guys later!" – Maggie left for a surgery.

"Tell me, who is she? Do I know her? I know a whole bunch of lesbians in this hospital" – Arizona said.

"She doesn't work here. You don't know her. Actually, I don't know her either. We've only talked online" – Amelia was trying to enjoy the opportunity of having Arizona Robbins giving her date advice, even though she felt a little uncomfortable talking about this.

"Uh! Blind date! Exciting!" – Arizona exclaimed – "Ok, go on, details!"

"Details?" – Amelia asked, confused.

"Yeah, the basics. Name, age, profession, when is your date, where are you going, what are you expecting?" – Arizona asked.

"Why do I have the feeling you're far more excited about this than I am?" – Amelia asked, laughing.

"Because my ex-girlfriend left without saying goodbye or leaving a phone number. And I don't have a date since… well, forever. So, yes, I'm living through your life. Can you give me some details, please?" – Arizona explained, making Amelia laugh.

"Ok. Her name is Audrey, she's…" - Amelia got interrupted.

"Uh! I like it!" – Arizona exclaimed.

"Her name? You're weird, Robbins." – Amelia stated.

"Thank you. Go on. Audrey…" – Arizona said.

"She's 36, she's a lawyer, and we're supposed to go out tonight, but I don't know where, and right now I'm second guessing if I should really do this at all" – Amelia confessed.

"Well, why don't you try Joe's? It's close, it's a place you know, you can run away to the hospital if the date sucks…" – Arizona got interrupted.

"Run away? Will I want to run away?" – Amelia shouted.

"No! Of course, not, I was joking. Why are you so nervous about it? It's just a date!" – Arizona asked.

"Because the last time I've been with a woman I was 21. In med school. Drunk." – Amelia explained.

"Try to think about it as a regular date, with a man. Something you've done before and excel at it. What do you usually do on a date with a man?" – Arizona asked and now Amelia was feeling comfortable talking to her.

"Sex. Usually, I jump the date part and go straight to the sex part." – Amelia said and when she looked at Arizona, she shouted – "Don't judge me!"

"Not judging at all. If anything, I'm kind of jealous. Not about the man part, but the sex part. God, I miss sex. Anyway, lesbians love the sex part, too. But we're the whole package, you know? We can talk, we can laugh and we can have sex. Don't skip the date part; it's a good part. And definitely, a good prep for the sex part" – Arizona explained.

"But I don't wanna go to Joe's. Lots of familiar faces, that will make me nervous" – Amelia explained. – "Should a suggest a coffee, maybe?"

"At 9 pm? Maggie was right, you do need help!" – Arizona laughed – "Here. You should go to The Triple Door, in Union St. Great place, awesome live music, fantastic food, gay-friendly" – Arizona suggested.

"Do you think it's appropriate for a first date?" – Amelia asked, insecure.

"It's wonderful for a first date, believe me." – Arizona exclaimed.

"Thank you, Arizona. Triple Door it is, then!" – Amelia said.

"Let me know how it went!" – Arizona said and left the brunette reflecting.

Arizona really liked Amelia. After so much she went through, she was a strong and brilliant surgeon, and also an extremely funny person to be around. Arizona didn't know Amelia deeply well, but she surely would love to.

In the meantime, Amelia typed a text message to her date, using Arizona's suggestion.

 _Triple Door, 9 pm tonight. Heard it's a stunning place._

In the end of her shift, Arizona was getting dressed to leave the hospital. It was a busy and hard day to her. Two of her patients died after a week of struggling to survive. One was a premature baby and the other one was a mom. She couldn't help thinking how was going to be the life of this survivor mother who just lost her baby and the life of the survivor baby who lost his mother. Life can be quite unfair sometimes.

She checked her watch to see it was almost time for Amelia's date. She texted her friend.

 _Just relax and enjoy the night. It's going to be awesome!_

A few minutes after that, her phone buzzed with a text, from Amelia, in response to hers.

 _Thanks, Robbins. I might freak out soon, so keep your phone close to you!_

Arizona laughed. Amelia was quite a character sometimes.


	2. Chapter 2

On the next day, a big storm was taking over Seattle. The ER was expecting a lot of victims from landslides and car accidents. Even though it was still 9 am, the skies were so dark it looked like nighttime.

Arizona arrived all soaked at the reception, trying to take off her wet jacket. Amelia saw her struggling with the jacket and smiled.

"Robbins, did you come swimming?" – Amelia joked.

"Have you seen the storm outside? I haven't seen one of these in years!" – Arizona exclaimed, pissed off. – "Oh my God! How did it go yesterday?"

"Horrible. Worst than this storm" – Amelia sounded disgusted.

"What? Why? You didn't text me, so I assumed you had a great time!" – Arizona said, a little disappointed with the news.

"I was totally relaxed after our conversation. And the place is great, indeed. So when I sat there, I just took a deep breath and started to enjoy the place, the music…" – Amelia began to explain.

"Then why it was horrible?" – Arizona was confused.

"The woman was a pain in the ass, Robbins. I mean, really, really annoying!" – Amelia said, trying to emphasize how awful the woman was.

"Why? What did she do?" – Arizona couldn't help laughing at Amelia's expression.

"She just kept talking about herself, and how an amazing lawyer she is, how an amazing lesbian she is. Oh, my God, I was actually dying on the inside!" – Amelia confessed.

"Wait a minute. Do you think she was all of that or it was all in your head because you were insecure about going out on a date with a woman?" – Arizona asked.

"I swear to God, it was her. I am actually pretty happy I went on a date with a woman. I just picked the worst one available!" – Amelia joked.

"I'm sorry! But hey, there are other fishes in the water! Keep trying!" – Arizona said, leaving towards the attending's room so she could change into her scrubs.

After the rounds, Arizona and Alex were making a surgical plan on a 5-year-old boy who had an aggressive tumor on his spine.

"Poor thing, he must be in a horrible amount of pain for so long. Why did she wait to take him to the doctor?" – Arizona said to Alex.

"She's a single mom, work in heavy shifts to get the kid some comfort. I understand her. It's tough being a single parent" – Karev said and Arizona looked at him compassionately.

"Does she reminds you of your mom?" – Arizona asked.

"Not really. We had both parents for a while. After my dad was gone, my mom was diagnosed with schizophrenia and I had to take care of my siblings and myself. I wish I had this woman as a mother" – Alex confessed.

"Anyway, we must figure it out how to remove it entirely without having him paralyzed. Any suggestions?" – Arizona asked.

"We should start from the bottom, maybe L5?" – Alex asked.

"We can't, it's too deep rooted in there. We need to have clearer margins before we get to that area" – Arizona said, pointing to the films on the negatoscope.

"Crap. It's all over his spine. Maybe we should have Shepherd in here" – Alex suggested.

Arizona paged Amelia to help them with the surgical plan, while Alex left to speak with the boy's mom.

"Did you page?" – Amelia said, smiling.

"Yeah, I did. I need a consult. More of an opinion, actually" – Arizona said.

"All right, what do we got?"- Amelia asked.

"Tumor in the spine of a 5-year-old boy" – Arizona said, finishing writing something on the patient's chart.

"Sad. Is it operable?" – Amelia asked.

"You tell me" – Arizona said, turning on the negatoscope.

"Jesus freaking Christ. It's a hell of a tumor!" – Amelia exclaimed.

"Yes. We can't start on the bottom because it's rooted too deeply in there, and up in here, we're risking paralysis." – Arizona sounded defeated.

"I need to study this for a little while. How much time do we have?" – Amelia asked.

"Not much, the boy is in an excruciating pain already. He's on the maximum dose of pain killers for his age and I'm starting to worry about his heart and kidneys" – Arizona explained.

"Ok. Give me this afternoon. I'll look into it" – Amelia took the films and smiled at Arizona.

"Thanks, Amelia. You're my biggest hope!" – Arizona said.

"Yeah, well, you owe me dinner now, it's a win win" – Amelia joked and left the room.

Amelia was locked inside an exam room staring at the films and trying to come up with a plan to operate on the boy's tumor. Maggie knocked on the door and entered quietly.

"Hey, you! I was looking all over the place for you, we were supposed to have lunch!" – Maggie said.

"Oh my God, Maggie, I'm so sorry, I completely forgot, I need to figure out some tumor battle now" – Amelia apologized and a sound echoed from her phone.

Amelia took her phone out of her lab coat pocket and quickly discard the text, putting the phone in the pocket again.

"Who was that? Was it the girl from last night? How was it?" – Maggie asked, excited.

"No, it's from another woman. The date was horrible. I thought doctors were self-centered and arrogant, but I guess lawyers can be worse" – Amelia said.

"No way! Seriously? But did you…. You know… had sex?" – Maggie asked, curiously.

"We didn't even kiss, it was that bad." – Amelia explained.

"I'm sorry. Who knew women could be as awful as men sometimes, right?" – Maggie stated.

"Well, I hope I have better luck next time" – Amelia said, laughing.

"And this one, from the text, are you going on a date with her?" – Maggie asked.

"I don't know. Right now I'm on a date with this tumor. Let's see how it goes" – Amelia joked.

Amelia stood up staring at the films and writing many notes on a piece of paper and throwing them away next. She kept talking to herself trying to convince herself to do the surgery, but all the ways seemed impossible. Either the boy was going to die at the surgery or he was going to be paralyzed.

A knock on the door woke her up from her surgical trance.

"May I come in?" – Arizona said, with a soft voice.

"Sure, yes, come in" – Amelia answered – "I don't have an answer yet, I'm trying to figure it out how can I start it"

"Don't worry, that's not why I came. Actually, I just was thinking about your date, I mean, your bad date, and I wanted to tell you that it was just a bad date, nothing more. You will have a good one, eventually. Sometimes, we just have to take baby steps, and go slowly. So, don't give up!" – Arizona said, rubbing Amelia's shoulder.

"Thank you, Robbins. It means a lot!" – Amelia said and as soon as Arizona left the room, an idea hit her right on the head.

"Yes! That's it! Baby steps!" – Amelia exclaimed, alone.

Quickly she gathered all of the films and labs, played her whole plan again in her head and went straight to the Peds ward to speak with Alex and Arizona.

"I can do it. We can do it. The surgery" – Amelia said, leaving Alex and Arizona gaped. They weren't expecting this answer, and surely not with such certainty.

"How? I mean, where do we start?" – Arizona said, still surprised.

"We need to do it slowly. In parts. We'll start with the easiest, take a piece out, close him, give him chemo and radiation, and then start over until the deepened part becomes accessible." – Amelia guided them through her idea.

"He'll need several surgeries. I don't think that's good" – Alex protested.

"It's not perfect, but it's his only chance. Kids heal faster and he has a pretty good chance of being tumor free in a short time" – Amelia explained, trying to receive some answer from Arizona.

"How many surgeries?" – Alex asked.

"I can't say. We'll need to see how fast his body reacts to the radiation and chemo, and how easy will become to remove the tumor from his lower back" – Amelia explained and Arizona remained in silence.

"What do you think?" – Alex asked Arizona.

"Do you think it will work?" – Arizona asked Amelia.

"I think it's the best shot we have" – Amelia answered.

"I'm not confident. I think we'll put him to even more pain than he is right now" – Alex stated.

"Well, do you have a better idea, Karev?" – Arizona asked him.

"No" – Alex answered.

"So that's it. We'll do it like Amelia suggested. Can you come with us to speak with his mom?" – Arizona asked Amelia, who nodded yes.


	3. Chapter 3

After a long conversation with the boy's mother, the two women left the room confident about the surgery. Amelia booked the OR to the next morning and Arizona asked Alex to run all of the labs they'll need to make sure the boy was ready to go.

"Are you done for the day?" – Arizona asked Amelia.

"I am, what about you?" – Amelia asked.

"Yeah, me too. Do you wanna grab something to eat? I'm starving!" – Arizona suggested.

"Yeah, sure. Just give me a few minutes, I need to cancel something" – Amelia said.

"Oh, wait, do you have a date tonight? Don't cancel it!" – Arizona shouted.

"I'm not actually excited to go, that's ok, I told her maybe I would need to work late tonight" – Amelia said.

"No, Amelia, go on your date, enjoy your night. In the worst case scenario you will eat something and have a funny story to share with me tomorrow before the surgery" – Arizona said, smiling.

"But aren't you starving? Let's eat something and maybe I can do the date thing after that" – Amelia suggested, holding Arizona's hand.

"No way, I'll get something on the way home and you go on your date and have some fun!" – Arizona said, hugging Amelia, who had a lost stare, like a child afraid of taking another step further.

At the date, Amelia was trying to stay connected to the conversation with the woman, but her mind was elsewhere. The woman was funny and sweet, but Amelia wasn't enjoying anything. Maybe she needed to get some sleep and prepare herself for the boy's surgery the next day.

"Hey, is everything ok? You seem distant, quiet. Am I boring you?" – the woman asked Amelia.

"No! No, I'm sorry, of course, you're not boring me. I'm just tired, I had a long day and I have a big surgery tomorrow. Do you mind if we called it the night? I'm sure I'm not being a good company anyway" – Amelia explained.

"Of course, you don't need to apologize. I understand it. Let's go!" – the woman said and reached out her hand to pick Amelia's.

As they were leaving the bar towards the parking lot, they were both in silence, and Amelia felt a little embarrassed for being annoying. The woman seemed nice and surely was hot, and Amelia knew that she was doing a big effort to start some conversations hoping Amelia would say something different than surgery or hospital. When they arrived next to Amelia's car, the woman picked up her hand and looked deep into Amelia's eyes and kissed her.

"Have a good night and good luck on your important surgery tomorrow" – the woman said and left Amelia there.

"Uhm… thank you…" – Amelia said, with such a soft voice that the woman surely didn't hear it.

Amelia went back home a little confused about the date. She wasn't expecting the kiss, however, it wasn't a bad surprise. She wanted to talk with her sisters, but both of them were on call at the hospital.

 _Damn it, I'm sounding like a 13 years old girl who needs to tell her BFFs about a stupid kiss. Ugh!_ – Amelia kept thinking while driving back home.

Ready to sleep and get a good rest to face the next day, Amelia texted Arizona.

 _Maybe second time is a charm. My date went well, I guess. Good night! Xx_

It took just a few minutes for Arizona to answer her.

 _Yay! Can't wait to hear the details. Have a good night, Amy!_

 _Amy?_ Amelia felt weird reading this nickname, which only Derek used to call her. But it wasn't a bad feeling, coming from Arizona it sounded sweet.

On the next day, Amelia arrived earlier at the hospital and was locked inside a room going through the films over again. She needed to succeed. She needed that feeling again.

A soft knock on the door made Amelia opened up a smile right away. She knew this knock, it was Arizona and her brightened spirit coming to wish her good luck. Arizona was a good friend, a good person. Amelia loved to work with her.

"Come in!" – Amelia shouted.

"Hey, you! I figured you were probably in here. Is everything ok for the surgery?" – Arizona asked.

"Yes, I was just playing it in my head again. 2 o'clock, right?" – Amelia asked.

"Right. And how are you? Do you want to tell me about the date?" – Arizona asked.

"Can we do that after the surgery? I rather concentrate on medicine right now, I guess your patient will be more satisfied" – Amelia joked, making Arizona giggles.

"You're probably right. I'll leave you alone, then. See you later!" – Arizona said and left the room.

The morning went out quickly and soon the three of them were in the scrub room getting prepared for the surgery. Amelia was quiet, while Alex was complaining about one of the new interns.

"I swear to God, the interns are getting worse by the day" – Alex vented.

"You were pretty bad yourself when you were an intern, so shut up and teach them better. You need to be the new me!" – Arizona said, smiling, and they entered the OR.

"Ok, everybody. Let's do that" – Amelia said, softly.

After more than 6 hours operating, the first surgery was better than expected. More than half of the tumor was removed and the boy was stable the whole time. Arizona and Amelia worked very well together, helping each other and predicting each other's move before they needed to say anything. They often smiled to each other, even though they could only see it through the eyes, because of the masks. Alex found it strange how close and intimate they seemed but didn't say anything.

When it was done, Alex left the OR to take the boy to the post op, while Arizona and Amelia went looking for the boy's mother to explain how the surgery went.

"Mrs. Lockhart" – Arizona called her.

"Hi, how did it go? Is he ok? Is he alive?" – the mother sounded pretty worried.

"He's fine, Dr. Shepherd was able to remove more than half of the tumor. Now we need to follow up closely his recovery and schedule the chemo and radiation sessions, so we can think about the next surgery" – Arizona explained and the woman started crying.

"It was a success, Mrs. Lockhart. Better than expected. Now, do you want to see him?" – Amelia asked, and the woman nodded yes.

After leaving the boy's room, the two of them went to the cafeteria to have some coffee, since both of them had to stay at the hospital at least for a couple hours more.

"So, now do you want to tell me how your date was?" – Arizona said while they were sitting down.

"I was completely distant, thinking about the surgery, about everything except the date. And she kind of noticed that" – Amelia started telling.

"Wait, I thought you said it was a good date?" – Arizona was confused.

"Well, after I said I needed to go, we were at the parking lot and she kissed me. Kissed me and left. So, I don't know, maybe women like this distant thing?" – Amelia joked.

"Or she liked you despite the distant thing. Was it good? She's a good kisser?" – Arizona asked.

"I wasn't expecting. It wasn't bad, but I was more relieved that it happened, otherwise it would be a failure again" – Amelia said.

"You still don't sound like you're enjoying this." – Arizona sounded concerned.

"I don't know. I just don't feel comfortable, you know? It's not fun, I guess. It feels like a test, like a class that I can't skip it in order to get approved in the end" – Amelia confessed.

"Do you think that's because it is with women?" – Arizona asked.

"I don't know. I don't date in such a long time" – Amelia said.

"Can I ask you something? Maybe too personal" – Arizona asked.

"Yes, of course"

"Why did you decide to date women?"

"I don't know. I think I have been also attracted to women for a long time, but I ended up dating men only. Then Maggie installed this dating app thing on my phone and you can choose whether you want to look for men or women, and I thought: well, why not try both? And then, it happened" – Amelia explained, and then continued – "Why? Do you think I'm not cut out to date women?"

"Don't be silly. I just wanted to understand. It shouldn't feel like an obligation, though. Did you feel attracted to her?" – Arizona asked.

"She was pretty, no doubt. But I don't know, I can't explain. It's not the women thing, for sure, but it was just not fun. Am I a lost cause?" – Amelia asked, making sad eyes to Arizona.

"Maybe. Let's try something: we still need to be here for another couple of hours, but we'll have tomorrow morning off, which means we can go to Joe's when our shift is over, have some drinks, I mean, I will have some drinks, we can talk and flirt, and see if you find it a little more fun. What do you say?" – Arizona suggested.

"Deal. It's a date! I mean, a friendly date" – Amelia laughed.


	4. Chapter 4

After their shift they met at the attending's lounge and changed into their regular clothes and headed out to Joe's.

"If I knew you were going to suggest that, I would have chosen a better outfit" – Amelia confessed.

"You look gorgeous, Amelia. Now, let's be lesbians having some fun, and see if you want to join this team" – Arizona joked.

They kept laughing and looking to some girls all night, even though none of them tried anything. They didn't want to, actually. The night couldn't be more fun than that. They told each other stories from their medschool time, Arizona's first girlfriend, Amelia's time in rehab – and even with this delicate subject, they weren't sad or uncomfortable.

"Well, well, well, Amy, I think there's a cute redhead interested in you" – Arizona said, already a little tipsy.

"Where? Wait, don't point. Just tell me with your head her direction" – Amelia said.

"On your left, redhead, blue top, nice ass" – Arizona said.

"Well, well, well, it looks like someone is drunk! She's a neuro nurse, and she's probably looking at me because she's trying to find if I'm drinking soda or vodka" – Amelia said.

"She's not! And who cares if she's a nurse? Nurses are hot, Amy!" – Arizona said, laughing.

"I don't date at work anymore. I'm done with that. But maybe you should invest in her" – Amelia suggested, even though she was hoping Arizona thought about it as a joke.

"I would, but she only has eyes for you, so I'll spare myself from the humiliation." – Arizona joked.

"Well, she would be an idiot to say no to you" – Amelia said, smiling.

"Aw, Amy, you're cute" – Arizona was more than tipsy now.

"Why do you call me Amy" – Amelia asked her.

"Because it's a short for Amelia. Wait. Don't you like it? Do you hate it? Oh my God, you hate it. Why didn't you tell me earlier? I've been calling you Amy for hours!" – Arizona apologized.

"I like it. Derek used to call me Amy. I like it" – Amelia said and held Arizona's hand.

"Are you sure? I can find you another nickname if you want me to" – Arizona smiled.

"And what would it be?" – Amelia was curious.

"Neuro goddess. Or Lesbian Goddess. Or Neuro Lesbian" – Arizona joked.

"Let's stick with Amy and that's good. You're drunk, I need to take you home" – Amelia said, getting up.

"No! I don't wanna leave Amy" – Arizona protested.

"Well, you're thanking me tomorrow when the hangover comes knocking you over. Come on, I'll drive you home" – Amelia said.

"My car is here, I think I'm going to sleep at the hospital" – Arizona said.

"No, you won't. I'll drive you home and give you a ride tomorrow morning. You will want to sleep in your bed, trust me" – Amelia said.

When they arrived at Arizona's house, Amelia looked at her and smiled: she was sleeping already in the car.

"Peds goddess, wake up. We're here" – Amelia said softly, fondling Arizona's hair.

"What? Oh, I'm sorry, I fell asleep. Thank you for the ride." – Arizona said, rubbing her eyes.

"You're welcome. Have some water and an aspirin. I'll call you tomorrow, ok?" – Amelia said.

"Thanks, Amy. Good night" – Arizona said, smiling.

"Good night" – Amelia said and waited until Arizona entered her house to leave.

That was a good and fun night, for sure.

It felt like only five minutes of sleep until Arizona's phone started ringing. Arizona tried to muffle the sound, pressing the pillow against her head. She didn't want to wake up. Or pick up the call. She just wanted to sleep and cure her headache.

Since the phone wouldn't stop ringing, she had to answer it.

"Hello" – Arizona said, with a sleepy voice.

"Wake up, Robbins. I'm leaving home in 5 to pick you up" – Amelia said, excited.

"Why are you so happy this early in the morning? Jesus…" – Arizona complained.

"Because I don't have a hangover dominating me right now. Unlike you, right? And it's not morning. It's almost noon!" – Amelia joked.

"It's not right for you to glow about this. I'm dying in here" – Arizona confessed.

"I can imagine. Get up. Take a shower. I'll be there in a few minutes" – Amelia said and hang up the call.

Arizona could barely drag herself to the shower. After the shower, she just picked the first pair of jeans she saw in her closet, with a silk blouse and tried to brush her hair when she heard Amelia knocking on the door. She went downstairs to open it, and picked up her black coat hanging next to the door.

"Good morning! I brought you some coffee, I figured you'll need it" – Amelia greeted her.

"Oh, I love you so much right now. I really needed it. Let me just pick up my purse and we can go" – Arizona said.

"If you need a few more minutes to brush your hair, it's fine. I mean, unless you like to go on public with half of it brushed" – Amelia joked, making Arizona frown. – "Oh, come on, Robbins, it's just a little morning joke"

"Well, don't blame me for not being such amused by them. It's hard to think this morning, my head hurts" – Arizona said.

"I know you're suffering, but I need to say, we had such a good time last night" – Amelia commented.

They left Arizona's house and entered Amelia's car, heading to the hospital.

"So, big day today?" – Amelia tried to start a conversation.

"I so hope not. I can't deal big today" – Arizona answered, laughing.

"Do you even remember something about last night?" – Amelia asked, laughing.

"Of course I do. We were at Joe's, I drink lots of gin tonic, I think there was a redhead involved somewhere over the night…" – Arizona said.

"Yes, there was. The neuro nurse. That's all you remember?" – Amelia insisted.

"Oh God, don't say I did something stupid! Did I?" – Arizona asked, worried.

"Well, it depends on what you consider stupid" – Amelia laughed.

"Oh God! Did I hit on you?" – Arizona asked, embarrassed.

"I wouldn't say that, but you gave me nicknames" – Amelia answered.

"Oh, thank God!" – Arizona sighed.

"Oh, thank you, I didn't know hitting on me would be such a horrible thing for you, Robbins" – Amelia said, pretending to be offended.

"Of course, not! But we're becoming friends, good friends, I would hate to ruin that by being stupidly drunk" – Arizona justified – "What were the nicknames?"

"Neuro Goddess. And Lesbian Goddess" – Amelia said, laughing, making Arizona laugh too.

"Oh God. At least they were sweet, right? No regrets from me!" – Arizona joked.


	5. Chapter 5

They arrived at the hospital and said goodbye before heading to different directions. Arizona wanted another coffee before starts to see how the earlier rounds were, while Amelia wanted to check on the boy after the major surgery from yesterday.

Luckily, the boy was doing better than expected, making Amelia more confident about her surgical plan. Meanwhile, Maggie was weirdly smiling at her, like she wanted to say something.

"What?" – Amelia asked, confused.

"You got home pretty late last night" – Maggie said, still smiling.

"And?" – Amelia was still confused.

"Oh come on, Amelia! Tell me!" – Maggie insisted.

"Tell you what, woman?" – Amelia laughed.

"Were you on a date? Did you have sex? I'm involved now, you have to tell me about your love life!" – Maggie exclaimed.

"I wasn't on a date, I went out for drinks with Arizona. Well, she had the drinks, not me. Anyway, that was it" – Amelia said and looked back again at her charts.

"Wait. Are you and Arizona dating?" – Maggie asked, even more interested now.

"What? No! We're friends. God, Maggie, you are the one who needs to get laid, you're imagining things" – Amelia joked. – "I gotta go, now. See you later?"

"Yeah, whatever. You were better when you had date-doubts to share with me" – Maggie said, frowning, making Amelia laugh.

Amelia locked herself inside an on call room and entered on her date app. She wasn't a big fan of it, but she knew some casual sex would make more good than harm for her, after the traumatic divorce with Owen. Somehow, she ended up disappointed with all the men in her life. First, her dad, who died when she was just a little girl. Then, her boyfriend, who not only died beside her but also was responsible for her addiction. When she thought that maybe life would go easier on her, Derek died. Her brother, her favorite person in the whole world died leaving her alone all over again. Owen was never a true love, she knew that now. But he was enough when she had nothing else. He helped her and she learned how to love him. The thing is: love wasn't enough, both of them needed more. She was really afraid to say it out loud, but she was traumatized. And that's the main reason why she decided to look out for women instead of men. She wouldn't risk losing another man again.

She had some meaningless chats with random women for about 20 minutes before she went back to the OR. Although she really wanted to go out and have sex, it seemed like there weren't many women who made her feel like it was worth to try. Then, she remembered Arizona's word: " _that was just a bad date"._ Maybe she was right. She needed to try again.

She set up a date for that evening. She would try the Triple Door again.

In the OR, she was working with Jo Wilson on an aneurysm. It was a pretty easy and standard surgery, but somehow, a domino effect happened. Everything started to go wrong in a short period of time.

"Pressure is dropping!" – Wilson shouted.

"Where is it coming from? The brain looks fine" – Amelia was intrigued.

"His heart is stopping, Dr. Shepherd. What do we do?" – Wilson sounded worried.

"Give me a minute, Wilson" – Amelia remained calm, she had to find the source of bleeding.

"Dr. Shepherd, he's going to die! We need to give me some epi" – Wilson shouted again.

"Dr. Wilson, do you need to step out and get yourself together? Otherwise, I will need you to stay calm, I'm not crazy, I know what I'm doing. Give a minute before you fill him with meds that will help his brain to bleed out" – Amelia said, calmly, without taking her eyes off the man's brain. – "Come here, I need you to help me increase his craniotomy"

"Ok, drill please?" – Wilson asked the nurse and then turned back to Amelia – "I'm sorry, Dr. Shepherd"

"Yeah, no problem, go faster, but don't go further inside the brain, please" – Amelia instructed her.

"Oh my God, right there, the bleeding" – Wilson exclaimed.

"He had another aneurysm that burst out. We saved him, Wilson" – Amelia was smiling.

After a few more hours they were able to control the bleeding and clipped both aneurysms. Amelia left the OR smiling and ready for her date. She was feeling awesome.

"Hey, it looks like someone had a good day" – Arizona said, smiling at her.

"I did, indeed. Just saved a man's life and I have a date" – Amelia said.

"Wow, Dr. Shepherd, you're up in your game. Well, have a good date, then" – Arizona said, smiling, even though she looked a little disappointed.

"What? What is it?" – Amelia asked.

"Nothing, why?" – Arizona asked, confused.

"You had a look" – Amelia pointed.

"A look? I did not have a look" – Arizona answered.

"You did. Do you think I'm a slut? That I had too many dates already?" – Amelia started to sound insecure.

"Don't be silly, Amy. I was about to invite you to my place and do something, that's all. But it's awesome that you have a date! Go! You don't wanna end like me, old and homely" – Arizona joked.

"You're not old, and I can cancel my date. We can watch some movie or something" – Amelia suggested, even though she wasn't expecting this.

"Of course you won't cancel. Go! Get lost! Text me later and tell me how it went. Maybe tonight is the night!" – Arizona smiled and left.

 _Yeah, well, maybe._ – Amelia thought to herself.


	6. Chapter 6

Amelia went home to take a quick shower and ran to the Triple Door. She was running late already and didn't want to cause a bad impression. When she arrived, she spotted a woman sitting on the bar, alone, and Amelia recognizes her from the app photo. She was stunning: a brunette with green eyes, short hair and a killing dress that made Amelia think _wow_ to herself. She just needed to be present and talk, instead of thinking about anything else in the world, as she was doing the past times.

Meanwhile, Arizona arrived home alone and found DeLuca rushing, like he was running late to something, except he just left the hospital a few hours ago after a 30-hour shift.

"Hey, slow down, why you're in such a hurry?" – Arizona asked her friend.

"I'm sorry, I fell asleep but I'm already leaving, I just need to pick up my wallet upstairs and I'll be gone" – DeLuca explained and Arizona was confused.

"But why? Do you need to be somewhere right now?" – Arizona asked, intrigued.

"No, but you said you're having a date in here, so I wanted to leave before you arrive to leave the house for you!" – DeLuca explained.

"Date? No, honey, I'm sorry! I was going to invite Amelia over to watch a movie and eat something, that wasn't a date! Sorry that it made you think you needed to leave!" – Arizona explained, laughing.

"Oh. In that case, I'm staying, I'm so exhausted that I can't think of a better place other than my bed now" – DeLuca said, relieved.

That made Arizona reflect on how her invitation sounded. It wasn't a date. Did Amelia think it was a date? Did she need to clarify that with her?

She took a shower and went downstairs to watch a movie alone. She couldn't help thinking about Amelia and that was quite weird. She decided to text her, to see how the date was going and if she needed a good excuse to leave it.

 _I suck at choosing movies, so I already lost an hour of my life watching a crap movie and can't seem to find a way to stop my misery. How is your date going?_

By the time Amelia saw the text, she was heavily concentrated on the date and the conversation she was having with the woman. She found inappropriate to answer it in the middle of the talk, so she just kept her phone inside her purse again.

"Is it an emergency? You can answer it if you need to" – the woman said.

"No, don't worry, it's just a friend, no emergency. So, tell me, did you enjoy living in Barcelona? I went there as a teenager and had the best time of my life…" – Amelia went back to the subject, and both women seemed comfortable.

After a few hours at the bar, the woman invited Amelia to her house. Before she could second guess or be afraid, she just answered yes, which made her feel good and weird at the same time. Normally she wouldn't accept it or she would put a lot of thinking about her decision, and that time it seemed so natural. Natural was weird to Amelia, but she decided to enjoy her date.

In the woman's house, a small apartment, but surely well decorated and cozy, they sat on the couch and started kissing, which quickly got intense and ended up in the woman's bed. Amelia was a little embarrassed to tell the woman she didn't have sex with a woman in ages, so she might feel a little lost. That was definitely not a sexy thing to say in bed, so she chose to stay quiet and let the woman lead the way.

The sex was good, but definitely not amazing, due to Amelia's insecurity. They remained laid down in bed, breathing heavily and in silence, which was usually the sign for Amelia to get up and leave, as any other casual sex she had. But this time, before Amelia could think of it, the woman just turned around and cuddled her, making it hard for Amelia to just call it a night.

Before she realized, they both fell asleep. Amelia woke up around 5 am a little lost and confused, until she saw the woman sleeping next to her. She kissed the woman on the cheek and said softly:

"Hey, beautiful, I have to go now, I need to be at the hospital in less than 2 hours"

"Already? That sucks, you're nice to sleep with" – the woman said, smiling.

"That's who I am: neuro surgeon AND a good sleeper" – Amelia joked, making the other woman laugh.

"Can I invite you over some other time?" – the woman asked.

"I hope you do" – Amelia said, kissed the woman on the lips and left the room, looking for her clothes that were spread all over the living room, and quickly left the apartment.

Strangely on her way to the hospital, all Amelia could think of was Arizona. She felt weird for not answering her last night, but it wouldn't make any sense to just answer it now. She wanted so bad to tell her about her date and sex, but at the same time, she didn't want to talk to her about that, she just wanted to know what was the horrible movie she had chosen or when they could watch some terrible movie together. That feeling made Amelia confused and intrigued about herself.

Amelia knew how to be alone. She worked hard on that almost her entire life. Since she moved to Seattle, she got used to count on people. Suddenly she could cry on her brother's shoulders, or be afraid of nothing with Maggie, and even have some huge arguments with Meredith. No matter what was the reason, she had people now. So, because of that, she suddenly saw Arizona as her people, one of them, one that she could count on. Something inside of her was telling that she was special in a particular way, one that Amelia was maybe too afraid to acknowledge.

When she arrived at the hospital, she bumped into Meredith near the OR board.

"Hey! Maggie said you had a date last night. I haven't seen you at home this morning, so I'm assuming it was good!" – Meredith said, smiling.

"Yeah, I think so" – Amelia answered, a little distracted.

"What's wrong? You don't seem excited" – Meredith asked.

"Can I talk to you, for a second? In private?" – Amelia asked, in a soft voice, trying not to drag anyone's attention.

"Of course" – Meredith said and found an empty supply room where they could talk in private. – "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. I mean, nothing's wrong, apparently. But something feels wrong inside of me" – Amelia confessed.

"What? What is it? Is it about the date?" – Meredith asked, kind of nervous about what might be disturbing her sister.

"Kind of" – Amelia said.

"Amelia, you'll need to elaborate this for me, I'm not good in guessing" – Meredith said.

"Well, I had a couple of weird dates, and then this one from last night was good. Good talk, good kiss, great sex. I'm supposed to be happy, but I feel weird" – Amelia explained.

"Why do you feel weird? I mean, what do you feel weird about? The woman thing?" – Meredith said, a little confused.

"No. I'm fine with dating woman. I just feel like although it was good, and I definitely would do it again, I kind of wish it was with someone else" – Amelia said and immediately she regretted saying that out loud.

"Who? Who do you want to be with instead of this woman? Owen? Is that it?" – Meredith asked.

"Jesus, no. I'm completely over him, I've moved on, 100%. You know what? Forget it. I am a little overwhelmed, that's all. It was a good date, it will be a good date again." – Amelia said and opened the door.

"Amelia?" – Meredith called her, but she just left.


	7. Chapter 7

On the next hour, Meredith and Arizona were operating together on a pregnant woman who discovered a tumor on her left kidney.

"So, how's Sofia?" – Meredith asked Arizona.

"She's fine, excited about going back to school after the winter break. She's growing up so fast; Callie told me she started to reject clothes already. Did that happen to Zola too?" – Arizona asked.

"Yep. We're there, too. I miss Sofia, she's such a lovely girl" – Meredith commented.

"Yeah, me too. I miss her so much it hurts. But on the other hand, I'm happy she's doing great in NY and she's excited about the city as well" – Arizona pointed.

"You're an amazing mother, Arizona. I don't know if I would be so gracious as you were with Callie. The way you've handled it was altruistic" – Meredith said and Arizona could tell she was smiling behind her mask.

"Thank you. Whenever you need help with the kids, please, count on me. I miss hanging around them and I'm sure sometimes they can be a handful, right?" – Arizona said.

"Oh, you have no idea. I'm really lucky having Maggie and Amelia, but they have their lives, too. Sometimes an extra set of hands can be very helpful in my house, so come whenever you feel like!" – Meredith said, laughing.

"Great, deal. I can baby sit them for you every now and then" – Arizona stated.

"Have you talked to Amelia today?" – Meredith asked.

"No, I haven't seen her around. Why?" – Arizona asked.

"I don't know, she sounded weird. About her date last night" – Meredith said.

"Was it bad? Was she sad about it?" – Arizona asked, concerned.

"I don't know. She said it was good, better than she expected, but she wished it was someone else, but then she just told me to forget about it. I think she might be scared of dating women, I don't know" – Meredith said but before Arizona could answer something, the patient's pressure started to drop and both doctors had to rush to save her.

After a little while performing some extreme measures, they've managed to bring the woman back to life. She was now stable, even though she was still critical.

When the surgery was done, Arizona kept thinking about what Meredith said. Who could be this person Amelia wanted to date instead of these women from the app? As soon as this thought came into Arizona's head, she had to scold herself.

 _Stop tripping, Arizona. Stop being delusional._

At lunch, Arizona decided to eat in her office, she was afraid to run into Amelia and act weird, like a teenager, over something she didn't even feel. Or at least she would like to believe in that.

Meanwhile, Meredith, Amelia, Alex, and Maggie were all eating together at the cafeteria.

"Did the woman survive, Mer?" – Maggie asked.

"She did. Arizona made a miracle to save her without risking the early labor" – Meredith answered.

"Where is she? Why isn't she having lunch with us?" – Amelia asked and all of them looked weirdly at her.

"I don't know, we didn't schedule a lunch date, Amelia. Maybe you should've invited her, instead" – Meredith said, noticing Amelia blushing a little bit.

A few hours later, Amelia's phone was buzzing nonstop with texts. That was Jamie, her date from last night, trying to convince her to come over again tonight. Amelia was avoiding answer the texts because she wanted to tell Arizona first how was the date, but the day was almost ending and she still hadn't seen her around.

When she was about to answer Jamie telling her she couldn't make it that night, Arizona appeared on the elevator.

"Hey! I looked for you all day" – Amelia exclaimed, a little more excited than she planned to.

"Oh, busy day… I barely could have a cup of coffee" – Arizona explained, while was looking at her phone.

"I'm sorry I haven't texted you back last night, it was sort of late already. So, bad movie, hum?" – Amelia asked.

"Yeah, no problem. I guess your date went well, then?" – Arizona asked.

"Oh, it did. I guess. I'm thinking about maybe have a little break on this dating thing" – Amelia said, hoping that Arizona would show some support and they could get closer.

"You're being silly. Enjoy while you can, when it's still just sex and fun, you'll miss it later" – Arizona said, a little harshly, and left the elevator.

Amelia felt bad. She was feeling guilty over something she had no idea what it was, and feeling this distance from Arizona only got it worse. Why the hell this woman suddenly became so important to Amelia? And why is she acting like that?

At the same time, inside her car, Arizona was cursing herself.

 _Idiot, you're just a big-fat-idiot. Why did you treat Amelia like that? She was being nice to you! Idiot!_

Arizona was losing her mind, she didn't know why she was acting like that, or what she was feeling, because it certainly wasn't just some overprotecting feeling towards Amelia. She surely don't act like that with her other friends, so what was happening?


	8. Chapter 8

Confused by what just happened in the elevator, Amelia changed her mind and texted Jamie back.

 _I'm heading out of work. Can I come over now?_

She just decided to enjoy it, like Arizona said. Maybe she was right. Maybe Jamie would be a nice woman and they could have some fun together. Maybe they could fall in love. Maybe these mixed feelings about Arizona are just fear. Fear of the uncertain. She tried to convince herself of that.

A few minutes later, Amelia was knocking at Jamie's door. On the first date, Amelia didn't drink, but didn't explain why. Jamie assumed it was because she had to work, so when Amelia entered her house, Jamie received her with a glass of red wine and a big smile on her face.

"I'm glad you made it! This is my best wine, that's how happy I am that you came" – Jamie said, making Amelia shrug.

For a long time Amelia was just the drunk, problematic girl. After that, she was always seen as the recovery girl. It wasn't easy yet for her to face things and say it to people she didn't know well. She doesn't drink. She can't drink. She shouldn't even hold a glass of wine because that was a major trigger for her.

Amelia felt like the world had stopped and she needed to say anything for it to unfreeze again. She was terrified with that glass on her hands. Everything she worked so hard for suddenly felt like it was going to vanish away if she couldn't say 'I don't drink. I can't drink. I'm an addict'.

Instead, she just said:

"Hi, can I use your toilet for a minute, please?" – Amelia asked, sweating and nervous.

"Oh, sure, that way" – Jamie answered, a little confused about Amelia's reaction.

Inside the bathroom, Amelia could only think about her desire to drink that glass. All of it. The entire bottle. She remembered oxy and how numb and happy she felt every time she used it. And how miserable she was after the effect was over. How could that be happening again? She took her cellphone from inside her bag and stayed looking at it like it could do some miracle to her. Maybe choose the right person to call, to ask for help. She felt like she wasn't going to leave that bathroom ever again.

At home, watching some random reality show on TV, Arizona got scared when her phone rang so late at night. She thought it was some 911 emergency call from the hospital. She didn't think her eyes were right when she saw Amelia written on the phone screen.

"Hey, is everything ok?" – Arizona asked Amelia when she accepted the call.

"Hi, uhm, I'm sorry to call you at this time" – Amelia had a trembling voice and Arizona could tell she was gasping.

"Yeah, no problem, are you ok?" – Arizona sounded worried.

"Uhm, I just needed to call someone. Just to keep me occupied so I won't screw my life up" – Amelia was not being rational, but she was being honest.

"What's wrong, Amelia? Where are you?" – Arizona was now extremely worried about her.

"I'm at Jamie's. My date from last night. I'm at her bathroom" – Amelia explained.

"Ok, and what happened? Why are you there?" – Arizona asked, confused.

"She doesn't know I don't drink. She put a glass of wine in my hand. I don't drink but I can't say that to her. The words won't come out. I wanted that glass, so bad" – Amelia explained and started to cry. By now, Jamie was really intrigued with Amelia being inside the bathroom for so long.

"Ok. That's what you're going to do: you'll give me the address and I will come and pick you up. You don't need to explain anything to anyone. Stay inside the bathroom and I'll be there to get you as fast as I can" – Arizona offered.

"No, please, don't come. I need to get my shit together, I can't do that to everyone, all over again" – Amelia said, trying to convince Arizona that she was going to be fine.

"Amy, that wasn't a suggestion. I'm going to pick you up. Maybe Jamie doesn't need to go through this, but I will, I'll help you. I just need the address, can you please give me the address?" – Arizona asked, while she was already changing her clothes.

"I don't think I can't, Arizona. I'm going to drink, I'm going back to who I was" – Amelia said, nervously.

"No, you won't, Amy. You went out with me and saw me drinking and were ok with it. What have changed is that somehow the fact that you held the glass in your hands made it felt like it's done. And it's not. You haven't drink and you won't go through this alone. I'm going to help you." – Arizona said, firmly.

"Ok. Ok, thank you" – Amelia said, relieved.

"Can you text me the address, please?" – Arizona asked.

Just over 10 minutes later, Amelia was still inside the bathroom and Jamie was feeling lost.

"Hey, Amelia, are you ok in there? Can I get you anything?" – Jamie asked.

"I'm sorry. I'm not feeling well. I need to stay in here for a little while, I'm really sorry" – Amelia said, crying. That was beyond awkward.

Arizona arrived and knocked on the apartment door, and Jamie opened.

"Hi, I'm Arizona Robbins, I'm a friend of Amelia's, I know she's in here and I need to get her out of the bathroom and take her home. She's not feeling well, I'm really sorry to just pop up like this" – Arizona explained.

"Yeah, sure. I mean, what happened? We didn't do anything, she just went to the bathroom, I don't know why" – Jamie said, feeling a little lost.

"Yeah, it's not your fault, don't worry. It's something she needs to deal with, and whenever she feels comfortable she will explain it to you." – Arizona said while Jamie was guiding her to the bathroom where Amelia was locked in.

"Amy, it's me, can you open the door, please?" – Arizona asked and Amelia unlocked the door, without opening it. – "Hey, sweetie, come here" – Arizona held her in her arms, and let her cry for a little while.

"I'm so sorry…" – Amelia was sobbing.

"You don't need to apologize. Now, let's go home, you're staying at my place tonight and we can deal with this, ok? You're going to be just fine" – Arizona said, taking her hand and leaving the bathroom.

"Jamie, I'm so sorry, I will explain it to you, I'm…." – Amelia couldn't finish the sentence.

"Don't worry, just, uhm, be fine, please? If there's anything I can do…" – Jamie offered, completely confused.

"It's fine, I got her now. Thank you and I'm sorry for the late hour" – Arizona said and they both left the apartment.


	9. Chapter 9

Arizona didn't want to lose any more time talking to Amelia in the car or anywhere else than her house. She wanted to keep her protected and warm in a bed, where nothing wrong could happen again. They both were quiet all the way until Arizona's home.

When they arrived, Arizona parked her car right in front of her house and before they leave the car, she held Amelia's hand tight, without saying a word, but letting the brunette knows she was there for her.

When they entered the house, Arizona quickly took off Amelia's jacket and hung with hers, put her purse on the lunch counter next to the door, and grabbed Amelia's hand to guide her until her bedroom.

"Do you want to call Meredith or Maggie to let them know you're here? Or do you want me to call them?" – Arizona asked and Amelia answered 'no' with her head only.

Arizona continued to help her, taking off her boots and putting them next to the bed. She opened her wardrobe and handed Amelia a shirt and a pair of pajamas pants.

"The bathroom is right over there, you go change into these and I'll go pick up some water for us, ok?" – Arizona said and Amelia nodded yes, heading to the bathroom.

When Arizona came back with a glass of water, Amelia was still inside the bathroom.

"Amy, I'm back. Are you alright in there?" – Arizona asked, trying to be sure she wasn't crying in the bathroom alone.

Just a few seconds after that, she left the bathroom in the pajamas and was looking quite embarrassed.

"So, do you have a favorite side on the bed to sleep on?" – Arizona asked her, smiling.

"Not really, I can sleep on the couch, too, if you prefer" – Amelia answered, and that was the first smile she gave since this whole wine episode happened.

"The left side of the bed is enough for me, actually. Come on, join me!" – Arizona said, inviting Amelia to go to bed with her.

Amelia sat on the bed and was avoiding look directly into Arizona's eyes, she was ashamed of the whole thing. Arizona took Amelia's hand again and said, softly.

"Look, I know you must have thousands of horrible things going through your mind right now, but I want to tell you a couple things myself. First thing is: you don't be ashamed of asking for help, do you hear me? I'm really glad and relieved you did! Also, you're allowed to freak out sometimes. You have a disease, you know that, right? We're doctors, we deal with diseases all the time. But it's something you can control, and you can live with. Sometimes, you find a weak spot on the way. You freak out, you ask for help, you get the help you need and you move on" – Arizona said, and she could see some tears going down through Amelia's cheeks.

"883 days" – Amelia said, tightening Arizona's hand.

"I'm sorry?" – Arizona asked, confused.

"Today it's my 883rd day without any drugs or alcohol. I remember every single day. I count every single day. I'm not that woman anymore, I'm really trying to stay in line" – Amelia said, trying to hold her tears back.

"And tomorrow it's gonna be the 884th day. And on and on. Amy, look at me, please?" – Arizona asked, and Amelia couldn't deny her request. – "You know addiction better than me. You know alcohol is bad, but it's not your drug of choice. And you can be around alcohol just fine. That glass wasn't oxy. It wasn't pills, it wasn't your old life in some liquid form. It was just a glass of wine that you didn't drink. You didn't do anything wrong."

"But why I didn't tell her I don't drink? Why didn't I say I'm an addict?" – Amelia asked and continued before Arizona could answer it – "Sometimes I feel like I'm not brave enough to affirm that, either because I know it won't last or because I don't want it to last"

"I'm sorry to tell you, but it's lasting and something tells me you want it to last, otherwise, you would have drunk by now, or used something. And you didn't." – Arizona affirmed.

"I feel so weak to have been defeated by a stupid glass of wine" – Amelia said, now furious.

"Well, you weren't defeated by it. You beat it. You're here with me, sober" – Arizona said and again, Amelia looked her in the eyes.

She wasn't sure exactly what was happening, but something inside Arizona's eyes got her hypnotized. Something about that shade of blue, something about its deepness, it was comfortable to look into those eyes. Amelia realized she could live inside that amount of blue and sweetness.

"Thank you, so much. I don't think I would've done that without you" – Amelia said, making Arizona smiles.

"You're welcome. I'm here, for whatever you need." – Arizona said.

"I didn't actually want to go to Jamie's house tonight. Do you know why I went?" – Amelia asked, feeling her heart beat a little faster.

"Why?" – Arizona said and somehow they became closer, and it was possible to feel the heat between their faces.

"Because you were cold with me in the elevator. I was hoping you would invite me to hang out with you so I would be sure that I should cancel this stupid date. But then you were like 'no, you should go' and just left." – Amelia confessed and suddenly all of her nervousness was gone.

"I'm sorry, Amy, I would never do that if I knew this was going to happen. I just thought you needed a push to pursuit the date" – Arizona apologized and then Amelia just approached her a little closer, putting her head in Arizona's neck, like she needed to smell her and spend the night there.

Both of their hearts were beating faster and their breaths were uneven. Arizona wasn't expecting that and frankly, she didn't know what she should do.

"Can we just stay close like this for a while?" – Amelia asked, saying these words slowly, breathing into Arizona's neck.

"Of course we can" – Arizona asked and embraced her, so they could snuggle into each other.


	10. Chapter 10

They were wrapped around each other all night, without saying a word. Amelia gave little soft kisses on Arizona's neck, while the blonde kept kissing Amelia's head until they both fell asleep.

They haven't kissed or had sex on that night. It was just a big amount of care and sweetness between them, which could only result in two outcomes: either they were going to talk about that in the morning, and hopefully, that would mean something else in their relationship; or they would ignore it, and have things become more complicated.

As it could be expected, given their past, the morning came and with it, Amelia only could get out of that warm embrace slowly. She didn't want to wake Arizona up, but they were so entwined that just a slight movement was enough to make the blonde open her eyes in what it seems like a slow motion Valentine's Day ad campaign.

Arizona opened her eyes and smiled seeing Amelia with a soft feature and a shy smile on her face, too.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?" – Arizona asked.

"Good morning. I did, actually. What about you?" – Amelia asked, too.

"I slept well, too. How are you feeling?" – Arizona was worried that Amelia could still be feeling down about the wine episode.

"Better, thanks to you" – Amelia said and suddenly she felt comfortable again, and lay down beside her again.

They kept staring at each other, wanting to say something but at the same time, wanting to stop time and make that frame eternal.

Arizona wasn't a professional regarding addiction recovery, but she knew it was one of the rules that someone in recovery should avoid relationships in order to get better. Even though Amelia wasn't starting her recovery now – it was something she was way ahead already -, last night's episode might take her back to AA reunions and whatever she might feel necessary to stay safe.

For that reason, everything Arizona thought about saying, might be too much for Amelia to take in, so she just remained in silence.

On the other hand, Amelia finally understood why she was so confused these past days. Since she allowed herself to date women, to know them better, the only one who made her feel comfortable about that and about herself was Arizona. It was hard to kiss another woman who hasn't that smile, or that pair of blue eyes. It wasn't quite good to talk with someone who wouldn't feel comfortable to give her nicknames. Who wouldn't call her Amy. Who wasn't Arizona, and that's it. It was easier with her, and definitely, it was better with her. But when it comes to love and feelings, Amelia was a major disaster. All she could work on were facts, and if she pays enough attention to them, she could only see that Arizona insisted that she kept dating other women. Maybe all she wanted to be was a friend, a good one, but not her girlfriend. Amelia remained in silence, too.

"I have to go now, I have rounds soon" – Amelia said, softly.

"Yeah, me too. Why don't I give you a ride to the hospital?" – Arizona offered.

"I need some clothes, maybe it's better to go home" – Amelia said, a little unsure.

"I have clothes in here. A whole bunch of them. Pick something for you while I get us some coffee and then you can save some time" – Arizona suggested.

"Ok, thanks. You're just like a guardian angel" – Amelia joked.

"Don't let my blue eyes fool you, Miss" – Arizona joked and Amelia sighed. If only Arizona knew how much those eyes were meaningful to her.

"I'll try" – Amelia answered softly and started to look into Arizona's wardrobe to choose an outfit.

On the way to the hospital, Arizona took a deep breath before she started to say something, and on that in between, Amelia sensed she was going to bring something up. Is she going to talk about them sleeping snuggled? About what Amelia said last night about Arizona's distance at the elevator and how this messed her up? Before she could continue on those possibilities, Arizona started.

"Look, Amy, I know it's delicate and I don't want to upset you…" – Arizona got interrupted.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry, I was out of line, completely" – Amelia exclaimed, nervously.

"What? No, that was not what I was going to say" – Arizona explained.

"Oh, no? Ok. Uhm… Go on, then" – Amelia said, embarrassed and now Arizona was feeling quite embarrassed, too.

"I was just going to say that if you'd like to go to some AA reunion later today, I can go with you, to support you. I mean, if you need to go, and if you need company, I'm here for you" – Arizona said, and turned off her car because they arrived at the hospital parking lot.

"Thanks. I might want to, I don't know yet. Let's see how my day goes, is that ok?" – Amelia asked.

"Sure" – Arizona said, smiling, and they both left the car.

During the day, Amelia had a big case involving a 16-year-old girl who had a tumor in her brain. Against all odds, she was still alive even though her previous doctors said that she would probably live until her 10th birthday only. Right now the tumor has reached a decisive point in the girl's life. She was starting to lose mobility and sight, so she needed the surgery as her last try.

The surgery was relatively easy for Amelia to do, even though it was very risky. Amelia knew that even though she could remove the tumor, the girl wouldn't have a normal life ahead of her. Lots of radiation would be required, and of course, the higher chances of the tumor coming back. Comparing this to the opportunity to live for a little more, it was quite obvious that she should do the surgery.

When Amelia arrived at her room, she was surprised:

"Good morning, Jill. How are you feeling this morning?" – Amelia greeted her.

"Hello, Dr. Shepherd. I feel good. In fact, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I'm not having the surgery" – the teen said, firmly.

"Jill, listen, I know it can be scary and that you already survived a lot more than expected, but why stopping now when you have a real chance in here?" – Amelia said and noticed the girl's parents crying.

"I won't do it until Matt can have his, too" – Jill said, making Amelia looked confused to her.

"Who's Matt?" – Amelia asked.

"Her boyfriend" – Jill's dad answered, angrily.

"Ok, can someone walk me through it? I'm kind of lost in here" – Amelia asked, trying to calm the dad.

"She started to date this boy and now she wants to throw her life away!" – the dad shouted.

"Carl, calm down, it's not going to solve this" – Jill's mom asked, crying.

"Dad, stop doing this. I've asked you so many times already" – Jill shouted, too.

"Ok, ok! Calm down, everyone. Jill, explain it to me, will you?" – Amelia asked.

"I've been under radiation and chemo for longer than I can remember now. Since I was a little child. And last time I was here, you said the tumor was not operable yet. And so I did chemo for the rest of the year. And I met Matt, we go to the same support group and we fell in love. He's so important to me. I don't want to go through a brain surgery while he had no clue when he will get his tumor removed. Or if he ever could, for what matters. Now he needs me, too. It's not just about myself anymore." – Jill explained and although it was a teenager speech, it touched Amelia.

"He also has a brain tumor?" – Amelia asked.

"No, he started with a liver tumor, and now he just found in his bone" – Jill said, sad.

"Ok, Jill, I understand you like him…" – Amelia was interrupted

"I love him" – Jill said.

"For God's sake…" – Carl started to lose his mind.

"Dad, stop it!" – Jill shouted again.

"You love him, I get it. And you want to support him on this rough phase you both are going through. But Jill, you want to be alive to support him. And if we don't remove your tumor, I'm not sure if you will remain like this. You might survive, but are you willing to lose your sight? To stop walking? I don't think he would want it, too" – Amelia explained.

"Sight and walking are far less important than to feel loved, to feel cherished. We love each other so much. I don't want to do it alone. Not while he will be waiting for a chance that might never come" – Jill explained.

Feeling that it would be impossible to convince the girl with the obvious facts, Amelia decided to stop for a while and talk to the parents in private.

"Ok, Jill. I will respect your decision for now and leave you to think about that a little longer. In the meanwhile, I need to talk with your parents about the possible outcomes of not having the surgery, ok?" – Amelia informed. – "Mrs. and Mr. Davis, please?"

The three of them left Jill's room and went somewhere the girl couldn't see from the window.

"Ok, do you know what's the situation with Matt?" – Amelia asked.

"It's just a teenager passion, it will fade away. We can force her, right? Since she's a minor?" – Jill's mom asked.

"She's 16. She's old enough to want a brain surgery or not. But I asked about his health situation? Is he a patient in here?" – Amelia asked.

"Yes, he is. I think he's still on the Pediatrics floor" – Jill's mom answered.

"Ok, so I will look up for him, see what's his situation and try to come up with a plan to convince Jill to have the surgery. But in the meantime, you can't push her or get her mad. She's a teenager. Tumor or not, she will act like one. So we can't risk losing it all just yet, ok? Can I trust you to support her until I come back with a plan?" – Amelia asked.

"Ok" – both parents answered, a little nonconformist.

Amelia went to look for Arizona. Maybe he is her patient and she could help her to come up with a good plan for Jill. Exiting the elevator, Amelia stopped for a second, staring at Arizona who was laughing while talking to one of the Peds' nurses. She was glaring, stunning. Amelia knew that for a long time now, but every time she looked at her was like she discovered something different. The sound of her laughter, or the way she plays with her hands to help her speech. How she can smile using just the eyes, even though her cute dimples couldn't disguise her smile much longer.

Amelia was pulled out by her trance when Jo Wilson called her.

"Dr. Shepherd? Can I help you?" – Wilson asked.

"Oh, hum, no, thank you, Wilson. I was just distracted" – Amelia murmured and took a deep breath and started to walk towards Arizona.

"Hey, can I borrow you for a second?" – Amelia asked, smiling.

"Of course. We talk later, Janine, get me some pictures, please!" – Arizona said and then looked at Amelia – "She was telling me about her cute daughter dressed as Princess Lea for Halloween last year, it sounded adorable"

"Oh God, what a cutie!" – Amelia exclaimed.

"But tell me, is everything ok?" – Arizona asked, worried it could be about her suggestion about the AA meetings this morning.

"It is. I was wondering if you have a patient named Matt? Teenager, cancer?" – Amelia asked.

"Matt Brandon?" - Arizona asked.

"I'm not sure what is his last name. Anyway, I needed to know if you have an action plan for him." – Amelia asked and had Arizona intrigued. She figured she needed to explain it better. – "He's dating my patient, who now refuses to get her brain surgery while her boyfriend can't have his"

"But he doesn't need a brain surgery!" – Arizona exclaimed.

"I know, but until he gets what he needs, she won't accept her own surgery" – Amelia explained.

"This is insane. Who is your patient?" – Arizona asked.

"Jill Davis" – Amelia answered.

"Oh, I've seen her. Dark hair, blue eyes, right? Yeah, she's always in chemo sessions with Matt" – Arizona said, smiling.

"Yeah, well, will he get his surgery? How is he?" – Amelia asked.

"Honestly? We're still waiting to see if chemo can do something more for him. His tumor is already spreading. He has it in both legs, we would need to amputate them to solve it, not to mention how many times he had liver surgeries already. There's not much we can do to him with surgery now" – Arizona said in a sad tone.

"God… poor kid. Does he know that already? Does he have parents?" – Amelia asked.

"Just his mom, his dad died last year, also cancer. He knows. We tried to sugar coat at the beginning with him, but he's smart, he asked us straight forwarded and we told him" – Arizona explained.

"I don't think he told Jill. She doesn't know, that's why she wanted to wait for him." – Amelia said, disappointed.

"Do you want me to talk to her? I can try to explain it to her" – Arizona offered.

"Yeah, maybe we can talk to her together, no parents. Her parents make her nervous" – Amelia suggested.

"Ok, I have a surgery now, can we do that after lunch? I'll look for you" - Arizona asked.

"Ok, thanks!" – Amelia said.


	11. Chapter 11

After her surgery, Arizona went straight to the patient's room, hoping Amelia would be there already, but she wasn't.

"Wilson!" – Arizona called the resident.

"Hi, Dr. Robbins" – Wilson answered.

"Have you seen Amelia? I mean, Dr. Shepherd?" – Arizona asked, feeling a little embarrassed by calling Amelia by her first name inside the hospital.

"Last time I saw her she was outside the main entrance, sitting on a bench" – Wilson said.

"Is she ok?" – Arizona asked, worried.

"I don't know, when I asked about a patient she told me to leave her alone for a few minutes" – Wilson answered, with a "sorry" look in her eyes.

Arizona went looking for Amelia and found her exactly where Wilson last saw her.

"I was looking for you, my surgery just finished" – Arizona said, smiling and sitting beside Amelia.

"I needed a time out. Just breathing fresh air" – Amelia said, even though Arizona hasn't asked what she was doing out there.

"Are you all right? Can I get you anything?" – Arizona asked.

"Why did Minnick leave?" – Amelia asked, looking directly into Arizona's eyes.

"I'm sorry, what?" – Arizona asked confused, not sure about what Amelia just asked her.

"Why did Minnick leave?" – Amelia repeated.

"She got fired" – Arizona answered, intrigued.

"Yeah, but why did she leave you? Did she leave Seattle? Did she say she wasn't up for a long distance relationship? What happened?" – Amelia shooted a lot of questions.

"Why are you asking me this?" – Arizona asked, not so friendly anymore.

"I wanted to understand" – Amelia said.

"Understand what?" – Arizona asked, coldly.

"Understand why someone would leave you like that. It doesn't make sense. You deserve better" – Amelia said, with sweet eyes that made Arizona melt.

"Things just happen sometimes, there's no good explanation. She was hurt when she got fired, she wanted to leave, so she left." – Arizona tried to explain it.

"Do you miss her?" – Amelia insisted.

"Amelia, why are you asking me this?" – Arizona was lost.

"I think you know, Robbins. You're smart enough" – Amelia said and left the bench, walking towards the hospital, then she shouted – "C'mon, we got a patient to see"

Back in the hospital, Arizona was way too confused about Amelia's questions and, mostly, about the last thing she said. What did she know? They had a moment in her house, it was good, but things were such a mess that night, Arizona knew how complicated it could be for both of them.

"Jill, this is Dr. Robbins, she's the head of Peds in here" – Amelia said, introducing Arizona to the patient.

"Hello, Jill" – Arizona greeted the teenager.

"Hi, Dr. Robbins. I know Dr. Shepherd probably insisted for you to come here and convince me to have the surgery, am I right?" – Jill asked.

"Actually, no. Dr. Shepherd asked me about a patient of mine and that, even though we're not supposed to discuss it with other people, I think it's only fair for you to understand what's going on with Matt" – Arizona started.

"Are you his doctor?" – Jill asked, and Arizona sat down on her bed.

"I am one of them. Matt started his treatment with me three years ago but now he has a full team of oncologists too. " – Arizona explained.

"Jill, I told Dr. Robbins you didn't think it was fair for you to get a brain surgery while Matt didn't even know if he would have a chance to get better, too. And I asked her for her help explaining it to us about his whole situation" – Amelia said.

"It's probably not good news, you two don't have sparkles on your look" – Jill commented and Arizona sighed.

"Jill, you're right. It's not good news. Matt has a very, very aggressive type of cancer. It started on his liver years ago. Did he told you how many times he had surgery to remove the tumors?" – Arizona asked.

"A few times, I supposed." – Jill answered, wiping a tear from her eye.

"A lot of times, to be accurate. And he also had stomach surgery, and now his cancer had spread. Did he tell you his exact situation?" – Arizona said.

"He told me he still needs chemo to reduce his liver tumor like I needed with my brain tumor. It worked for me. He said the doctors just found a tumor in his bone, but it might be less aggressive. I just want him to have the same shot and we will do it, together" – Jill insisted, a little louder than before.

"Jill, honey, everything in this story is so unbelievably sad. You two are so young and in love, I can see that. Even though I just met you I can say you love him, right?" – Arizona asked, and the girl nodded yes.

"I love him, very much" – Jill said, crying.

"He loves you, too. So much he didn't tell you about his health. He didn't want you to worry, and I can assure you he didn't want you to give up on life. Chemo can give him a little more time, but that's all. You have a real chance in here, and Dr. Shepherd is the best one you could ask for. Don't give up on you. Do it, if you can't do that for you, do it for him" – Arizona insisted.

"Are you married, Dr. Robbins?" – Jill asked, wiping her eyes.

"No, I'm not. I'm divorced." – Arizona answered her.

"Are you, Dr. Shepherd?" – Jill asked, looking at Amelia.

"I'm not, Jill" – Amelia answered her.

"Well, neither am I. My generation is different than yours, I guess. Young girls don't think about marriage anymore. We think about independence, rights, and careers. Boys are just for fun. We want children, but we don't care about husbands. I was that girl, with that mind. Matt changed it for me. I can picture my life with him, our day-to-day battles with this fucked up disease, our mutual support. I can picture him in a black suit while I'm wearing a wedding dress. I can plan a future, even though I might not survive one or two months. But, again, aren't we all up to that? We all could die tomorrow, just by crossing the street. I know you're doctors, and older than me. I know I'm just a teenager rebelling against a surgery for you, guys. But I'm in love. He's my shoulder to cry on, he's my strength to go on. If I decided on the surgery, I can either die on the table and leave him alone, or I can get cured, and rub on his face that I have a life ahead of me and he doesn't. I don't know if you ever fell in love with someone like that, sometimes we take a time to figure it out. I thought Matt was just a friend in the beginning. Just a sweet boy who tells me jokes about cancer and let me read some of his favorite books. He was already so much more. He made me smile, every single day. He made me trust myself again. He told me, with that hoarse voice of his 'Jill, you can do it. You're that strong'. He looks at me and I forget I'm a teen walking on the death row with this brain tumor. Have you ever felt like that? How am I supposed to just ignore this and think only about myself?" – Jill vented, making Arizona and Amelia exchange looks and hold their tears, too.

"Maybe it's his turn to hear all of that. Maybe he needs you healed so he can raise hope, too" – Arizona said.

"Do you have any hope? About him?" – Jill asked Arizona, who got tongue-tied.

"Jill, as doctors we need to get realistic because it's our job, it's our responsibility. But miracles happen all the time. All the time. It's your job to be hopeful for us." – Amelia said, making Arizona smile.

"Jill, if I didn't have any hope about my patients, I could never be a pediatrician. I'm always hopeful, but I am also a little bit ahead of myself, to see it beforehand and prepare my patients and their families. But deep down, I'm hopeful until the last minute. You should be, too. As a doctor, and especially, as Matt's doctor, I think you should get the surgery. I think you should be a miracle for Matt to keep believing" – Arizona said, and left the room.

"Take your time to think about that, we can talk again tomorrow, is that ok? I will ask Dr. Wilson to run a few more tests and we go from there once you make your decision" – Amelia said and the girl nodded yes.


	12. Chapter 12

"Wow, that was intense" – Arizona said to Amelia.

"Yeah, but she's got a point after all" – Amelia said, without looking into Arizona's eyes.

"Actually, she doesn't, Amy. That's not enough for her to refuse the surgery" – Arizona said, slightly angry.

"It is if she decides. I mean, they're in love, how often does that happen?" – Amelia said.

"In their age? All the time! Are you serious?" – Arizona asked, not believing Amelia's word.

"I think we underestimate love. There hasn't had a single time in my life when I was in love like that to decide against myself like she's doing" – Amelia commented and Arizona frowned.

"Well, at least we both agree she's deciding against herself" – Arizona said.

"Don't you think she probably has a good reason, then?" – Amelia asked, confronting Arizona.

"Of course I don't think she has any reason. She fell in love with her friend in a chemo session. She has a good shot, a really good chance to get past this, and unfortunately, he doesn't. It's sad, it's quite unfair, but it's the reality. Do you really believe that she shouldn't accept the surgery only to protect him? That's insane" – Arizona shouted.

"I'm only saying we should respect her decision, she hasn't made one yet" – Amelia answered, coldly.

"Then why the hell did you ask me to talk to her?" – Arizona asked, angrily.

"Because I thought she wanted the surgery and was scared! She's only a teenager, for God's sake!" – Amelia shouted back.

"Exactly! She has the entire life ahead of her and you agree she should give up on that because of her dying boyfriend?" – Arizona asked.

"If you think he's a dying boyfriend then why did you tell her to be hopeful, Arizona?" – Amelia asked.

"Because I am hopeful, as a person, as she should be. But right now I am talking to you as a doctor and you're sounding like her classmate!" – Arizona said and Amelia laughed sarcastically.

"Being a doctor doesn't forbid me to have feelings" – Amelia said.

"Why are you acting like this?" – Arizona asked, holding Amelia's hand, who pulled it out immediately.

"Acting how, Arizona? Just because we disagree I become a teenager?" – Amelia asked, angrily.

"No, because a few hours later you wanted me to help you convince your patient to choose life instead of death and now you've changed your mind just because she gave us a pretty speech about falling in love!" – Arizona explained.

"Because I believe in that, Arizona. It's too bad you don't." – Amelia said and started to walk away, but Arizona ran after her.

"No, no! You don't get to walk away from this. You're treating me like a cold-hearted woman just because I'm thinking as a doctor, and hell, as an adult. Is this about Jill or us?"- Arizona asked.

"You know what? Jill is my patient. I'm really sorry I've wasted your time. I have to go" – Amelia said and walked away.

 _What the hell?_ That was the only thought in Arizona's mind for the rest of the day. She went from a good friend that Amelia trusted to someone she now seemed to dislike. Arizona had many doubts about herself and many other things for her entire life, but one thing she was sure about was her capacity as a doctor. She knew her judgment about Jill's case was right and Amelia's reaction was clearly about something else.

When her shift ended, Amelia left the hospital without talking to anyone. She was mad, angry, sad. Mostly because of Arizona, even though she knew the blonde was right about the teenager. She should get the surgery, and her boyfriend shouldn't be a hindrance in this. But what was hurting her the most was how easily Arizona discard the 'love reason' in order to be practical. Amelia has been practical in her life for as long as she could remember, especially her love life. And she never got anything good out of this. She wanted to be emotional for once in a lifetime, at least. To allow herself to laugh and cry and not be ashamed of that. To even consider giving up something important for love's sake. She thought Arizona was like her, but she wasn't.

Amelia decided to go to an AA meeting before she headed home. She was vulnerable and her angry mood was very welcoming to a relapse. She needed to stay safe and it seemed that she had only herself to count on now.

Inside the AA meeting, Amelia was sitting on the last row, feeling kind of lost and alone. The first woman started to talk.

"Hello, my name is Julie" – the woman said out loud.

"Hello, Julie" – the crowd greeted her.

"I'm an alcoholic and I'm sober since last week" – the woman continued and after that, three others shared their stories.

"Anyone else?" – the AA mediator asked and Amelia raised her hand in the back.

"Hello, my name is Amelia, I'm an addict and I'm clean for 884 days. Last night I almost drank again, but I got saved. Tonight I'm here because I'm not so sure I'll be this lucky again" – Amelia was emotional and very honest.

What she didn't know was that Arizona arrived at the meeting, but remained hidden close to the door. She didn't want Amelia to see her, she only discovered that she was there because this meeting happens on the back of a coffee shop and Arizona saw Amelia's car parked outside. The old blue pick up was easy to recognize from a distance. Arizona still wasn't sure about what had happened this afternoon, but sure was nice to see Amelia seeking for help, and fortunately, getting it.

Before Amelia finished talking, Arizona left the room and went to her car, unsure if she should wait to talk to Amelia or not.

When the meeting was over, everybody started to leave the room and Amelia headed to the parking lot. Arizona wasn't there anymore. Amelia didn't know she was there and couldn't imagine that would be actually someone out there waiting for her, but she was feeling so lonely that night, that she felt her tears ripping her heart out.

When she arrived at her car, she saw a little note hanging on the windshield.

 _You're not alone._

No signature, no more words.


	13. Chapter 13

During the night, Arizona's page went off hysterical, waking up the blonde.

"Please, please, say it's a mistake, it's not meant to page me" – Arizona kept repeating that to herself, even though she knew it wouldn't be a mistake.

It was a 911 in Peds, she had to run to the hospital. When she arrived, it was Matt. His vitals were on the ground and he already had two cardiorespiratory arrests.

"Talk to me, what happened?" – Arizona ordered to one of the interns who were on call.

"He coded, twice. We gave him epi and fluids, increased his meds and sedation, but his BP is still very low" – the intern informed.

"Did someone page his oncologist?" – Arizona asked, while was listening to the boy's heart.

"Yes, Dr. Hayden is on her way here" – the intern said.

"Ok, his heart sounds normal, increase his adrenaline to a 4 per hour, and check him again in thirty minutes. I think it's time to talk to his mom" – Arizona left the room, a little sad. She knew there wasn't much she could do for him now, his cancer was so aggressive that it was killing him quicker than expected.

It was around 6 am when Arizona finished talking to Matt's mom. The woman, even though she knew her son's situation for a long time now, was a real mess. She still couldn't understand why his time was ending so quickly. Arizona did her best to explain it to her and, at the end, hugged her in compassion.

She always managed to comfort the parents, but since Sofia was born, this fear of losing a child was no longer exclusive to her patients' parents; it was now her own, too. Every time she needed to prepare one of them, she couldn't help but imagine it could be her on the other side. That was beyond scary.

Matt's condition remained stable for the following hours, and around 8 am when Amelia arrived at the hospital, Arizona went looking for her in the attending's lounge.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" – Arizona asked.

"Arizona, it's ok, I'm really not in the mood to keep arguing" – Amelia answered, a little cold.

"It's not about us. It's Matt" – Arizona said and Amelia looked at her, in silence. That was obviously a bad news.

Amelia walked towards Arizona and they left the room, heading to the corridor where there wasn't anybody else.

"Is he dead?" – Amelia asked, she seemed afraid of the answer.

"No. But he's not good. I was paged in here at 3 am. He doesn't have much time now." – Arizona explained.

"Did you tell Jill?" – Amelia asked, worried.

"No, of course not. I wouldn't do that. But I thought you should know because he might not make it through the day. I wanted to give you a warning" – Arizona explained.

"Ok, thanks" – Amelia said and started to walk away from Arizona.

"Are you going to tell her?" – Arizona asked and Amelia turned around to face her.

"I don't know. I really don't know" – Amelia confessed. She seemed scared.

"Do you need any help with this?" – Arizona offered.

"I don't know, either" – Amelia said and Arizona smiled. Sometimes Amelia looked like a child that needed guidance.

"Did she make a decision yet?" – Arizona asked, walking towards Amelia.

"I was heading there before you told me that. I don't think she'll have the surgery if he dies" – Amelia pointed.

"Then, don't tell her. She trusts you, use that. Convince her to have the surgery then, once she's out, we'll see. I hope he can hold on a little longer so she can, at least, say goodbye" – Arizona suggested.

"I don't know what should I say to convince her, I can't lie and say he's getting his surgery, too" – Amelia confessed.

"Just say she's not alone. Say that you're there, with her" – Arizona said, took Amelia's hand, smiled, and left.

Amelia understood who left the note in her car last night and suddenly she felt like an idiot. She was so fierce and confident about almost anything in her life, but couldn't handle a confession about her feelings for Arizona. She couldn't say it out loud and, instead, she just let it ruin her friendship. She felt like a coward.


	14. Chapter 14

When she arrived at Jill's room, her parents were crying, hugging her. It seemed like tears of happiness. Amelia tried to change her look, that was a little down. Waiting for the hug to end, she greeted them.

"Hello, everyone!" – Amelia said, trying to fake a smile.

"Good morning, Dr. Shepherd." – Jill said, smiling back at her.

"So, do we have a decision yet?" – Amelia asked.

"I'll have the surgery." – Jill said, making her parents cry again.

"That's wonderful news, Jill. I'll clear up my schedule so we can do that this afternoon" – Amelia said and wasn't expecting what the girl asked next.

"I have one condition, though. Only one" – Jill said, making Amelia turn around with a intrigued look on her face.

"What is it?" – Amelia asked, worried.

"I want to see Matt before the surgery. You know, just for precaution. To have this memory recorded in my mind before I go through surgery and risking have no memories at all" – Jill joked, but Amelia's face was hard. – "Is it ok?" – the girl asked, seeing Amelia's look.

"Jill, Matt is not my patient, so I need to check with his doctors first" – Amelia said.

"Can't you ask Dr. Robbins? She seemed nice and she's Matt's doctor, too" – Jill suggested.

"I'll talk to her, but I don't know what he has scheduled for the day, I can't guarantee you anything, but I'll try, ok?" – Amelia said, feeling bad about lying to the girl.

"Thank you so much, Dr. Shepherd!" – Jill said, excited.

"Mr. and Mrs. Davis, can we talk outside for a minute?" – Amelia asked and the girl noticed something wrong.

"What? What's wrong, Dr. Shepherd? Why can't you talk to my parents in front of me?" – Jill asked, worried.

"Unless you want to spend your time listening to some health care bureaucracies, I strongly suggest you let me take them outside to get done with this boring stuff" – Amelia said, smiling, and the girl believed in her.

Outside the room, however, Amelia's face was hard and serious again, worrying Jill's parents.

"Is something wrong, Dr. Shepherd?" – Jill's mom asked.

"Actually, it is. Matt's condition got really worst during the night and he is barely hanging on. I'm afraid that Jill won't handle it well seeing him like this. And I'm also afraid she'll refuse the surgery again if we say she can't see him" – Amelia said and the parents became desperate.

"What do you suggest?" – Jill's father asked.

"Honestly? I don't know. If this was me I would like to know the truth. But it's up to you, she's your daughter. I'll give you a few minutes to think and be back in a bit" – Amelia said.

Leaving the parents on the hall, Amelia entered the elevator looking defeated. Meredith saw her sister and tried to help.

"What's wrong? Are you ok?" – Meredith asked.

"Just a big unfair sequel of facts happening to a patient" – Amelia justified.

"Is that all? I haven't seen you at home in days. Are you staying at the hospital full time?" – Meredith asked.

"I slept at Robbins two nights ago, and yesterday I was at home, just left really early this morning" – Amelia said and they both left the elevator.

"Wait, are you and Robbins…?" – Meredith started to ask but Amelia interrupted her.

"No."

"Ok. Forget that I've asked" – Meredith said.

"Already did" – Amelia answered, coldly.

"It's just that with this whole dating women thing, I thought that maybe you two…" – Meredith was interrupted again.

"We're not, can we please change the subject?" – Amelia asked.

"Oh, no. Is it happening what I think it's happening?" – Meredith asked, smiling.

"Meredith, stop it" – Amelia asked with a serious tone in her voice.

"Why? What's wrong? She's not into you?" – Meredith asked.

"Nothing is happening, let it go!" – Amelia shouted.

"If there's nothing happening you should really work on this anger because it's a very classic symptom from people who are falling in love and don't want to admit it. But hey, it could also mean a psychiatric disorder" – Meredith joked and left Amelia alone, frowning.

"Do you have a psychiatric disorder?" – Bailey asked.

"What? No! She's joking!" – Amelia answered, wrathful.

"Well, if one of my surgeons have a disorder I need to know. Luckily we work in a hospital, we're full of psychiatrists. Do you need a name?" – Bailey asked.

"Bailey, I don't have a psychiatric disorder!" – Amelia shouted.

"So maybe Grey is right, it is the other symptom." – Bailey said and laughed, leaving Amelia even more irritated.

Her pager went off and she went upstairs to Jill's room. Her parents were waiting on the door and told Amelia they agreed with telling Jill the truth.

Amelia entered the room alone.

"Jill, can we talk for a second before your surgery?" – Amelia asked.

"Yes. What's wrong?" – Jill asked.

"I think we need to be honest with you. You asked to see Matt before going to the OR, but his condition is quite severe. He got worse this night and he's not awake. I can still take you to see him, but it might scare you. I wanted to tell you the truth, but I truly hope you don't give up your surgery now." – Amelia said.

The girl started to cry in silence, Amelia was surprised, because she was expecting a lot of screams and outbreak, but instead, the girl was suffering quietly. It was actually sadder. Then, she wiped off her tears and looked at Amelia.

"Is he going to die?" – Jill asked.

"I don't know" – Amelia answered, honestly.

"I'm so scared to lose him" – Jill confessed.

"I know. But you're not alone. I'm here, with you. I will help you all the way. I'm sure Matt would want you to live a long and happy life. Isn't that what true love is about?" – Amelia said, holding Jill's hand.

The girl agreed to the surgery, but first Amelia took her to Matt's room in ICU so she could see him.

"We only have a few minutes in here, ok? I'll be right outside" – Amelia said to Jill.

The girl took Matt's hand and cried a little beside him, promising him she wouldn't give up on life. Arizona passed by the room and saw Amelia outside.

"Hey, did you tell her?" – Arizona asked.

"I did, the parents agreed to." – Amelia answered, feeling a little emotional with the scene.

"Did she agree with the surgery?" – Arizona asked.

"She did. We're going soon" – Amelia answered, and put on a little smile on her face.

"I'm glad. It's going to be fine in there, I'm sure" – Arizona said, trying to comfort Amelia.

"I know it was you" – Amelia said and Arizona looked intrigued.

"What was me?" – Arizona asked.

"The note in my car. How did you know I was there?" – Amelia asked.

"It was just a guess" – Arizona said.

"Well, good guess, then. Thank you. I'm sorry about yesterday, I shouldn't have said those things" – Amelia apologized.

"That's ok, Amy. I'm just glad you're taking care of yourself. I'm still here for you if you need or want." – Arizona offered.

"I know. Thank you" – Amelia said and left to take Jill to the OR.


	15. Chapter 15

Amelia started the surgery along with two second-year residents. Despite the experience she had, she still got nervous before this kind of surgery, when she could open the skull and find things exactly like the scans or something completely unknown. That's what scares and amuses her the most about neurosurgery.

In the middle of the surgery, Jill's vitals started to drop fast and she began to bleed on the tumor.

"Damn it! She's bleeding too much. I need a clamp in here, fast!" – Amelia ordered.

"Dr. Shepherd, her pupils are unresponsive" – one of the residents warned.

"Push 100 of mannitol and 2g of cefazoline" – Amelia ordered.

Just a few minutes later the bleeding was controlled and her vitals were good again. Amelia removed the whole tumor, but she couldn't know if Jill would wake without any further severe sequel.

"Do you think she'll wake up fine, Dr. Shepherd?" – The resident asked her.

"I hope so. Come on, we need to update her family" – Amelia ordered and they headed to the waiting room.

"Mr. and Mrs. Davis, the surgery went fine, we've managed to remove the whole tumor, she suffered a little bleeding but we were able to control it. She's still sleeping and we'll know more once she wakes up. Do you want to see her?" – Amelia said and the parents hugged her.

After three hours, the parents started to freak out because Jill still hadn't wake up. Amelia got paged and one of the residents was already there checking on her.

"Ok, what happened?" – Amelia asked.

"Actually, nothing. She hasn't wake up yet, but her pupils are responsive and her BP is normal" – the resident informed.

"Dr. Shepherd, why she's still sleeping? Is she ok? Is she in a coma?" – Jill's mom sounded desperate.

"Mrs. Davis, your daughter had a major brain surgery, it's normal that she takes a longer time to wake up than the usual. Her vitals are normal; she doesn't show any signs of distress or infection. I know it's frustrating, but right now the only thing we can do is wait for her to wake up." – Amelia explained.

"Is she? Waking up?" – Jill's dad asked.

"As any other surgery, coma is a risk. Even in those cases, the patient can wake up. Right now, I'm not worried. We'll monitor her during the night and if she doesn't wake up, we'll run an EEG in the morning, just to make sure her brain activities are existent." – Amelia informed them.

"When should we start to really worry, then?" – Jill's mom asked.

"I'll let you know. We're not there yet, ok?" – Amelia said and left the room along with the resident.

"I need you to stay here tonight and check on her hourly, can you do that?" – Amelia asked.

"Yes, sure. What if she doesn't wake up? Should I do something?" – The resident asked.

"No, just make sure she's stable. If anything changes, you call me immediately; I live 10 minutes away from the hospital. Don't do anything without my order, understood?" – Amelia ordered.

"Sure." – The resident answered and left.

When Amelia's shift was over and she was leaving the hospital, someone called her name.

"Amelia!" – it was Arizona, who was leaving, too.

"Hey, heading home?" – Amelia asked her.

"Yes, and you? How did it go with Jill?" – Arizona asked.

"She hasn't woke up yet, but her vitals are good" – Amelia said, looking disappointed.

"Hey, you know it's normal. Some patients just need more time to wake up. Don't worry" – Arizona tried to calm her.

"What about Matt? How is he?" – Amelia asked.

"Alive, for now. But barely hanging on, poor kid" – Arizona said, sad.

Both of them kept staring at each other, a little unsure if they should say something other than their medical cases. Arizona wanted to invite Amelia to dinner or movie, anything that could distract her from the past few days. Meanwhile, Amelia wanted to ask her out, on a real date. Realizing that almost a minute passed by with them in silence, they broke the ice at the same time.

"Ok, I'll…" – Amelia said, with Arizona talking at the same time.

"Good night…" – Arizona laughed, and continued. – "Have a good night, then"

"You too" – Amelia said and headed to her car.

On the next morning, Amelia arrived earlier than usual, worried about Jill. Her parents were sleeping inside the room and didn't hear when Amelia came in to check on her. Doing some neurological tests, Amelia noticed the girl responded to all of them.

 _Why the hell is she doing in that sleep, then?_ Amelia thought. Although it was hard, she needed to follow her own advice to Jill's parents and wait.

A few hours later, Amelia was paged to Jill's room and ran like crazy, thinking the girl was crashing or something, but when she arrived there, she saw Jill smiling and her parents crying.

"Hello, Dr. Shepherd" – Jill said.

"Well, isn't she the sleeping beauty?" – Amelia joked and started to check on her eyes and strength.

"Did you got it all?" – Jill asked.

"I did. You're tumor free!" - Amelia said and then turned to Jill's parents – "She seems fine and her recovery should be easy now. I'll keep her here for a couple days more just to be sure she doesn't scare us with more sleeping, right, Jill?"

At lunch, Amelia was sitting by herself at the cafeteria barely eating her sandwich, when Arizona spotted her.

"Is this seat taken?" – Arizona asked, smiling.

 _Does she need to put on that smile every single time? Who can resist it?_ Amelia's thoughts were interrupted by an intrigued look of Arizona, who was still waiting for an answer.

"Oh, sorry, no, it's free, suit yourself" – Amelia answered, blushing a little.

"Deep thoughts?" – Arizona asked.

"Just distracted, actually"- Amelia tried to sound evasive.

"How's Jill?" – Arizona asked.

"Fine. She woke up, she's good." – Amelia answered.

"Oh, that's great news. You should celebrate. It was a hard case" – Arizona suggested.

"Yeah, I'm not quite in the mood for celebrations" – Amelia commented.

"Not even if I suggest a special combo of fun and hardcore party?" – Arizona asked, playfully.

"What do you have in mind, Robbins?" – Amelia laughed.

"Well, I could offer you a very warm house, a big flat screen TV, and the most horrible movie selection and, of course, the Robbins' special: popcorn. What do you say?" – Arizona said, smiling.

Amelia couldn't say no, even if she wanted.

"That kind of offer, who can resist?" – Amelia answered, playfully.

"Great! My place, 8 pm, don't eat before." – Arizona said and left the table.

Amelia was left alone smiling from nervousness and excitement. Was it a date? It actually didn't matter, she would spend time with Arizona, maybe she would have the courage to tell her how she feels. And hopefully, Arizona would feel the same.

When the night arrived, Amelia was sweating and shaking. What if she messes everything up? What if Arizona only wanted to be friends and she scares her with her confession? Maybe she shouldn't say anything. Maybe she shouldn't go at all.

She spent a few minutes debating with herself, trying to convince herself not to go to Arizona's place, when Meredith entered the attending's lounge and spotted Amelia talking to herself.

"What are you doing?" – Meredith asked and Amelia jumped, scared.

"Dear Lord, you scared me!" – Amelia said.

"You were talking to herself, do you know that?" – Meredith joked.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I do that when I'm nervous" – Amelia confessed.

"And why are you nervous?" – Meredith asked.

"I have a thing to go to, but I don't know if I should go." – Amelia said.

"What thing?" – Meredith asked, trying to take something else from her.

"An invitation, that could be a date or not. I want it to be. I'm not sure if it is, though" – Amelia said, pacing around the room.

"Why don't you go and figure that out?" – Meredith suggested.

"Because I am me, Mer. I never make good choices, haven't you noticed that yet?" – Amelia said, smiling.

"I'm sure whoever invited you would be thrilled to consider it a date. You're an awesome date. Go, stop being scared. We only live once" – Meredith said.

"What happened to the dark and twisted you?" – Amelia asked, making Meredith laugh.

After parking near Arizona's house, Amelia took a deep breath before exiting the car. She needed to relax, otherwise, Arizona would notice she was nervous.

She walked towards the house and before she knocked on the door, she sighed and decided to go home. She turned around, took a few steps and stopped.

 _You're being ridiculous. Stop it. Knock on that damn door._

Amelia turned around again and knocked on the door. Now there was no turning back. A few seconds later, Arizona opened it.

"Hi, come in" – Arizona said and hugged Amelia.

"I wasn't sure if I should bring anything" – Amelia said, shyly.

"No need. Here, I got apple juice, it's Sofia's favorite. Popcorn is ready and we just need to pick a movie" – Arizona offered Amelia a glass of juice and guided her to the couch.

"Wow, Home Alone? There's an interesting selection in here" – Amelia joked.

"Sofia likes the classics. And I couldn't watch Frozen one more time, or I would literally die." – Arizona explained.

After they picked one, Arizona turned off the lights and offered Amelia the other half of the blanket. They exchanged looks during the movie, and several times Amelia felt like holding Arizona's hand. When the movie ended, Amelia couldn't hold it anymore.

"That movie was terrible" – Amelia joked, trying to break the silence.

"I told you my selection was good, didn't I?" – Arizona joked.

"So, what should we do now? Are you sleepy?" – Amelia asked, now rubbing her finger in Arizona's hand.

"I'm not. You?" – Arizona asked, feeling her heart beating faster.

"I'm not, either. Do you want to watch another one?" – Amelia asked, looking directly into Arizona's eyes.

"I don't know, do you?" – Arizona asked her, nervously.

"Well, it's your house, you should decide it" – Amelia said and for her surprise, Arizona made a move.

"Amy, what are we doing here?" – Arizona asked, getting closer.

"What do you mean? You invited me, didn't you?" – Amelia answered, nervously.

"I did. But I mean, here, right now. Is it just in my head?" – Arizona asked, holding Amelia's hand.

"No. I'm giving you signals for quite some time, you know that" – Amelia said, breathing closer to Arizona's mouth.

"I know, but I wasn't sure what to do. I mean, we're friends, right? And I didn't want to scare you or get in the way of the rehab thing, I don't know what you want to do" – Arizona explained.

"I want to do this…" – Amelia said and kissed her, deep and passionately.


	16. Chapter 16

They got lost inside that kiss that both wanted for a long time. The urgency was so evident that parting for air seemed a waste of time. They were fighting and dancing in a synch movement with their tongues, mouths, and hands. The heat and the fingertips on each other's neck and waist. The struggle to keep smelling each other without pause the kiss, breathing the intoxicating scent they had, intensified by their lust.

Finally, they seemed secure enough to pause the kiss to get some air without being afraid it might end for good. They had their foreheads touching each other's and in every two seconds they kiss on the lips lightly, just to assure they were there, and they haven't finished.

"That's what I was supposed to feel all of this time" – Amelia said, smiling.

"What do you mean?" – Arizona asked.

"All this time dating these women and I wasn't feeling it, nothing like this. I've missed this, this feeling, this anticipation, you know?" – Amelia said, not measuring words.

"Yeah, I've missed it, too" – Arizona said, smiling.

They started to kiss again and this time they both needed more. Amelia pulled off Arizona's top, while the blonde was quickly unbuttoning Amelia's pants. It all happened so fast they couldn't even think about what they should do or when. In just a few seconds they were almost entirely naked on Arizona's couch when she decided to stop it.

"Amy, wait. Should we do this?" – Arizona asked, gasping.

"Why? Don't you want to?" – Amelia asked, intrigued.

"I do, you have no idea how much I want this. But, is it ok? I mean, how are you? I'm worried it won't be good for your recovery process" – Arizona said, honestly, with her hands on Amelia's cheeks.

"Unless you plan to get me drunk, give me drugs or ignore me tomorrow, I think we're good" – Amelia joked, deepening the kiss again.

They had sex on the couch, on the floor and Arizona decided they should go to bed, like two adults, and before they fell asleep they were doing it again. Amelia was insatiable and Arizona loved it. For someone who hasn't been with a woman in more than a decade, Amelia seemed pretty sure of what she needed to do in bed.

Meanwhile, Amelia was overwhelmed about how hot and mind-blowing Arizona was. The strength she had, the way she grabbed Amelia's hair or how she used her tongue on Amelia's ear was something from another world. The confidence she had in bed was incredibly sexy.

After this sex marathon, they fell asleep wrapped around each other. Amelia was a hot and sexy woman, but when she was sleeping, she seemed a little girl that needed to be taken care of.

Amelia was the first to wake up. She slowly opened her eyes and took a few seconds to remember where she was. Feeling the weight of Arizona's arms embracing her made Amelia smile. She looked at Arizona sleeping soundly embraced in her, took away a strand of hair that was falling in Arizona's face and put it behind her ear. Amelia had many partners in her life, especially after her boyfriend's death. Sex was easy and uncomplicated to her. She liked. She needed sex sometimes to feel alive. But she was the one who sneaks out in the morning, with her shoes in her hands and tiptoeing so the guy wouldn't wake up. She never stayed. She didn't do breakfasts and morning kisses. Suddenly the idea of walking out of that bed without seeing the bluest eyes opening up seemed like the worst thing in the world. She wanted to stay, she wanted to say good morning.

Slowly Arizona was blinking and waking up. It has been a long time since she woke up next to someone in her bed, and the feeling was amazing. Amelia's smell was breathtaking, she was sexy and delicious. She was scared like hell of moving and then realizing it was just a dream, but she was also scared of this being reality and meaning she needed to figure it out how to deal with Amelia, her recovery, and everything. They didn't know each other very well. Arizona built walls around her heart since Eliza left town, she was tired of having her heart broken in thousand pieces over someone. But more important than that, she didn't want to break Amelia's heart in any way.

"Hey, good morning" – Amelia said, waking Arizona from her thoughts.

"Good morning, indeed" – Arizona said, smiling and Amelia kissed her.

"Did you sleep well?" – Amelia asked.

"I surely did, and you?" – Arizona asked.

"Me too. And you snore" – Amelia joked.

"I do not!" – Arizona said, getting up and leaning on her elbow to better look at Amelia.

"You do, but it's cute. You're cute" – Amelia said, kissing Arizona's cheek.

"What is this noise?" – Arizona asked, intrigued.

"It's raining outside. Do you work today?" – Amelia asked.

"I do, and you? I can't believe it's raining" – Arizona asked.

"You don't like rainy days?" – Amelia asked.

"Not when I have a beautiful woman in my bed but have to get up and work, no" – Arizona said and started to kiss Amelia.

Soon enough they were having sex again and each time seemed better than the one before.

"I can't leave if you keep doing this" – Arizona said.

"I'm not doing anything, you kissed me, you started it!" – Amelia exclaimed, kissing Arizona's neck.

"Yeah, but now you're provoking me, like this" – Arizona moaned.

"It's all your fault, you're irresistible" – Amelia answered and they started kissing again but Arizona's phone stopped them.

"Damn it, it's Alex" – Arizona said, looking at the phone, and then answering it – "Alex, hi"

While she was talking, Amelia kept kissing her neck, making Arizona lose all of her focus on what Alex was saying.

It was possible to hear him asking ' _Are you there?'_

"Yes, I'm listening" – Arizona said to Alex and whispered _Stop it!_ to Amelia, who was laughing.

After she hung up the call, they agreed she was running late and needed to shower. Amelia just stayed in bed waiting for Arizona to get out of the shower, looking stunning as always.

"You should lose this towel" – Amelia said, smiling.

"And you will get me fired!" – Arizona said, kneeling on the bed to kiss her.

"You're the owner, you can't get fired. Maybe you should take the day off, too" – Amelia said, kissing her.

"I can't believe you're off today. I'm so jealous" – Arizona said, while was getting dressed.

"Yeah, well, I don't have anything good to do, so I think I'll sleep only" – Amelia said.

"Well, luckily this weather is perfect for sleeping. I gotta run, Amy. There's coffee downstairs and I'm pretty sure the pantry is empty, but feel free to eat whatever you find in there" – Arizona said, smiling, while was putting some things inside her purse.

"Wait, what? No, I'm leaving, too" – Amelia said, realizing Arizona was thinking she was going to stay at her house.

"Why? You're off, enjoy it. I'll be back around 8 and we can order some dinner and continue what we were doing before" – Arizona said, kissing the brunette.

"Are you sure? I mean, it's your house. And that was our first night together" – Amelia was a little embarrassed, even though she loved the idea of sleeping with Arizona again.

"So? Don't be silly. Make yourself at home. Ah, and just for you to know, you might bump into DeLuca sometime during the day, I'm not sure how is his schedule these days" – Arizona said, almost leaving the room.

"Wait, what? What do I tell him? Oh my God, maybe it's better if I leave, too" – Amelia exclaimed.

"Hey, hey, stop it! You don't have to say anything, just say I let you stay in here. I just warned you so you wouldn't get scared if you hear someone entering the house. Get some sleep, enjoy your day off and imagine me kissing your whole body when I come home later" – Arizona said and kissed her again, this time leaving the house.


	17. Chapter 17

Amelia fell asleep again, smelling Arizona's scent on her pillow. Not long after that, she heard a noise coming from downstairs.

 _Damn it! DeLuca is here. I should stay quiet in here. And leave._

Amelia was having an argument with herself, inside her head, about what she should do about DeLuca being in there at the same time as her.

 _Maybe I should just get out and talk to him. Be polite. We're colleagues._

 _No. He'll find it weird. What am I doing in here? What kind of colleague stays over in the other person's house in the day off? He's a resident, he knows that staying over means sleeping over. And sleeping over means sex._

 _But what if he opens the door and finds me in here? He'll think it's even stranger that I haven't come out to say hello._

 _Jesus Christ, what should I do? Can I sneak out through the window?_

After several minutes pacing around the room feeling anxious, she decided to take an action. She picked up her phone and called Arizona.

"Hi!" – Arizona answered it, perky.

"Hey. Can you talk right now?" – Amelia sounded nervous.

"I'm heading to the OR, is something wrong?" – Arizona was worried now.

"Not really. I mean, maybe. I don't know, you'll think it's stupid" – Amelia hesitated.

"What is it? You can talk to me" – Arizona insisted.

"I'm having a real trouble deciding if I should go out and say hello to DeLuca or not. I mean, what will he think?" – Amelia said and Arizona remained in silence for a few seconds.

"Yeah, you were right" – Arizona said.

"I know, right? Doesn't it sound weird to just go out and say 'hi, I'm here in your house, alone, waiting for Robbins'?" – Amelia said, not noticing Arizona wasn't agreeing with her.

"No, I meant you were right before, it is stupid." – Arizona said.

"You're no help for me" – Amelia growled.

"Amy, it's not big deal, he knows we're friends, if you're not comfortable with him knowing we slept together, you don't have to tell him at all. Just go out, say hello, and live like a normal person and not a hostage locked up in my room. I gotta go. See you later!" – Arizona said, sounding firm but sweet.

Amelia wasn't convinced yet and couldn't stop pacing around the room until she realized that there wasn't any noise from downstairs anymore.

 _Maybe he left. Maybe he's asleep. It's my window to get food and water and never coming out of this room again._

She decided to go to the kitchen and stumbled across DeLuca on the couch watching some tv. Both of them were scared and surprised to see each other.

"Oh, Dr. Shepherd. I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here" – DeLuca said, embarrassed.

"No, that's ok. You're at your house, right? I'm sorry, Arizona let me stay in here because I'm off. She's not, but I am" – Amelia rambled, nervous.

"I see" – DeLuca wasn't sure what to answer.

"I mean, I needed to read a little, and it's kind of hard to have silence in my place. Because of the kids. You know, Meredith's kids. Dr. Grey's kids" – Amelia continued to ramble.

"Yeah, of course. I can turn off the TV if it's disturbing you" – DeLuca offered.

"No, please, there's no need. I just wanted to grab some water, and I'll be back in my room. Arizona's room!" – Amelia was red as a tomato and feeling so anxious she thought she might puke.

"Suit yourself, with the water, I mean" – DeLuca said, nervously, too.

"Ok, DeLuca. This is not going to leave this room, do you get me?" – Amelia shouted.

"What isn't leaving the room?" – DeLuca asked, now confused.

"This. This situation. You're not gossiping around the hospital tomorrow like a high school kid" – Amelia ordered.

"I don't think I understand what you're saying" – DeLuca confessed.

"Sex, DeLuca!" – Amelia shouted.

"Oh. I see. Sex." – DeLuca said, still confused, and asked – "I'm sorry, but what are you saying? About the sex."

"That I had sex with Arizona last night, and that's why I'm here" – Amelia explained and the resident's face changed immediately.

"Oh! Right. Ok, of course, I won't say anything. Don't worry" – DeLuca sounded relieved.

"Wait, it wasn't obvious to you?" – Amelia asked, intrigued.

"No, not at all. I just assumed you stayed in last night." – DeLuca said.

"Oh. So I didn't need to tell you, right? You would've believed in that." – Amelia asked, embarrassed.

"I would, but it's good you told me, now I can actually leave the house for you both, tonight. Right? Are you waiting for her in here?" – DeLuca asked.

"Yeah, if that's ok" – Amelia answered, a little shy.

"Yeah, sure. I can even help you cook the dinner if you want to. I'm Italian!" – DeLuca said, smiling.

"Dinner? Wait, did she tell you anything about dinner?" – Amelia freaked out again.

"What? No, I haven't spoken to her since the weekend. I just assumed, you know, date, dinner…" – DeLuca explained.

"Oh my God, do I have to cook dinner? I do, don't I? She's expecting it, isn't she?" – Amelia asked.

"I really don't know, it was just a suggestion, don't listen to me" – DeLuca tried to fix it.

"No, no, that was good. You've opened my eyes. You need to help me, I can bake really well because I have a large number of nieces and nephews, but I can barely boil water." – Amelia explained.

"Ok, you can bake a cake, I can make pasta, how's that sounds?" – DeLuca suggested.

"You're a genius. She loves pasta. She does, doesn't she?" – Amelia asked, nervous.

"She does. Let's see what we've got in here" – DeLuca said and they both spent the afternoon together cooking and talking.

When Arizona got home, she was expecting Amelia to be inside her room, still embarrassed by DeLuca and starving because she was too ashamed to go to the kitchen and fix something for her to eat. Arizona was pretty tired herself, so she thought delivery was going to be the best option for them.

When she opened the door, a heavenly smell invaded her. There were lightened candles at the table and Amelia was looking stunning with a large shirt of Arizona's, with no pants.

"Hey, what is all of this?" – Arizona asked, amused and surprise.

"I just thought you would like to have a little dinner with me" – Amelia said, kissing the blonde.

"Did you cook?" – Arizona asked.

"Does it seems so impossible?" – Amelia joked.

"Of course not, I'm just surprised, that's all. Thank you, Amy" – Arizona said, enchanted by her.

"I also baked, that's how good I am" – Amelia quipped.

"Oh, wow, in that case, I must really consider having you as a hostage in here" – Arizona said and they started to kiss again.

That was the perfect beginning of their relationship. During the first two weeks, they remained just colleagues at the hospital, with eventual stolen kisses and sex on the on-call rooms, but so far, only DeLuca knew about them, even though everybody close to them could swear they seemed different.

Maggie and Meredith knew Amelia was seeing someone since she practically didn't sleep in the house anymore, but every time they asked their sister, she insisted on not revealing her date's name.

One day, after sleeping at Arizona's, Amelia arrived at the hospital at the same time as Maggie. Seeing her sister's huge smile, Maggie couldn't hold herself.

"Someone had an awesome night" – Maggie commented.

"I did, indeed" – Amelia answered, smiling.

"Why don't you tell us who she is?" – Maggie insisted.

"Why do you think is a she?" – Amelia joked.

"It's just a feeling. We know her for sure, otherwise you would've said her name already" – Maggie commented.

"I will tell you, soon. It's just… it's so good as it is. I am scared as hell to ruin this!" – Amelia confessed.

"By telling her name? Stop it! You're not ruining anything!" – Maggie insisted.

"Soon, Mags. Soon!" – Amelia said and left her sister alone waiting for the elevator.


	18. Chapter 18

Later that day, a pregnant woman arrived at the hospital pretty injured and with her BP at the highest. Maggie got paged and as soon as she noticed the pregnancy, she ordered someone to page Arizona, who arrived there a few minutes later.

"I got paged in here. Pierce, it was you?" – Arizona asked.

"Yes, Melissa Harmer, 38 years old, car versus wall, wall took the best of it. She's pregnant and her BP is on the ceiling, I need to take her to the OR now" – Maggie informed.

"Ok, let me check this baby quickly, was she awake?" – Arizona asked.

"Not since I am in here. Do you need to deliver the baby?" – Maggie asked.

"I'll try not to, she's only 28 weeks far, but she's in a serious distress. I'll scrub in with you" – Arizona said and they both went quickly to the OR.

In the OR, Kepner joined them to take care of her other injuries. Arizona kept monitoring the baby's heart beats but her feature was pure worry.

"Robbins, how is the baby?" – Maggie asked.

"Not good. I'll give you guys 3 more minutes, or I have to deliver" – Arizona said.

"Pierce, her liver seems ok now, I'm pretty much done in here" – Kepner said.

"Her heart is so friable, the sutures aren't holding up. I need more suction in here, please" – Maggie ordered.

"Maggie, the baby won't survive, I have to deliver it now" – Arizona insisted.

"Just one more minute, Robbins, I'm almost done in here" – Maggie asked.

"He doesn't have a minute, they will both die!" – Arizona exclaimed.

"Damn it, ok, ok. Go ahead. Damn it!" – Maggie was furious.

"It's not your fault, Maggie. It was a high possibility anyway. Let's hope he can make it, too. Save her heart!" – Arizona said and approached the patient to start the c-section – "Ten blade, please"

Arizona delivered the baby and Maggie was able to save the woman after all. They exit the OR exhausted, but hopeful they both would make it through the night.

"Man, I'm tired. But you were amazing in there!" – Maggie said to Arizona.

"We both were, you made a miracle with that heart" – Arizona answered.

"What are you going to do now? Do you want to go to Joe's and have a drink? I surely need a drink after this" – Maggie asked and without even realizing, Arizona just spills it out.

"That sounds good, I just need to check with Amy if she…" – in the middle of the sentence, Arizona shut up and put her hand on her mouth. – "Oh my God"

"Wait, what?" – Maggie exclaimed.

"Oh my God. Nothing. I-I… you heard nothing, Pierce!" – Arizona said, nervously.

"You and Amelia? Oh my God! I can't believe!" – Maggie exclaimed, happily.

"Please, Maggie, don't say a word. We're taking this slow for now, I don't wanna ruin it. Don't ruin this!" – Arizona shouted.

"Oh relax, Robbins. I won't say anything, I'm just relieved to know it's you who is making her so happy!" – Maggie said, hugging Arizona.

"Is she? Happy?" – Arizona asked, sounding like a fool in love.

"She is, Robbins. And she better stays like that!" – Maggie said and headed to the attending's lounge while Arizona was smiling alone, happy that she and Amelia were a good thing.

After grabbing her stuff, Maggie whispered to Meredith.

"Meet me at the parking lot. Now"

"What?" – Meredith was confused, but Maggie left the lounge.

At the parking lot, Maggie was nervous. She needed to tell Meredith.

"What happened?" – Meredith asked, worried.

"Robbins." – Maggie said, smiling.

"Oh, no. You too?" – Meredith sighed.

"What?" – Maggie asked, confused.

"You have a thing for Robbins, too. Everyone in this hospital falls in love with her!" – Meredith said, laughing.

"No, idiot! Amelia does! She and Robbins are together. Arizona is the one who's making Amelia all perky and happy!" - Maggie said, smiling.

"Seriously? How do you know? Did Amelia finally tell you?" – Meredith asked, sounding surprised, but in a good way.

"Arizona told me by accident and made me promise I wouldn't tell anyone, so, you know, don't tell anyone" – Maggie said. – This is good, right? I mean, Arizona is a good person, isn't she?"

"She is, she's a very good person. I think Amelia is lucky" – Meredith smiled and they both left the hospital.

Arizona decided to tell Amelia what happened, she knew Maggie wouldn't stay quiet and she was afraid Amelia could be upset with her, so she called the brunette.

\- _Hi, beautiful._

\- _Hi, Amy, are you home already?_

\- _Yeah, just arrived, why?_

\- _Hum… I need to tell you something. Please don't be mad._

\- _Sure, what's wrong?_

\- _Won't you be mad?_

\- _I don't know, will I?_

\- _Amy, you need to promise, or I won't tell you._

\- _Ok, I promise I won't be mad._

\- _I accidentally told Maggie about us._

\- _Ok, and?_

\- _That's it. It slipped, I made her promise me she wouldn't open her mouth, but I thought it was better if I told you first._

\- _Why would I be mad because of it?_

\- _Because we were waiting to tell people, right?_

\- _Yeah, but she was bugging me about it, it's good that you told her. We can tell people. I mean, if it's ok to you._

\- _Of course, it is. Ok, then._

\- _But, uhm… what are we telling people, exactly?_

\- _What do you mean?_

\- _Well, we… I mean, I don't know what we are. Like, we're a couple?_

\- _Of course, we are, Amy. You're my girlfriend. I hope, at least._

\- _I'm your girlfriend, then. It's good to know._

\- _It's good, indeed._

They hung up and even sleeping in different beds, they felt like it was the closest they have ever been. Now they were not only an official couple, but also no longer a hidden couple.

After Maggie and Meredith finding out about them, Amelia felt safe asking for advices from them. She still felt insecure about romantic gestures or how a person should behave in a serious relationship. Amelia had serious relationships before, but one of them she spent the entire time high; the other one made her move to Seattle because she didn't feel ready to commit; then she had Owen, who made her move back to Meredith's house the second she felt trapped in his dreams or expectations. She was really good at running away, but now she didn't feel the urge to run, she wanted to stay.

On the other hand, Arizona was always the secure one in her relationships. Before Callie, she was well-known as a heartbreaker. With Callie, even though things got ruined after the plane crash, she always felt comfortable and secure enough to say what was bothering her or how she expected things to be. She faced her friends to stay with Eliza. She knew the drill about relationships with colleagues; she knew what usually goes wrong or right. She knew a lot about Amelia's past, enough for her to feel even stronger the urge to take care of her. Not in the way Callie wanted to do after she lost her leg. Not the willing to fix her, because she didn't think Amelia needed to be fixed. She only wanted to be the one who would be there every time Amelia feels she needs someone. She wanted to be that someone. She wanted to wake up beside her and contemplate those beautiful eyes of her. She wanted to build a life together, grow old, make plans. She wanted Amelia to wish for it, too.


	19. Chapter 19

Two months passed by and both Amelia and Arizona seemed to be at the happiest moment of their lives. Arizona now spends a lot of time with Amelia's family in Meredith's house, and they often talk about maybe finding a place together. Every now and then Amelia freaks out about nothing, in a kind of vicious-sabotage due to her not-so-lucky love past, but Arizona is great at keep her calm and show her that the insecurity is natural, but she's not going anywhere without the brunette.

'I'm scared' is often said by Amelia, she can't help but feel unprotected whenever a day goes by with some kind of stress or even when they disagree on whatever cuisine they will try at dinner. Sometimes, with just a regular and expected fight between the couple, Amelia's confidence is gone. And Arizona apologizes and they work it out.

Lately, Amelia was having a bad dream, always the same one, about her getting wasted and both Arizona and Derek staring at her with disappointment written on their faces.

"Hey, hey, what happened? Settle down, honey, it was just a bad dream. Just breathe" – Arizona calmed Amelia down when she woke up screaming.

"I keep having the same dream, what's wrong with me?" – Amelia said, crying.

"Baby, have you thought about what I said to you the other day?" – Arizona asked, holding her hand.

"About therapy?" – Amelia asked with dissatisfaction.

"Yes, Amy, about therapy. You're feeling insecure and scared, all the time, it's not healthy for you. And it's not healthy for us, too" – Arizona pointed.

"I'm sorry if my constant bad dream is disturbing you" – Amelia said, sarcastically.

"You know that's not what I meant. But even if we have an argument over a weekend plan you just freak out, thinking I'm walking away from you. I'm not leaving, and you won't do drugs again, but for you to be as sure as I am, maybe you need a little help" – Arizona explained.

"I just want to go back to sleep. Can we do that, please?" – Amelia asked, and Arizona nodded yes.

On the next morning, they both left Amelia's house at the same time to the hospital. Amelia was quiet most of the time and Arizona wasn't up to another fight about therapy, so she just kept talking to Maggie the whole way.

A little after they arrived, they got paged at the ER over a patient that was about to arrive.

"What do we got?" – Amelia asked Arizona, Maggie and April that were already waiting for the ambulance.

"All they said was that it's a young woman and that she got an overdose" – April said and Amelia's face immediately changed.

The ambulance arrived and all the doctors ran towards the paramedics that were getting the woman out of the ambulance.

"25 years old, we don't know her name, she was found at a supermarket with no wallet or ID" – The paramedic started.

"How do you know it's an overdose?" – Maggie asked him.

"That was inside her pocket" – He pulled out a bag of pills and showed them – "It's oxy"

"Why was I paged? She's an adult" – Arizona asked April.

"She's pregnant, less than 20 weeks long" – The other paramedic said.

"Ok, people, let's move, get her to Trauma 1, we need to bring her back, let's go!" – Maggie ordered and they started to run, except Amelia, who stood still, shocked.

"Amy, are you coming?" – Arizona asked.

"Yeah, yeah" – Amelia answered, with a lost stare.

"Push 5 of epi and let's start CPR" – April ordered, while Maggie was listening to the woman's heart – "Robbins, can you check on the baby?"

"I'm on it, I need the room to be quiet now, please" – Arizona ordered and was trying to hear the baby's heartbeat with the ultrasound.

"Her pupils are unresponsive, she probably had a brain damage by now" – Amelia said, worried.

"We have a heartbeat again, let's give her some more fluids, now" – Maggie ordered and Arizona was still trying to check on the baby, unsuccessfully.

"Robbins, anything?" – Maggie asked.

"No. No heartbeat. It's dead" – Arizona said with an angry voice and April removed her gloves angrily and left the room without saying a word.

Amelia kept looking nowhere, shocked by how similar the woman was to her, just a few years ago. It could've been her in that bed.

"We need to keep her heart beating, we'll check again in six hours, and hope to find her family in time. Maybe she's a donor" – Maggie said, also sad.

"I have to remove her fetus before she develops an infection" – Arizona said.

"Do you need me to call you a resident to help?" – Maggie asked.

"That's ok, Maggie. Thanks. I can do it" – Arizona said and noticed Amelia leaving the room quietly. – "Maybe you should check on her, she's probably down because of the woman dying of an overdose" – Arizona suggested and Maggie nodded yes and left after Amelia.

Later on the day, Arizona looked for Amelia inside the hospital. She was worried about her girlfriend and wanted to make sure if she was hanging on.

"Hey, I'm looking all over for you, what are you doing in here?" – Arizona asked, after finding her sitting outside the hospital.

"I just come here for fresh air every now and then" – Amelia said, softly.

"Are you ok?" – Arizona asked.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" – Amelia answered, not looking into Arizona's eyes.

"Well, I guess it must be hard for you to watch a young woman dying of an overdose, I just wanted to make sure you're ok" – Arizona explained.

"She isn't me, Arizona. I'm not in that bed, don't worry" – Amelia said, slightly rude.

"I know you're not, but the story might remind you of some kind of past" – Arizona tried to be nice.

"Well, you don't know my past or how it looked like, so, just skip it, ok?" – Amelia said.

"Whatever you like" – Arizona answered and stood up, a little upset with Amelia.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude, I just don't like talking about my past, ok?" – Amelia apologized, but Arizona left in silence.


	20. Chapter 20

Arizona decided to give Amelia space for her to overcome that day in the way she wanted. After her shift was over, she headed home very tired and eager for a bath. Her wishes didn't last long when Meredith called her cellphone.

\- Hi, Mer!

\- Hi, by any chance Amelia's there with you?

\- No, why? I left the hospital half an hour ago, I haven't seen her in a while.

\- Yeah, well, neither have I. She didn't come home.

\- Isn't she working? You know how Amelia gets sometimes, maybe she is hiding in there.

\- Maggie looked for her there, she's not working. Maggie told me you guys had a patient who died, right?

\- Yeah, overdose. I tried to talk to her afterwards, she insisted she was fine and didn't like talking about it.

\- Wilson said she saw Amelia leaving the hospital around 5 pm. It's almost eleven and she's not home or answering the phone.

\- Ok, I'll call her now and give you an update. Maybe she's at some meeting?

\- Yeah, maybe. Let me know if you find something, ok?

\- I will.

Now Arizona was worried. She knew it wasn't like Amelia to just disappear like that. She called her girlfriend's phone but all she got was voicemail.

"Amy, hi, I've been trying to reach you for a while now, where are you? Call me back when you get this"

Twenty minutes later, Arizona couldn't look away from her phone. Amelia hasn't called her back yet, and the calls keep getting straight into voicemail.

"Baby, I'm starting to worry. Your sisters said you're not at home or at the hospital. Can you please call me?"

Arizona insisted and she realized that her messages sounded incomplete. She wanted to beg Amelia to call her back, and then she wanted to say "I love you" because she did. What if something had happened to her? What if she wouldn't have the chance to say I love you? She called one more time, walking towards her car. She needed to find Amelia.

"Amy, I'm officially freaking out and I need to talk to you. Can you call me, baby? Please? I didn't want to tell you over a voicemail but I love you. Don't shut me out of your life, I love you. Call me. I need to see you"

\- Richard, hi, it's Arizona.

\- Oh, hi Robbins. How are you?

\- Not so good. By any chance, you were in some AA meeting today?

\- Yes, I was, why? Did something happen?

\- Amelia's missing since she left the hospital this afternoon. Was she in the meeting?

\- No, she wasn't. I haven't seen her there lately. Is she ok? Do you think she's drinking again?

\- No, I mean, I don't know. We had this junkie patient today who died, she was an oxy addict. I think this messed with Amelia's head.

\- Have you looked for her at Joe's? Or other bars?

\- I'm on my way, please, let me know if you know something, ok?

\- Of course, I will. Call me if you need anything.

\- Thank you, Richard.

After checking a few bars near the hospital, Arizona was no luck. Nobody saw Amelia, which could be just a good news as a bad one. Maybe she wasn't drinking at all, but she could be taking some oxy in an alley somewhere. Arizona was desperate and decided to go to Meredith's.

"Any luck?" – Meredith asked when she opened the door.

"She hasn't been in any bar that I went. Richard didn't see her at the meeting, though" – Arizona said, worried.

"Nobody has seen her at the hospital after she left this afternoon. Guys, should we call the police?" – Maggie sounded very worried, she had tears in her eyes.

"I think she's just hanging. By herself. Maybe she needed some space" – Meredith tried to calm Maggie.

"She's not this person, Mer. She doesn't like being alone, she goes out for fresh air outside the hospital but she knows someone will always find her there. She wouldn't disappear like that" – Arizona said and before she could control it, she was crying.

"Hey, hey, let's not think the worst, please. She's fine, Arizona, she'll call us" – Meredith said, hugging her friend.

Just a few seconds later, they heard the front door opening. It was Amelia, safe and sound.

"Oh my God, you're here. Alive." – Arizona said, and wiped her tears off.

"Where the hell were you, Amelia?" – Maggie shouted.

"What's going on?" – Amelia sounded surprised by the scene.

"We were worried, you disappeared!" – Meredith explained, sensing a huge fight getting closer.

"I didn't! I was out, what is wrong with you?" – Amelia was intrigued.

"Why didn't you return any of the thousand calls?" – Arizona shouted.

"My phone died. What's happening? I didn't know I had a curfew" – Amelia said, sarcastically.

"Don't joke about this. It's irresponsible. We were worried about you!" – Maggie was pissed.

"Well, you didn't have to be, I'm fine, I'm a grownup. Jesus…" – Amelia tried to laugh, but Maggie interrupted her.

"No, you're not. You act like a spoiled brat that disappear without answering the damn phone. Do you want your space? Then move the hell out. While you live in here you are family. I've learned that family cares. Maybe you should think about that" – Maggie said and went upstairs.

"Go get laid, Maggie. You're worrying about my life too much, maybe you should worry about yours for a change" – Amelia shouted so Maggie could hear, and Meredith got pissed off too.

"You take everything and everyone for granted. One day you'll miss having people worrying about where the hell you are" – Meredith said, angrily.

"Fuck you, Meredith. Who do you think you are to give me life lessons? You vanished for a whole year after Derek died, don't say what I'll miss or not, you know nothing about me" – Amelia shouted and went upstairs to her room. Arizona decided to go after her, she wasn't recognizing her behavior. That wasn't Amelia, that wasn't the woman she fell in love with.

"What the hell, Amy? Why are you being such a jerk?" – Arizona shouted, slamming the door.

"Give me a break, Arizona. Don't test me" – Amelia said.

"Don't test you? Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea how many bars I went and how many phone calls I made trying to find you? Do you know how that felt?" – Arizona shouted.

"I didn't ask you to. I didn't ask any of you. I was just taking a time by myself and look the scandal the three of you made? I'm not a child, don't treat me like one" – Amelia said.

"No, you're not a child, you're an ass. You said those horrible things to your sisters like they were just your drinking buddies from a decade ago. They love you. I love you. We care. I'm just starting to think that maybe you just don't deserve it" – Arizona said, crying, and left the room.


	21. Chapter 21

That broke Amelia's heart. She was completely out of line and she knew it. That was always the same; every time she feels cornered by someone, she just becomes an asshole, and say things she doesn't believe. She did it with her sisters, she did it Arizona and all they were trying to do was care about her.

She needed to apologize, she was feeling awful. The night seemed longer than usual. Amelia couldn't sleep thinking about the huge mess she did. When she decided to pick up her phone to text Arizona, she saw the several voicemails in it. When she listened to Arizona's and the "I love you" part, this part she wanted to hear for so long, she fell apart. She was so in love with her and right now she felt like she just ruined it, maybe for good.

In the morning, Maggie and Meredith were in the kitchen fixing up the breakfast for the kids, when Amelia arrived there.

"Mer, I'm leaving now, do you want me to take Zola to school?" – Maggie said, the minute she saw Amelia there.

"Maggie, please, I want to talk to you. Both of you. I'm really, really sorry about yesterday" – Amelia said, trying to convince her sister to stay.

"Ok. Apologies accepted. I have to leave" – Maggie said but Amelia insisted.

"Maggie, please, can you hear me for just a second? I'm a HUGE mess. I know it, you know it. Everybody knows it, and usually, I'm ok with that, I'm ok with everybody expecting me to fail, to show the world the mess I am. Somehow I feel different now, I really like Arizona, and I really like the person I am with her. So now I care. I don't want you to expect me to fail. And you guys, you made me strong every fucking day of my life. You made me believe in me. That's why the minute I realized that even for a quick moment you were expecting me to fail, I lost it. I really lost it. I said horrible things to both of you, and I don't believe in anything I said. I'm completely and honestly and deeply sorry" – Amelia opened up her heart to her sisters.

"You can't just do it, you know? Like, live your lonely life and let us be part of it whenever you want, shutting us out whenever you want, too. I already have three children to worry about, Amelia. I can't do this" – Meredith said, making Amelia's tears fall down from her eyes.

"I know, Mer. Don't you think I know that? The thing is: your kids are far more smart and brave than I am. I hide when I'm scared, I don't know how to ask for help." – Amelia said, crying.

"Why did you disappear yesterday?" – Maggie asked her, now feeling touched by her sister's confession.

"Because I saw myself in that patient all day. Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw the old me, the addict me. I didn't know how to say that without making you two and Arizona feeling sorry for me, so I needed to be alone. But I didn't use anything, I didn't drink. I just sat alone and felt sorry for myself" – Amelia said, and Maggie hugged her.

"You need to ask for help, Amy. I've tried to talk to you all day because I was worried. I wasn't expecting you to fail, Mer wasn't expecting you to fail, but we know sometimes things can get too hard on us, and that's why we have each other" – Maggie said.

"Mer, can you please forgive me? I can't do this without you" – Amelia asked.

"No, you don't get to put me in that position, I'm not responsible for whatever you can or can't do. Don't do this, it's not fair!" – Meredith shouted.

"It isn't fair, I know that. That's why I'm asking you, because if you two turn your back on me, then I'm done. Nobody else cares about me and the person I'm in love with right now won't probably ever speak to me again. So that's it, my mom doesn't care, my other sisters don't care, they never did. I don't have anybody else in my life" – Amelia said, taking Meredith's hand.

"Do you promise not to disappear again? I mean, do you really promise me that?" – Meredith asked.

"I do. I promise you" – Amelia said and they hugged.

It was an emotional morning and Amelia knew that it was just the beginning. She still had no clue about how she was going to fix things with Arizona.

The three of them headed to the hospital and Amelia was crying silently all the way. She knew Arizona was disappointed and mad. It was not going to be easy to fix things and as they were getting closer to the hospital entrance, she was feeling more and more scared.

"She won't forgive me, will she? I mean, why the hell she would want to forgive someone who said those things to her?" – Amelia was thinking out loud, and Maggie took her hand.

"You'll never know if you don't try. And after all, you need to apologize to her, even if it's still too soon for her to forgive you." – Maggie said and they walked in.

Amelia changed into her scrubs and when she left the attending's room she spotted Arizona typing on her tablet, near the front desk.

"Hey, do you have a minute?" – Amelia asked, softly.

"I don't, actually" – Arizona answered, without looking into Amelia's eyes, and started to walk away.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I need to apologize to you" – Amelia said, but Arizona kept walking.

"Arizona, please, don't do this. Can you hear me for just a second?" – Amelia said and grabbed her arm.

Arizona turned around and slowly opened her eyes and stared into Amelia's. She could see a deep sadness in those eyes, and that broke her heart. But at the same time, she couldn't be the one who saves her, she didn't want this kind of relationship.

"Ok, I'm listening" – Arizona said.

"I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean any of those things I've said last night" – Amelia said.

"Were you drunk?" – Arizona asked.

"I wasn't. I wasn't high, either. I was just mad. That patient made me mad about myself and I took it all out on you" – Amelia explained.

"I asked you if you were ok and you told me to go away. How am I supposed to do that, Amy? I mean, teach me, because I can't play this game. You say you don't like to talk about your past but you clearly needed to talk about it, to vomit this in order to not going crazy, and instead, you push people away, you disappear, you say horrible things and then you come back and say it's this patient's fault?" – Arizona said, a little louder than she expected.

"I didn't mean it like that, it wasn't her fault, of course not. It was my fault, I saw myself on her and that made me sad, and scared. It doesn't justify the things I've said, I know that, but you have no idea what it's like to lose everything, Arizona. I've lost everything in my life: my health, my child, my boyfriend, my brother… I never got to say goodbye to him. I almost lost my career. I deal with losses in a messed way but it's how I can cope with it!" – Amelia shouted, emotional. She was fighting her tears back but it wasn't hard to see she was about to fall apart.

"I've lost all of that, too! My brother died and all I've got was a folded flag in my damn hands. I've lost my leg, I've lost my marriage, I miscarried a baby, too. My daughter lives across the country and I have to be satisfied with a facetime relationship for most of the year. I also thought about giving up medicine, I never thought I would stand again and do surgeries. I've lost a lot. And I was a jerk for too long. That's how I know what you're going through. I know, ok? I understand. But at some point of your life, you'll have to choose, either you ask for help and accept it, or you just live alone for the rest of your life. So, what's your choice, Amelia?" – Arizona said and before Amelia could answer, she left.


	22. Chapter 22

Amelia spent the whole day thinking about that. She actually hadn't stopped to think about how much Arizona had lost, too. But mainly, how much she had overcome over these years and that made Amelia feel even weaker. She wasn't as strong as Arizona, she probably didn't deserve her, anyway. What could she give Arizona? She was a huge mess and that feeling was taking her over.

She was crying inside of a supply room when Alex came in in a hurry without noticing her in there. She tried to be in silence, but she had cried so much it was kind of impossible.

"Hey, sorry, haven't seen you in here. Are you ok?" – Alex asked. They weren't much closer, but still, Amelia was not only Mer's sister, but also Arizona's girlfriend. She was deeply connected to two of the most important women in his life.

"Yeah, don't worry" – Amelia said, trying to smile and wiping her tears off.

"You don't seem fine to me. Can I help you with something?" – Alex asked, sitting beside her.

"Not really, but thanks. That's sweet of you to offer" – Amelia said, smiling at him.

"Well, for what is worth, there are only a few people in here as screwed as I am in life, so I'm eligible to help properly" – Alex joked, making her laugh too.

"Have you abused drugs and lost everything in your life, too?" – Amelia joked.

"I haven't abused drugs because I knew I wouldn't ever get out of that if I started. But, I messed up my entire life without needing drugs. I'm a pro, right?" – Alex joked and they laughed loudly.

"You don't play at work, man!" – Amelia exclaimed and Alex held her hand.

"Look, whatever it's happening, I'm sure you've seen worse, so the best thing you can do is getting that off your system and get back on the horse!" – Alex said.

"Horse? Is this a metaphor?" – Amelia looked at him intrigued.

"You got it, don't force" – Alex complained.

"Have you ever disappointed Robbins?" – Amelia asked, feeling better talking to him.

"Yep. About a hundred times" – Alex said, smiling.

"Is she a quick forgive?" – Amelia asked, laughing cutely.

"Well, it depends. I was the one who cut off her leg and she still loves me. What did you do?" – Alex asked her.

"I behaved like an ass and when I've tried to apologize, I said she didn't understand what was to lose everything. And she actually did lose so much. Now I'm an ass AND spoiled to her" – Amelia commented.

"She lost a lot, indeed. But she was horrible after the leg incident. She learned how to cope with that, she knows people react differently and she is actually pretty good about helping people on the way. She saved my career. She saved Torres by letting her take Sofia to New York, for God's sake. She's good. She'll come around" – Alex said and he sounded so sure it made Amelia cry again. She wasn't as sure as him that Arizona would come around and forgive her.

"I'm feeling kind of lost right now. Do I need to push it? Do I need to talk to her again? Or does she need this space? I don't know what to do" – Amelia said, with a sad voice.

"I think you need to let her know you care. The rest will figure itself out" – Alex said, and kissed the top of Amelia's head and left the room.

Amelia decided to take the rest of the day off. It hurts too much being in that hospital without being able to talk to Arizona. She needed to clear her head in order not to fall apart or use drugs again.

She texted her sisters to let them know she was going home earlier, just after her meeting finishes, so they wouldn't be worried again.

At the end of the day, Maggie was resting inside an on-call room, because she was on call that night, and Meredith was stuck in the OR for quite a long time. Once the surgery finished, she got paged at the ER for an emergency.

"Kepner, where do you need me?" – Meredith asked.

"Wilson, take them to trauma 1 and 3, I'll be right there, page Riggs and the general surgeon on call, now!" – April ordered.

"I'm a general surgeon, where do you need me?" – Meredith insisted.

"Meredith, come here with me, please" – April said, making Meredith looked confused.

"What's going on? I know that look" – Meredith said, worried.

"Listen, Amelia suffered an accident, she is one of the victims that just came in, I paged you so you would know, and maybe be with her? She is awake, but we don't know how injured she really is" – April told and Meredith was looking at her as she was speaking German.

"What are you saying? Did Amelia get into an accident? What happened? Is she alive?" – Meredith was shaking.

"Yes, she is alive, she is awake and responsive, she got into a car accident" – April tried to explain slowly this time, so Meredith could understand.

"Where is she? Take me to my sister now" – Meredith shouted, and April walked her into the trauma room where Amelia was.

"What do we got, Warren?" – April asked.

"She suffered a shoulder dislocation, probably will require surgery, she doesn't seem to have any other major injuries, her neuro exam is normal and she is awake the whole time" – Warren said, while April was examining her belly.

"Amelia, what happened? Are you in pain? Did someone give her anything?" – Meredith shouted, but Amelia held her arm and interrupted her.

"No! Please, no painkillers." – Amelia said, making a pain-face due to her injuries – "I don't want painkillers if it's not necessary, please" – Amelia said.

"Check her abdomen, April." – Meredith ordered and turned around to talk to Amelia again – "Do you remember what happened? Did the wheel hit your chest?" – Meredith asked.

"I was driving and some car hit me, I'm fine, just… Can you be here, with me, please?" – Amelia said with difficulties, she was in a lot of pain, and suddenly she started to pass out and there was some blood coming out of her mouth.

"She's fainting, she had blood coming out, she needs a CT, STAT!"- Meredith shouted and they started to check for further injuries.

April tried to take Meredith from the room, but she insisted to be Amelia's doctor too, she didn't want to leave her sister alone. She turned to the intern that was in there assisting them and ordered:

"Page Dr. Robbins, now!"

"Why? Is she pregnant? I don't know if Dr. Robbins is still in here and…" – The intern got interrupted by Meredith.

"I said page Robbins NOW. Go!" – Meredith shouted and they left to CT.

When they exited the elevator, Arizona was running into them, without knowing it was Amelia in the bed. Once she saw her, she froze.

"Robbins, we need to go to CT now. I don't know if you guys talked earlier, but I figured you would like to know" – Meredith said, taking Arizona's hand.

"What happened, Meredith?" – Arizona said, almost crying, she was in shock since there was a lot of blood on Amelia's face.

"Car accident, she had some blood coming out of her mouth, but she was awake 5 minutes ago, and refused painkillers, which means she was lucid and orientated. It's probably some intern bleeding and we'll fix it, don't worry" – Meredith said and they ran to get the CT. Arizona came along, nervously.

"There, she has a broken rib that perforated her lung, she needs surgery, but it doesn't look too serious, you guys can relax!" – April said, smiling, and ordered the intern to get Cardio and an OR ready for them.

"What happened?" – Arizona asked Meredith, about the accident.

"I don't know, someone hit her. That's all she said" – Meredith said and hugged Arizona that was crying.

The surgery went well, but both Maggie and Meredith were at the gallery watching. They were nervous, but they trusted April and Riggs very much.

Arizona couldn't sit and watch, so she stayed at NICU trying to calm herself down, watching the babies in there. She had so many things going through her mind right now that it was hard to remember why they had a fight earlier. She was so afraid Amelia could die on that OR, she was feeling sick.

Once the surgery was over, Meredith paged Arizona so she could know Amelia was fine.

Arizona arrived at Amelia's room and Meredith and Maggie were there, checking on her.

"Everything went fine, she'll be awake soon" – Maggie said, holding Arizona's shaking hand.

"I'll stay here if you guys don't mind, I don't want her to wake up alone" – Arizona said, and Meredith smiled at her.

"Ok, I have to pick up the kids and feed them, but I'll call you to get some updates" – Meredith said and left the room.

"Well, I'm on call, so I'll be at the hospital, if you need anything, please, page me, will you?" – Maggie asked and Arizona just nodded yes.

She sat down beside Amelia's bed, took her hand and kissed it, crying. She looked so fragile in that bed, injured. Arizona kept caressing Amelia's hand and half an hour later, Amelia started to open her eyes.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" – Arizona asked, smiling at her.

"Am I dead?" – Amelia asked, still blinking heavily.

"You're not. You are fine" – Arizona said, caressing Amelia's arm.

"You look like an angel with that smile, I thought I might be dead" – Amelia said, laughing.

"How are you feeling?" – Arizona asked.

"Scared. Because they gave me drugs and I'm afraid of how I will be when the effect is gone" – Amelia said, smiling.

"You'll be fine, Amy. Your sisters were here with you, they watched the surgery and said everything went by fine, ok?" – Arizona said, fondling Amelia's hair.

"Were you there? Watching?" – Amelia asked.

"No. I couldn't watch it" – Arizona said.

"I think I'm going to sound like a jerk again, but I have to ask you. Are you here because you wanted to make sure I would wake up fine? Because if you want to leave, I'll understand." – Amelia said, with tears in her eyes, making Arizona wipe some tears from her eyes, too.

"I'm here because I love you. I don't want to go anywhere without you" – Arizona said, emotional.

"I thought you were going to finish the line with 'you stupid moron!'" – Amelia laughed, and held Arizona's hand, making her laugh too. – "I love you too. So much. I am so sorry about everything" – Amelia started to say, but Arizona interrupted her.

"Hey, hey… stop it. Just focus on getting better quickly and come home with me, ok?" – Arizona asked, caressing Amelia's cheek.


	23. Chapter 23

On the next morning, Arizona kissed Amelia goodbye, since she needed to check on some of her post-op. She only left once Meredith arrived, bringing the kids in to visit her sister.

"Guys, say hi to aunt Amelia!" – Meredith said and the kids ran to be closer to Amelia's bed, shouting "Hi!"

"Oh, hi sweeties, how are you?" – Amelia said, a little bit emotional.

"Mer, I have to check on some post-ops, page me if you need anything, ok?" – Arizona said, smiling at Meredith.

"Yeah, sure, thanks for staying here during the night" – Meredith said and kept staring at her kids with Amelia for a while.

She and Amelia had several issues, and frequently they were fighting or shouting at each other, but she needed to admit: her kids were crazy about their aunt. And Amelia was great with them, no doubt.

"So, how were you, during the night? Any pain?" – Meredith asked.

"My shoulder is aching a lot. Will I need surgery?" – Amelia asked, a little bit worried.

"Yes, but we couldn't do that yesterday, you needed a repair in your abdomen first. Ortho is evaluating your shoulder today to schedule a surgery" – Meredith explained.

"I'm worried about it" – Amelia confessed.

"Why? It's not a complicated surgery" – Meredith asked, intrigued.

"How much time will I be out of surgeries? And how much pain will I feel after it? I don't want to take painkillers" – Amelia said, closing her eyes like she was hopeless.

"We will get there when we get there. Don't worry, you will have all the support you need" – Meredith said and held Amelia's hand – "How are things between you and Arizona?"

"They're fine, I guess. She stayed the whole night. I've tried to apologized again and she asked me to focus on getting better. She said she loves me, Mer. That feels really good" – Amelia said with a dreamy voice.

"It is good, indeed. I'm happy for both of you" – Meredith said and took a deep breath to bring up the next subject – "You know, the police were here yesterday, they wanted to talk to you, but I said you were sleeping due to your surgery"

"Mer, I told you I wasn't drunk or drugged. It's ok, I talk to them, I wasn't guilty at all" – Amelia insisted.

"I know, I know, I'm not doubting you. Actually, they wanted to know if you were going to press charges. The car who hit you was driven by a 15-year-old girl, she didn't have a license" – Meredith explained and she could see the apprehension on Amelia's eyes.

"I won't press charges" – Amelia said.

"Why not? You could've died. The girl needs to understand the danger about this" – Meredith insisted.

"She's 15, Mer. I won't ruin her life. I'm alive. She needs a lecture and surely her parents need to be notified, so they could educate their kids better. But I won't put this girl in some juvie or whatever" – Amelia explained.

"But Amelia…" – Meredith started, but the brunette interrupted her.

"Mer, please. Don't insist. I won't do it. Is she in here? Is she ok?" – Amelia asked.

"She had a big cut on her forehead, and she had a surgery in her right leg. But she's fine" – Meredith informed.

"Can you bring her in here? I want to talk to her. I want her to know what she has done was wrong and dangerous, but I don't need the police to do it" – Amelia asked.

"I'll talk to her and arrange that. I need to go now, busy day. I'll come back later!" – Meredith said, calling her kids out.

"Thank you, Mer. Bye, kids. Give aunt Amy a big kiss now!" – Amelia said.

The ortho team checked on Amelia and scheduled her surgery for the next morning. They've tried to calm her, explaining it was an easy surgery, but she would need to be out of the OR for a couple of months.

That bummed her. She was afraid that she couldn't handle this whole time away from surgeries, which was the only thing that kept her sane all the time.

Bailey passed by to visit Amelia before her shoulder surgery, to make sure she was calm and confident.

"Chief, what an honor!" – Amelia joked; she likes Bailey very much.

"I like to treat my surgeons very well. How are you feeling?" – Bailey said.

"Bored. Can't wait to get back on surgeries" – Amelia said.

"Yeah, that's another reason I'm here. You know that won't be so quickly, right? You will need two or three months away, and probably reduce the number of daily surgeries once you're back" – Bailey said.

"I won't need 2 months away, Bailey. I will do PT and I'm confident we can cut this time by half" – Amelia said.

"We won't. We can't risk your recovery, it's your shoulder, Shepherd" – Bailey said.

"Bailey, I'm a neurosurgeon, I make people recover from brain surgeries faster than that. I need to push myself, you need to push me!" – Amelia exclaimed.

"I won't do such thing. Have you thought about the risk to your patients? Your shoulder is different from your brain, every movement, every slightly movement you need to do would be affected if you don't recover well. I can release you to do consults and we can arrange you some therapy to help you get through these months, but I need to tell you that you won't come back to the OR anytime soon." – Bailey was firm, even though she knew it was hard for her to say, and harder for Amelia to hear.

She left the room and Amelia was devastated. She was afraid this time out would make her relapse her sobriety. A few minutes after Bailey left, Arizona came in. She was going to take Amelia to the OR, and stay with her for as long as she could.

"Hey, baby, ready to go?" – Arizona asked, perky.

"Bailey's not gonna let me go back to surgery" – Amelia said, angry.

"What do you mean? Of course she will, Amy" – Arizona said, confused.

"Yeah, after months and months of PT and evaluations from a thousand doctors. That shouldn't have happened to me, I can't risk everything again" – Amelia shouted.

"Amy, listen to me, you will do everything you need to recover well, without risking any damages to you. And during this time you will be able to do consults. Before you know you will be back inside the OR opening people's skulls. You're not going to risk anything, I'll be with you, the whole time. I won't let you fall back on drugs" – Arizona said, holding Amelia's hand tight.

"You can't do it, you can't save me, no one can. I need to work, it's the only thing that keeps me safe" – Amelia was in a rage.

"You will need to figure it out, Amy, figure it out what we can do to help you get over this time. It's not forever, it's a couple of months!" – Arizona shouted.

"Were you? Sane? How long did you stay out of the hospital?" – Amelia asked, with tears in her eyes.

"A few months. It was hard because I didn't know if I would be able to operate again. I'm here for you, Amy" – Arizona said.

"Callie was there for you, too. And yet, wasn't enough, was it?" – Amelia asked.

"Callie wanted to fix me. I was angry. There were several mistakes about that. I was traumatized over the plane crash. I had bad dreams about that every night. You suffered an accident, it's traumatizing, but you're fine, you're alive with minimum injuries. Try to look the good side on this, Amy. Stop seeking the worst in it" – Arizona asked, and kissed Amelia. – "We need to go now, ok?"

Amelia nodded yes, she had no other choice.


	24. Chapter 24

The surgery went as well as expected, but the prognosis was harder: Amelia needed 4 months to have full recovery, and that means 4 months without even picking up a scalpel. As soon as she wakes up, she will hear the news and Arizona knew it would be hard on her.

Amelia was still asleep when Richard passed by to visit her.

"Robbins, how she's doing?" – Richard asked Arizona, who was sitting beside Amelia's bed.

"The surgery went well, but the recovery will be longer than she expected. She's freaking out over it, she thinks she won't make it so long without operating. I'm actually pretty scared she falls back on drugs" – Arizona confessed.

"She'll need a hell of a support system, Robbins. She needs to get back on meetings and she will need you, even though she'll try to push you away. Do you think you can handle it?" – Richard asked, being completely honest with his friend.

"I don't think I have a choice, Richard. I have to handle it, she needs me, and I love her. It's weird, it's out of the blue to feel connected like that with someone again, but I do. I love her" – Arizona said.

"That requires a lot more than love, Arizona. And you do have a choice, remember what you've been through with Callie after the plane crash. Remember how that almost destroyed you two" – Richard pointed.

"What are you saying, Richard? That I need to break up with her?" – Arizona asked, confused.

"No, I'm saying she'll need a stronger Arizona, one that could put love aside and push her to stay sober and focusing on her recovery. She'll need someone to lie down by her side and say I Love You to her, but it won't be her priority. And you will have to deal with it. I only want you to be prepared, and also, to be honest with yourself, because you have no legal obligations, and you surely don't need to feel less loved. But she will love you less when she's at her highest level of anger and abstinence" – Richard said, leaving Arizona with a lost stare and a confused mind.

Realizing that he maybe got this a little too far, he tried to cheer her up.

"The fact that you hadn't even think about that only proves that you really love her, Robbins. I think you'll do it pretty great and soon enough she will be back in here" – Richard said, making Arizona flashes a little smile.

Arizona stayed in the room, waiting for Amelia to wake up. A few persons stopped by to see her and left flowers, breakfast baskets and cute 'get well soon' cards, so Amelia could see them later.

In Arizona's mind all that was flashing and playing on repeat were Amelia's word before the surgery and Richard's word a few minutes later. Will she become what Callie was? Will she treat Amelia as a patient and not as a girlfriend anymore? She wasn't even sure if she could be the person who will help Amelia properly. She wasn't sure if she has what it takes to be this person. She had so many flaws and she was a jerk when she couldn't stay out of her bed. She missed medicine and surgery and that almost killed her.

Then, slowly, she started to remember all the good moments she had so far with Amelia. Their first kiss and how Arizona was completely stunned by it. How nervous she was even just before the kiss, watching some crappy movie and fighting not to hold Amelia's hand. The first time Amelia introduced her as 'my girlfriend' and how proud she seemed to do that. The first present Arizona bought for Amelia, a beautiful pair of earrings, with a blue stone that fit her eyes. The many many nights they've spent awake having sex and staring at each other feeling lucky to be there. The first time Arizona realized she was completely in love with Amelia and how her palms got sweat every time she almost said, but held back the words. She remembered how beautiful Amelia is when she wakes up, and how fast her heart beats every time Amelia put a strand of hair behind her ear, just to kiss her cheek. She could live without a lot of things, but she didn't know if she could live without that sweet kiss Amelia gives her every single morning.

Suddenly she started to remember her car accident that almost killed Callie and the unborn Sofia. How Callie struggled to recover while Sofia was dealing with her own life and death struggle, too. How lonely Arizona felt when she was so close to lose both of them. She remembered her plane crash, her hope to get better and the comfort on hearing Callie's word promising she wouldn't cut her leg. The emptiness she felt when she woke up without her leg. The lack of life that was in her apartment. She couldn't pick up Sofia, she couldn't cook or take a shower by herself. She hated Callie. She hated herself for surviving. She wished she was dead, so many times. She hated Alex, she hated the hospital. She remembered how hard she was on everyone and how hard she was on herself, too. She knew Amelia's surgery was nothing like hers. The chance of her recovery is almost 100%, if nothing gets in the way. Arizona's leg was something a lot more harder, and yet, there was she, with a normal life, with minimum loss.

Her leg cost her marriage, in a long term. Her marriage ending, cost her a custody trial, an endless battle with Callie and, eventually, Sofia moving away. Her pain cost her a lot. And she felt scared. She didn't want Amelia to feel that, she didn't want Amelia to feel guilty if she screws up, like Arizona did when she cheated on Callie. Arizona didn't want to feel tossed out when Amelia get angry. Arizona didn't know if she should stay, at all.

Maybe Richard was right, love wasn't enough, it wouldn't be enough for them.

Just after an hour, Amelia started to open her eyes slowly. She wasn't feeling any pain, but she was still dizzy from the anesthesia. When she opened her eyes for good, she saw a smile. It was a good smile. For a very long time, that smile didn't exist between them.

"How are you feeling?" – Meredith asked.

Having her sister close to her again was something Amelia couldn't take for granted. She knew Meredith, Maggie and the kids were essential for her to keep on the right track. She needed a family, and she finally had one.

"I'm fine, just still a little dizzy" – Amelia said, looking around the room and noticing that only Meredith was there. – "Where's Arizona?"


	25. Chapter 25

_Things are funny when we're not expecting them. That was the only thing I could think of during the length within a second between my question to Meredith and my own conclusion. She wasn't there, that was obvious enough, even for me, still dizzy from the surgery. I've said enough before she took me to the OR. I've stated she couldn't save me and that I was already counting on being insane. She realized that her place wasn't next to me, after all. And that thought, this really specific one, really hurt me. The feeling of waking up and not having her in there was as hard as it sounds when you lose your first love to the girl next door. It was probably as hard as it was to Jill when Matt unfortunately died. Arizona was alive, but my heart felt dead. My head and thoughts were running at the speed of light like if my head was in another dimension and time was faster in there. I was about to recognize the warmth of my tears coming in my eyes when some noise woke me up from my trance._

"Damn it! You're up already!" – Arizona shouted when she entered Amelia's room in a hurry. – "I'm sorry, baby, I was at the gift shop while you were asleep" – Arizona said, kissing Amelia on the lips.

"Gift shop?" – Amelia asked, confused.

"Ok, so I have patients, and it seems you're in good hands now!" – Meredith said, saying goodbye to her sister and Arizona.

"I bought you a calendar" – Arizona said, smiling.

 _Suddenly all my previous thoughts were crashing inside my head. She was here. She never left. I mean, she never left me. She's here._

"A calendar?" – Amelia was still confused.

"Yes. So you can cross the days as they will pass by, and see the big picture. It's not going to be forever, and it's not going to be impossible. Soon enough, this calendar will be in the trash and you're going to be back in here" – Arizona said, smiling at Amelia.

"That's…" – Amelia started to say but took a second to sigh, loaded in emotions – "You're really the sweetest. Thank you"

"It's my pleasure. So, do you want some jelly? I can get you some" – Arizona offered.

"I want you in here with me for a while, can it be?" – Amelia asked.

"Even better. Rumor has it that I taste better anyway" – Arizona joked and they laughed.

Three days later Amelia was cleared to go back home. Her incisions were perfect and there was no need for her to be at the hospital. She needed to be evaluated in two weeks by the general surgery in order to be back to work to give consults.

During the first days, everything was pretty smooth and pleasant between Amelia and Arizona. Amelia was making jokes about her own difficulties and Arizona was dealing with it better than she expected.

Once she headed back to Grey-Sloan for a consult with Bailey, who wanted to check on Amelia herself, Amelia suffered her first hit.

Her abdominal incisions were fine and completely healed. Bailey ran a CT to confirm she didn't have anything abnormal inside of her.

But, once she asked Amelia to remove her splint, she saw a swelling that didn't look fine. She paged ortho and, as Bailey suspected, she had an infection there, which required another surgery to remove her plate and screws and replace them with new ones.

"Can't you give me some cephalexin? It's probably some minor infection, I don't want another surgery!" – Amelia exclaimed.

"Amelia, you know better than this, you're a world-class surgeon, do I really need to explain you how infection works?" – Bailey said and left the room to check how soon she could have the surgery.

"Don't do this" – Amelia said to Arizona, who was leaning against the small cabinet inside Amelia's room, without saying a word.

"Do what?" – Arizona asked.

"This look. This 'I told you so' look" – Amelia said, angrily.

"Well, but I did, didn't I?" – Arizona said, looking at Amelia.

"Happy now?" – Amelia said, closing her eyes and sighing heavily.

"Amelia, stop it. You have an infection, you should've come sooner. But right now, that's pretty simple: you'll have the surgery, and your recovery will continue" – Arizona tried to maintain her voice firm, she hated when Amelia behaved like a child.

"Can you leave me alone, please?" – Amelia asked.

"Are you asking me to leave?" – Arizona asked, a little angry.

"I am. I want to be alone for a while" – Amelia said and Arizona nodded yes and left the room.

* * *

A few passages of time will be shown up from now on, to indicate the things happening in the couple's life.

* * *

 **3 months...**

It's been 3 months since Amelia had the second surgery on her shoulder due to the infection. As expected, her pain started to become really high and Amelia refused to take painkillers. But she also refused to search for any other alternative pain treatment. It was often the same scene: Arizona arriving from work and getting scared when she heard the sound of shattering glass at her house. Amelia did this thing, almost like a ritual. Every time she felt much pain or angst for being out of the OR, she broke things. The lamp, a few glasses, few plates, an art frame. Amelia was a different person and Arizona was feeling in her every gut.

"Amelia, stop it, please" – Arizona asked when Amelia threw away the blue vase Arizona had in her room.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'll buy a new one" – Amelia said, noticing she had broken so many things that belonged to Arizona.

"It's not the vase I'm worried about" – Arizona said, taking Amelia's hand.

"Just… leave me alone, please" – Amelia asked and Arizona sighed. She was upset and feeling powerless in the relationship.

They were sleeping in separate bedrooms, just as Arizona did with Callie. She knew Amelia had slipped two or three times and had a few drinks. She even picked up Amelia from Joe's one night, after she had two doses of vodka.

Arizona dragged her to the meetings, but that wasn't enough. She refused to do therapy and nobody at work could have a conversation with her.

Meredith and Maggie often tried, but Amelia shut everyone out.

 **5 months...**

The day has finally come. Amelia was back in the hospital and she needed to perform the same surgery in a robot, for her doctor to check on her grip and discomfort. If she passed the test, she would be cleared to operate again.

That was, honestly, the Hail Mary on Amelia and Arizona's relationship. If Amelia gets back on the OR and starts to become herself again, then maybe they would still have a chance.

"Hey, do you have a minute?" – Arizona asked, sneaking into the skill's lab where Amelia was getting ready for her test.

"Um, yeah, I still have a few minutes before Dr. Grinberg arrives" – Amelia said, with a slight smile on her face. That smile almost felt like the good old days.

"I just wanted to wish you good luck!" – Arizona said smiling, but a little afraid to get too close.

"Thank you. For everything" – Amelia said, smiling. That touched her heart and made her calm for the test.

"Ok, page me when you're done, would you?" – Arizona said, almost at the door again, and Amelia just nodded yes.

When Arizona turned around to leave the lab, Amelia called her.

"Arizona"

"Yes?" – Arizona turned around to face Amelia.

"Can I have a kiss of good luck?" – Amelia asked and Arizona smiled, truly happy.

She kissed the brunette and hugged her, she missed that so much. She missed Amelia, she missed how sweet she was before all of that happened.

 **7 months...**

Amelia passed the test two months ago but what was meant to be good was the same, or even worse. Amelia was still in a lot of pain and so far, it could be said that Arizona needed to make a trip to some bar every week to pick up a drunk Amelia.

After showing up at the hospital tipsy, Amelia received an order from Bailey. She needed to do therapy if she wanted to still work in there. Amelia had a major fight with Maggie because of the drinking problem and they weren't speaking to each other. Meredith was about to give up, too. Arizona was sitting and watching her life ending in a slow-burning room, as it was a horror movie with no happy ending. She didn't want to be there anymore, but she also didn't know how she would survive with her conscious if she left Amelia.

On the other hand, Amelia was more miserable than ever. She was constantly shouting and regretting it afterwards. The way she treated everyone, the way she was treating herself, by drinking and blacking out every week, throwing away all of her hard work and, not to mention, all of Arizona's confidence in her. She was starting to lose the love of her life and she could feel it. Yet, she couldn't do anything to fix it.

She felt like she'd reached the bottom and now there was no way to go back on her own. She agreed to take therapy seriously.

 **9 months...**

After two months in therapy, no much has changed in Amelia's life, except for the fact that she finally felt safe to share her feelings and thoughts with someone. Her therapist often pushes her to the limit, until she breaks down, and feels relieved. At the same time, more and more she was starting to realize that her life wasn't the same as it was before the car accident. And she wasn't happy.

Her fights with Arizona were starting to become less frequent, but still, there was a huge void between them, like they weren't really connected anymore.

Arizona knocked on her door one night, and for a brief moment Amelia's heart pounded with the anticipation, she missed her.

"Come in" – Amelia shouted and smiled once she saw Arizona's face.

"Hi, sorry to bother you, I just wanna say goodnight, tomorrow morning I'll fly really early" – Arizona said, with a shy smile on her face.

"Oh, that's right. New York. I forgot it was tomorrow already! Excited to see little Sof?" – Amelia asked.

"Yes, very much. Feels like forever since the last time I hugged her" – Arizona said, reminiscing.

"Send her a huge kiss from me. And I hope you have a wonderful time there" – Amelia said and Arizona nodded yes, closing the door and leaving.

That was the last time they looked at each other before their lives become completely separated.

After two weeks away visiting her daughter, Arizona came back to Seattle to an empty house. Amelia had taken away all of her stuff out of the house and left Arizona a note that said:

 _I've tried, so hard. But right now, I need to reset my life and start over, and I need to do that on my own. I'm only taking you down with me and you deserve so much better than that. I will always love you, so so so much. Forgive me. Love, Amelia._


	26. Chapter 26

Arizona stood in the middle of the living room, staring at that note with tears coming down through her face. She couldn't tell if they were tears of sadness or just relief. Amelia was right, she was taking her along to the bottom of an endless anger and heartache. They were miserable and Arizona didn't have the courage to end their relationship, even though she wasn't doing any good to Amelia anyhow.

But, even though it was the right thing, it felt so wrong and sudden. Arizona had two weeks of pure joy with her daughter and to be honest, Amelia wasn't crossing her mind those days. But now all she could think of was how life was going to be without her.

She walked into Amelia's room and stared at the big void that once was filled with Amelia's anger and rage. Now it seemed weirdly quiet. She closed the door and went to her own room, that back in the days were their room, where she shared her bed with the woman she loved. Loves. She still loves her, she can't even think she will be able to not feel this love for Amelia. She was just too special.

Arizona was going to get back to work on the next morning, already with a big fetal surgery scheduled. She had tons of things to read and take note, in order to get prepared, but somehow all she could think of was Amelia. Was she ok? Was she safe? Did she need anything? Did she need Arizona? Apparently, she didn't. Or she just couldn't need Arizona.

On the next morning, Arizona was surprised with a warm and nice coffee from Wilson, who was already waiting for her to arrive so they could discuss the surgery's steps all over again.

"Good morning, Dr. Robbins, here, I figured you were going to need a coffee" – Wilson greeted her.

"Thank you, Wilson, I really needed it, indeed. So, how is our patient?" – Arizona asked, but before Wilson could answer it, she saw Amelia entering the hospital. – "I'll be right back, Wilson"

"How can she even think that fast?" – Wilson said to herself.

Arizona reached Amelia before the elevator came in and completely unsure of what she should say, she just allowed herself to speak the words she had on her mind right now.

"You left the house" – Arizona said, but she wasn't mad or shouting. It was almost like an outflow.

"Oh, hey, yeah. I figured it was going to be easier to do that while you were away. You know, to avoid the awkwardness. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude" – Amelia justified, completely bewildered by that situation.

"You weren't, I… I just wasn't expecting, that's all. How are you?" – Arizona asked, feeling the urge to place her arms around Amelia's body and pretend that they were ok, and together again.

"I'm fine, I'm staying at Meredith's, trying to get my shit together. Therapy is being amazing to me, actually" – Amelia said, with a sad deepness on her eyes. The hardest thing to cope with is when two persons still love each other, but they can't be together, for whatever reason.

"It's good. I'm glad to hear that. Well, I should get going, then" – Arizona said, not wanting to extend the conversation and end up crying in front of Amelia.

"Yeah, me too. We'll see each other around, right?" – Amelia asked, almost begging for Arizona not to completely ignore her presence.

"Yeah, sure" – Arizona said with a cute smile and a comprehensive look on her eyes. She turned around and started walking when suddenly she felt the need to say another thing to Amelia. – "Uhm, Amy? I'm still here. If you need anything, I'm here for you"

"Thank you, that means a lot" – Amelia answered and was about to cry, luckily the elevator arrived and she entered it.

The first week was really hard, especially to Arizona. She often wanted to talk to Amelia but she knew that they needed to set a boundary on whatever was their kind of relationship now, either friends, acquaintances, ex-girlfriends or just colleagues. She couldn't be the one who was going to continue as Amelia's person when things fall down or if she has some big news. She wasn't that friend who gives advice about dating women anymore. All she does has an impact on Amelia's life and vice versa.

On the other hand, Amelia's sessions in therapy were always filled with doubts and wonders about having made the right decision on the breakup and separation.

"I… I just, miss her. So much. Like I was supposed to miss air if someone covers my nose, you know?" – Amelia said to her therapist.

"We've talked about this. You knew you were going to miss her and second-guess your decision. We've walked this path before it even happened" – the therapist said.

"I know. I just didn't realize it was going to be so damn hard" – Amelia vented.

"Are you feeling the need of a drink?" – the therapist asked her.

"No, not really. I'm feeling the need of Arizona's voice" – Amelia confessed.

"I suggest you go straight from here to a meeting. Talk about that with other addicts. Focus on what you're struggling with and how easy it can be to just change your addiction. Right now you don't need her and she doesn't need you. You two are separated. You need to learn to see things ahead of you, and not behind" – the therapist said, leaving Amelia to reflect on the words.

 **4 months…**

Now that four months have passed, Amelia and Arizona seemed better. They still see each other at work and had only 2 cases to work on together. Arizona tried to be the lead doctor in some others, in order to avoid being stuck in a room examining labs and scans with Amelia. They were fine and amicable, but every time they were together, just the two of them, the air instantly gets thicker and they get nervous.

Amelia still goes to meetings and therapy once and a while, and she's learning to do things alone, trying to reconnect with her inner self. Amelia's therapist suggested she should open herself to new possibilities since it was basically the only way she could cut the cord with her past with Arizona.

Amelia was reluctant since she was afraid to lose entirely the possibility of, one day, get back together with the blonde.

On the other hand, Arizona shut herself completely from the world. April was the only one who could have a few talks with her, trying to convince her to go out and maybe flirt other people together, since she was going through a rough path with Jackson as well.

"Arizona, we need to go back to real life. We can't only date traumas and teratomas. I need to see humans. Not dying ones" – April exclaimed.

"Oh God, we're dating teratomas. That's so sad!" – Arizona laughed.

"Can we go out? Tomorrow night? Please? My catch phrase these days is 'peek-a-boo', I'm a single mother with no game and no sex. It's your obligation to help me!" – April begged.

"Oh, honey, I'm sorry, but tonight I'm flying to that conference in Boston, that your adorable mother-in-law made me speak into. Maybe next week, when I'm back?" – Arizona suggested.

"Next week. And it's my EX-mother-in-law" – April shouted, making Arizona laugh.

 **5 months…**

Amelia met someone in her meetings. A 38-year-old woman named Kate, sober for over 10 years now, recently moved to Seattle. She noticed Amelia a few times in the meetings and often exchanged looks with her.

One day, after the meeting was over, Amelia was getting herself a cup of coffee, when she decided to approach.

"Good talk today. Who would know babies' tumor could be a trigger for wanting a drink so badly, right?" – Kate said making Amelia look at her a little confused. – "I'm sorry, hi, I'm Kate"

"Hi. Amelia" – Amelia said.

"So, can I ask you something really weird? I mean, as a favor?" – Kate asked.

"Yeah, sure. If I can help…" – Amelia answered, a little intrigued with the woman, who was obviously pretty, but Amelia hasn't noticed her beauty until this moment.

"I'm new in here, Seattle. I've moved from LA two weeks ago and I'm definitely still lost. Do you have any tips? Or better, if you have a spare time and want to take me to a place where the coffee is any better than this one, I will be forever grateful. I don't have any friends yet, so it would be good to make a new one" – Kate said and Amelia smiled.

"Well, I'm free now and in need of a good coffee. Shall we?" – Amelia asked and they both left the room together.

During the coffee they shared details of their lives, Amelia told her about the accident and her recovery process with alcohol, while Kate told about her previous job and ex-girlfriend and how she needed this change – geographically and emotionally speaking.

"She knew about your addiction?" – Amelia asked, referring to Kate's ex-girlfriend.

"She did, but she was struggling with her own, so it was actually a bad idea for us to date at all. I mean, back then I was just a baby in AA" – Kate told her.

"Right now do you feel safe? To date again?" – Amelia asked and quickly noticed that she could interpret this hitting on her. – "Sorry, that sounded better in my head, I'm not hitting on you"

"I feel safe now. And it's bad you're not making a move, by the way" – Kate said.

They left the coffee place but Amelia wasn't comfortable to kiss the woman. Besides the whole situation about they both being addicts and go to the same meeting, Amelia still felt guilty over Arizona.

Kate was persistent though, and two days later they were out on a real date, dinner in a good Italian place.

Meanwhile, Arizona was back from Boston and had a surprise visitor in town. Her mother was in Seattle to visit her and it felt like the perfect time since she was feeling lonely. It was always good to have her mother around, she often made things easier to Arizona.

Arriving at the restaurant, Arizona and Barbara handed their winter coats to the hostess and followed her to their table.

"Mom, there's no way in hell dad will agree to spend new year's in Seattle, you know how he…" – Arizona was happily disagreeing with her mother when a sight made her stop talking. She saw a smiley Amelia having dinner with a tall, beautiful woman just three tables away.


	27. Chapter 27

It felt like a truck had just run over Arizona's heart. Amelia looked up and as soon as their eyes locked, she also felt devastated. It wasn't supposed to be like that, but more important, it wasn't supposed to feel like that.

Arizona waved shyly from where she was, it would be awkward to pretend that she hasn't seen Amelia over there. She and Barbara sat down and thanked the waiter who handed them the menus.

"Are you all right, honey?" – Barbara asked her daughter.

"Me? Yes, I'm fine. So, what you're up to? This place is amazing, you should try the risotto" – Arizona said, trying to disguise her shock.

Amelia was uncomfortable, trying to juggle her date with her regret to be there, while her ex-girlfriend was just three tables away.

"What's wrong? You seemed distant all of a sudden" – Kate asked.

"I'm sorry, I just saw a friend, I'm going over there to say hi, I'll be right back, ok?" – Amelia said, getting up and walking towards Arizona's table.

She didn't know what she was going to say, she didn't even know who was that woman with her, even though she didn't look like a date. She just wanted to say hi, she knew that it wasn't the place or time for her to explain whom Kate was or even announcing she was dating someone. And to be honest, she knew Arizona was smart enough to figure the whole situation, it was quite obvious.

"Hi, I'm sorry, I just wanted to say hello" – Amelia said, smiling to Arizona.

"Oh, hey, I didn't want to interrupt your dinner before. Mom, this is Amelia, Amy this is Barbara, my mother" - Arizona said, standing up and blushing heavily.

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Robbins" – Amelia handed her hand to greet Barbara, who quickly stood up and handed her hand back.

"Oh, this is Amelia, then" – Barbara said. She knew that was the same Amelia that Arizona dated for over a year and whom her daughter got heartbroken over.

"Yes, mom, this is Amelia" – Arizona said in a repressive tone, so her mother wouldn't go on with this conversation.

"How is your shoulder, honey? Arizona told me about the accident in the last year" – Barbara asked, trying to be nice.

"It's better, I still feel some pain after longer surgeries, but it's almost 100% already" – Amelia said, smiling.

"Yeah, these things take time, but I'm sure soon enough you won't feel any pain anymore" – Barbara said, nicely.

"Ok, I will let you guys dinner now, I just wanted to say hello. Have a good night" – Amelia said, leaving the table.

"Good night, Amy" – Arizona said, feeling her body becoming numb. She still loved Amelia and that was quite awful.

"Are you really ok, Arizona? We can have dinner anywhere else" – Barbara offered.

"I'm fine, mom. Let's just order, please" – Arizona said, avoiding her mom's eyes so she wouldn't fall apart right there.

On the next day, Amelia was looking for Arizona in the hospital, she wanted to explain who was Kate and she felt like Arizona deserved at least to hear about that directly from her. The situation was already hard enough, she didn't need to hear that in some gossip-wave around the hospital.

Arizona was scrubbing in, she had an emergency surgery waiting for her. Amelia saw her through the window in the door and her heart almost stopped beating for a few seconds.

"Hey, can I talk to you?" – Amelia asked, leaning against the door while the blonde was finishing to wash her hands.

"Yeah, sure" – Arizona answered, avoiding Amelia's eyes.

"Listen, I'm sorry about last night, I had no idea you would be there. I just thought it would be better if you hear that from me. I know how gossips fly around in here" – Amelia started and Arizona just kept scrubbing and murmured "mmhm" indicating that Amelia could go on.

"I'm dating. That woman. I met her in my AA meeting and it just sort of happened. It wasn't planned. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you" – Amelia said, expecting that Arizona would say something, even shout at her, but she remained quite calm.

"That's ok, Amy, you don't need to explain it to me, but thanks for the concern, anyway. I really need to get in there now" – Arizona said, holding her hands in the air and entering the OR.

 **3 months…**

"Robbins, do you have a minute?" – Maggie shouted, down the hall.

"Yeah, sure, do you need something?" – Arizona asked; she was already in her regular clothes, ready to leave the hospital that night.

"Can we… can we go somewhere quiet?" – Maggie asked, looking into an on-call room.

"What's wrong? Is everything ok?" – Arizona asked, worried.

"I actually wanted to ask you this question" – Maggie said.

"What do you mean?" – Arizona was intrigued.

"Well, Amelia and I are not talking, but I know she's dating someone. And Meredith told me she was the one who told you, which can be good or incredibly painful, too. So I wanted to check on you, that's all" – Maggie said, gently.

"That's sweet of you, Maggie, thanks. I'm fine. I wished Amelia could find happiness for so long that now it would be nuts if I wasn't happy for her." – Arizona said. That was true, obviously, she wished nothing but happiness to Amelia, but surely it was hurtful to realize that this happiness was with somebody else, even though she would never tell Maggie that.

"Ok. I'm here if you need anything, a friend, a shoulder to cry on, someone to drink with. I'm Amelia's sister, but I really like you and I really wish that things could've been ended differently" – Maggie said.

"Yeah, me too. But thank you, Maggie, really" – Arizona said, rubbing Maggie's shoulder and left the room.

 **4 months…**

"I can wait, Mer, I'm not in a rush anyway" – Amelia told Meredith.

"There's no need. You will move out but you'll be just a few blocks away. This won't get in the way of dinner" – Meredith answered.

Meredith and her sisters were organizing a dinner party since it was Meredith's birthday in a week. At the same time, Kate invited Amelia to move in with her and the brunette accepted. She was unsure about it, she thought it was way too soon, but she felt bad living in the same house as Maggie and not talking to her. Also, she frequently caught herself thinking about Arizona and their past together and she needed to do something radical to remind herself that she needs to focus on the future, not the past. At least that was what she had learned in therapy.

Amelia and Kate were carrying boxes with Amelia's things down to Kate's house. Meredith liked Kate. She was level-headed, she had a good job, she was sober for quite some time and she really liked Amelia. That was enough for Meredith to trust Kate with her sister, even though it was obvious that Amelia didn't feel the same thing about her as she used to feel about Arizona. It was surely something missing in there, but it wasn't Meredith's place to say.

Two days later, Meredith's birthday, Amelia was finishing wrapping up her stuff and move for good to Kate's. She woke up in her new house to found Kate putting some boxes near the front door.

"Oh, hey, you're up. Good morning" – Kate said, kissing Amelia on the cheek.

"Good morning. What are you doing?" – Amelia asked, intrigued since it was still quite early.

"Just cleaning up some stuff. You have a lot of garbage, miss. I'm taking this outside later" – Kate said, laughing.

"Wait, what are those things? It's all mine?" – Amelia asked, intrigued.

"Do you know you were keeping a calendar from two years ago? Amy, you need to clean up your stuff more often" – Kate said.

"Amelia" – Amelia exclaimed.

"What?" – Kate asked, confused.

"Call me Amelia, please. I… my brother used to call me Amy" – Amelia said, a little overwhelmed.

"Oh… Of course, I'm sorry" – Kate said.

"I want to keep that calendar, please. Where is it?" – Amelia asked.

"Amelia, it was from a couple of years ago, it's useless. What are you, a hoarder?" – Kate joked again, but Amelia remained serious.

"Don't do this. Don't clean up my things without telling me. Where is the calendar?" – Amelia shouted.

"Hey, hold on. I'm sorry, ok? I was just trying to help. It's all in there" – Kate said, holding Amelia's hand.

"I'm sorry, I-I… it's just that... it was a present, that's all. I would like to keep it, please" – Amelia said.

"Yeah, sure" – Kate said, trying to be comprehensive.

"Listen, I'm going to Mer's now since I have the day off, I still have some things in there to box. I'll see you tonight, ok?" – Amelia said, kissing Kate on the cheek.

What it was supposed to be a beautiful start was actually a complicated day starting with memories of Arizona.


	28. Chapter 28

By the time Amelia was arriving at Meredith's front door, she saw a blonde, stunning woman knocking on the door for what it seems a quite some time now. It was her, Arizona. Amelia was confused thinking why she was there, in the morning, since the dinner was only at night.

"Hey, waiting for someone?" – Amelia said, smiling.

That moment. No matter how much time has passed, how their lives were different, every time their eyes locked like that, unexpectedly, everything in their interior starts to turn around, a heat that comes from nowhere without warning, a wave of security, yet nervously. That moment was exactly what someone would describe as love.

"Oh, hi. Meredith asked me to deal with desserts for the dinner party, but I don't know if she's out. She told me she had the day off" – Arizona explained.

"I have the keys, come on" – Amelia said, opening the door – "So, desserts?"

"Yeah, I think Maggie works all day and she wouldn't be able to do, so I offered to help" – Arizona said.

"I hope that your banana bread and hazelnut pie are your plans for desserts. I really miss them" – Amelia said, laughing.

"Well, I guess you'll have to wait and see!" – Arizona said, laughing – "Oh, Meredith just texted me. 'Got paged, there's a key under the mat, make yourself at home'" – Arizona read it to Amelia.

"Well, already done. Ok, I'll leave you so you can perform your sweet miracle in here, I need to wrap some of my stuff in my bedroom, but let me know if you need anything" – Amelia said, smiling.

"Ok. I still have plenty of time, do you need a hand to box your stuff?" – Arizona offered, even though that didn't make any sense. She just wanted to spend time with her.

"I wouldn't ask you for that" – Amelia confessed.

"Well, it's ok for you to ask for a hand, you shouldn't ask me for a leg, though" – Arizona said, laughing and quickly realized that her joke wasn't funny – "Sorry, terrible joke"

"I actually wanted to laugh, I just felt afraid that my morbid humor wouldn't be so pleasant" – Amelia smiled and they both went upstairs to box Amelia's stuff out of her room.

They started to fold some of the clothes that were still in her wardrobe and putting them in a large box that was in Amelia's old bed. In a certain moment, their hands touched inside the box and they immediately looked at each other.

In silence, still staring fixedly at Arizona's eyes, Amelia pulled her hand out of the box and slowly put it on Arizona's waist, who sighed deep, as the amount of air available in the room wasn't enough for both of them. Without saying a word, Amelia pulled Arizona closer to her, and with her left hand, putting Arizona's hair behind her ear, and pulling her neck closer to her face, and gently pressing her lips against the blonde's. There was a tiny window for them to break it;, if one of them didn't want to go forward, it was the exact time to end it. But instead, Amelia's tongue played with Arizona's bottom lip, begging for entrance and Arizona couldn't even think straight right now, she was drowned in desire and emotions and all she could do was open her mouth and allow Amelia's tongue to grub her mouth, dancing inside of her like that kiss was a classic ballet.

Arizona wanted to ask what was that, what were they doing? But she couldn't even say the words, if she tried to talk, all she would say was going to be either 'I love you' or 'I want you right now'. And Amelia completely forgot about the world outside, there was only that bedroom, and Arizona and her. Seeking for something they clearly wanted for so long.

Amelia started to unbutton Arizona's pants, while Arizona slowly kissed Amelia's neck, which was showing since her oversized button-striped-shirt was already being unbuttoned and falling down her shoulders.

Not long after that, they were having a mind-blowing sex on Amelia's bed, without any linens or pillows, and to be honest, none of those were needed. Their sex was so amazing, and so painful at the same time, because they both knew they weren't supposed to do that, and worst: it was a one-time thing. There would be no cuddling or vows of love afterwards.

After they both needed a break to regain their strength back, Arizona turned on her side in bed, looking to the opposite side from Amelia. She was crying on the inside and fighting not to let the tears burst out there. The sex was heavenly, being with Amelia was the best thing in the world; she couldn't cry. Not right now. But she could see herself putting her clothes back and heading out of that room for good. Amelia would go back to her girlfriend. That was the picture, and that's why she wanted to cry. But, instead, she just stayed in bed, looking at the floor, trying to control her emotions and erase these thoughts from her mind.

Wrapping her arm around Arizona's waist and kissing the back of her neck, Amelia knew their emotions were on the highest now. She just wanted to freeze the time and stay like that forever, but that wasn't possible, and as soon as they leave that bed, they will feel awful. And that worried Amelia's mind, because the last thing she wanted was to make Arizona suffer again.

"What are you thinking?" – Amelia asked, caressing Arizona's bare arm.

"Actually, nothing. I was just clearing my head from all the thoughts" – Arizona answered.

"Can you turn around and look at me? I want to look at you" – Amelia asked, kissing her neck, close to her ear.

Arizona turned around, to look at Amelia. She was afraid to cry, but at the same time, what a grace was to look at that gorgeous face of Amelia. They stared at each other, in silence, smiling.

"I've really missed you" – Amelia said, placing a quick kiss on Arizona's lips.

"Me too…" – Arizona said and when she was inhaling to continue the conversation, Amelia's phone started to ring. Although she didn't do that on purpose, it was possible for Arizona to see that was Kate calling. That was just enough for her to sit on the bed and starts to collect her clothes.

"I don't need to answer this, and you don't need to leave" – Amelia tried to convince Arizona.

"I know, I-I… I have to start on the desserts before Meredith arrives. You should answer it, it's ok" – Arizona explained, putting her prosthetic back and left the room, towards the bathroom, to get dressed again.

Amelia didn't take the call, she just remained in her old bedroom staring at nowhere, still feeling Arizona's touch in her every gut. She didn't know what to do after this morning, but it was clear she wasn't even close to getting over Arizona.

At night, a few people were already in Meredith's house, while she was getting the kids ready to bed. Arizona and April were talking and drinking white wine, telling Wilson the story about they bonding over champagne and April asking to wear her leg. When Wilson excused herself to join Alex in the kitchen, April took the chance to ask how Arizona was hanging on with Amelia and her girlfriend that had just arrived.

"How are you? Is it too weird?" – April asked, rubbing her hand on Arizona's arm.

"It is weird, but isn't life in general?" – Arizona answered, finishing her glass. She wanted an excuse to leave the room and get herself another wine, so she wouldn't have to deal with Amelia's girlfriend now. She would need to do that eventually, but right now she couldn't

She was hiding in the kitchen for a few minutes, and from there she could hear Meredith was already downstairs greeting everyone. She got scared when a voice called her.

"Hi, I don't think we met yet" – Kate said, scaring Arizona – "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you!"

"Oh, no, I was just distracted. Hi, I'm Arizona" – Arizona said, pulling out her best self to deal with that.

"Kate, nice to meet you" – Kate said, extending her hand towards Arizona, when suddenly Amelia entered the kitchen.

"Kate, have you seen my phone? I can't find…." – Amelia stopped as soon as she saw Kate and Arizona talking to each other – "Oh, you two have met"

"Yes, I was looking for an empty glass so I could get us water" – Kate explained.

"On the left cabinet. You should've asked me to do that, I used to live here" – Amelia said, in a passive-aggressive voice. She was uncomfortable, too.

"Yeah, of course, I'm sorry" – Kate said and picked up the glasses, and before she realized, Arizona had left the kitchen.


	29. Chapter 29

Arizona tried to mingle to avoid having to talk to Amelia or Kate, that's was awkward enough, not only because things between Amelia and her ended so painfully, but also because earlier this morning they had this amazing sex in that same house. Things were a little more complicated than just that awkwardness of seeing your ex-girlfriend with someone new.

Meanwhile, Amelia was feeling like she was going to explode at any moment. There would be Amelia's pieces all over Meredith's living room and in each one it would be possible to see ARIZONA written in them. How can she just cope with that situation if all she wants is to drag the blonde upstairs and repeat the morning all over again? Kate was a good woman, beautiful and smart, no doubt. She was rigorous about her meetings and her recovery, even if it has been 10 years since her last drink. She was slightly uptight around people drinking because she is the kind of person that wants to make sure Amelia wouldn't fall off the wagon seeing a bottle of vodca near her. She took care of Amelia, that's for sure. But Amelia missed sex on the couch because she couldn't wait 'til they got in the bedroom. And by they, she means Arizona and her.

With Kate, things were easy, right even, but not sexy. Not desperate.

She missed Arizona cursing whenever she got paged in the middle of sex, she missed how Arizona shut her up when she wanted to start a fight just by kissing her passionately. She missed how sexy and mean the blonde could be, just to tease her and have her losing her mind, to end up begging for her to just end her pain and give her what she needed.

With Kate, sex was just another part of the relationship, almost like a scheduled thing. On the bed, under the sheets, with light music playing on. With Arizona, the music was their moans getting louder and rhythmic. They had sex that morning on Amelia's old mattress, with no linen or pillow: just them, naked, sweaty and hot for each other.

Suddenly that thought invaded Amelia's head like a tsunami: she didn't love Kate. She just settled for whatever is that got her safe. She liked Kate, very much, but that wasn't love. Kate said 'I Love You' to Amelia a couple of times and Amelia never said it back. She couldn't and somehow, Kate understood that. Maybe she wasn't ready, maybe she wasn't in love just yet. All she knew was that with Arizona was so easy to say those words. And to feel them, proudly.

When Amelia noticed Arizona wasn't in the living room anymore, she excused herself and went upstairs. She knew exactly where Arizona was: hidden in her old bedroom, remembering the earlier morning, feeling suffocated by that situation. Arizona was doing the exact same thing Amelia wanted to do ever since she arrived at the dinner party.

"I had a feeling you were going to be here" – Amelia said, closing the door behind her.

"I'm sorry, I-I… just needed a time out" – Arizona explained, and started walking like she was going to leave the room, but Amelia never got out of the way to let her.

"Don't leave, please" – Amelia asked.

"Amelia, I can't. We can't!" – Arizona said.

"Why? Why can't we?" – Amelia asked.

"Are you kidding me? You are dating someone, you're moving in with her, for God's sake!" – Arizona said it between teeth, in order not to shout and get everybody downstairs listening to them.

"Don't you think I know that? I know, Arizona. And yet, I'm in here, begging you not to leave" – Amelia said.

"Amelia, I'm not this person. I won't be a mistress. You're with someone new now, we've moved on" – Arizona said, already feeling weak with those piercing blue eyes of Amelia staring directly into hers.

"Have we? Have you?" – Amelia asked, pulling Arizona's hand closer to her chest.

"Amelia, don't. Don't do this. It's not fair. What happened earlier was a mistake. Let's just forget about it, please" – Arizona said, pulling her hand out.

"Is that what you want? To forget about it? Because if you really think that it was a mistake, then I'll let you leave, but I think you don't feel like this" – Amelia said, putting her hand on Arizona's waist.

"Amelia, you're with somebody else now, Kate is downstairs!" – Arizona exclaimed, perplexed by the fact that it was happening during a birthday dinner party, with everybody they knew in there.

"Do you think I forgot about that? Do you think I'm not feeling AWFUL because of Kate? She doesn't deserve it, I know that. But I can't… I can't control it, Arizona. Every time I look at you my world just falls apart, I can only see you and be mad at myself for having to admit that you're the one I love. I've never stopped loving you. Never. I can't control it" – Amelia said, and she felt Arizona letting her body surrender to Amelia's grip.

Amelia pulled Arizona's waist closer to her, pressing Arizona's body against hers, tracing a scrappy path with her fingertips through Arizona's arm until she reached her collarbone. Amelia slowly removed Arizona's hair that was lying down on her shoulder, and slowly started to kiss it, going up to her lips.

Amelia pressed her lips against Arizona's, in a gentle, lovin' way that made her entire body shivers. Slowly she made her way through Arizona's mouth that gladly opened, accepting that so-welcomed-intrusion.

Back in the living room, Maggie noticed that both Arizona and Amelia weren't there, so she excused herself and went upstairs. Seeing Amelia's door closed, she just entered her own room and stayed in there, waiting to hear Amelia's door opening up.

Inside the room, Amelia and Arizona were kissing so passionately that it was possible to feel the entire room heating up with their passion. The deeper the kiss got, the stronger was Amelia's grip on Arizona's body. They wanted to get rid off their clothes and satiate that urge of having each other's body, but they knew better not to do that. Not right now, at least.

During the kiss, trying to get some air in the in-between, Amelia murmured a few times.

"I love you, you know? – Amelia barely could say anything since she was fighting not to lose that contact between their tongues.

"Amy" – Arizona tried to say something.

"No, don't say anything, just kiss me, please" – Amelia begged her and Arizona obeyed.

"Maggie, are you there?" – Meredith's voice interrupted the kiss and they looked at each other feeling a little dizzy and trying to recover their breath.

"I'll be down in a minute, Mer!" – Maggie shouted from inside her room and both Amelia and Arizona could hear it perfectly.

"That's our cue to leave, Amy. We need to go downstairs. Now" – Arizona ordered, feeling her face heated and her pants pretty wet from both sweat and randiness.

"Oh… damn" – Amelia sighed. She didn't want to face the world right now. She just wanted to be with Arizona in that room, trying to recover the lost time.

"I will go first, you… just maybe take 5, to get yourself together" – Arizona said, and opened the door, getting down the hall towards the stairs.

Maggie heard the door opening and quietly opened hers a few seconds later, noticing that was Arizona who left Amelia's room. She walked towards Amelia's room and found her sitting on the bed, with a lost stare.

"You'll need an alibi" – Maggie said, waking Amelia up from her thoughts.

"What?" – Amelia asked, confused.

"You were here with Arizona. Kate will notice. You'll need an alibi. I can be yours" – Maggie said.

Amelia's eyes immediately got filled with tears. She was heavily emotional to see her sister, whom she hasn't spoken to in a few months, offering to help her, at the same time her heart was overflowing with love and desire for Arizona. She didn't know what to say, or even if she should say something.

Maggie noticed her sister getting emotional and walked to her, held her hand and said:

"What do you need?"

"I don't know" – Amelia started to cry and hugged Maggie.

"Well, ok, let's figure it out. But let's start with you were in here, with me, and we were talking about our relationship. If Kate asks, I'll say we were talking. That will give you some time to put your thoughts in the right place, ok?" – Maggie suggested.

"Thank you. I didn't want to do to that… lie to her. But I still love Arizona. So much, Maggie. I love her so much!" – Amelia said, in tears.

"I know, honey. I know" – Maggie said, hugging her sister again.

Once Amelia calmed herself, she cleaned up her face and headed downstairs. Kate was looking quite displaced and Amelia felt guilty immediately.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I was solving things with Maggie. It took longer than I expected" – Amelia said to Kate, and couldn't help but look at Arizona, who seemed very uncomfortable.

"Can we…uhm… can we talk outside for a minute?" – Kate asked Amelia.

"Yeah, sure, of course" – Amelia agreed, heading to the front door with Kate.


	30. Chapter 30

"Arizona is your ex, right?" – Kate asked Amelia.

"Yes, why?" – Amelia asked back.

"Is something going on? Something I need to know?" – Kate asked, sounding calm, even though Amelia knew it was the beginning of a fight.

"Kate, I told you I work with my ex, I told you she's a friend. What's going on?" – Amelia tried to avoid the real question.

"You never told me her name" – Kate said.

"Well, did I need to? I'm sorry, I didn't think it was relevant" – Amelia said, now a little angry.

"Amelia, I'm not an idiot. I may be calm and easygoing, but not an idiot. You two disappeared for almost an hour, your face when you saw us talking in the kitchen, the way your eyes searched her in the room. It was all pretty obvious. Now, I'm going to ask you again: is something going on that I need to know?" – Kate asked, with a serious feature.

Amelia had no way out in this. She couldn't lie, she wouldn't do that, but at the same time, she knew the truth was going to be hurtful and Kate didn't deserve it. She realized, after kissing Arizona a few minutes ago, that she shouldn't move in with Kate, she shouldn't even date her anymore. She was so in love with Arizona and she needed her so bad, it was unfair to Kate to live in the middle of these feelings, as it was also unfair to Amelia to deny them. But Amelia wanted to do that the right away, being honest and crystal clear with Kate, but not tonight, not like this, with her emotions burning on the inside, risking unnecessary pain for all of them.

So, what was the right thing to say? What was the best way to break Kate's heart? Because she knew she was about to do so, no matter what she says.

"Kate, can we go home and have a proper conversation? This is not the place" – Amelia tried to gain some time.

"Do you wanna go home with me? Do you wanna call it a home?" – Kate asked and Amelia started to cry. There was no way back now. That wasn't home; Kate wasn't home to Amelia.

"Kate, I'm so sorry" – Amelia said, crying.

"No, you don't get to cry on me. You don't get to be a martyr, Amelia. You're not the one in disadvantage in here" – Kate said, fighting hard not to cry.

"I'm not, I'm not trying to be anything but honest. I know this is painful, it's not fair. I wish I could feel differently" – Amelia said, trying to hold Kate's hand.

At this time, it was possible for Meredith to see them through the window, and she didn't want to make a fuzz, otherwise, everyone would want to watch.

"Would you really? Want to feel differently? Or you just wanted me not to be heartbroken over it?" – Kate said, pulling her hand out of Amelia's.

"Kate, I am so sorry. What do you want me to say? I'm pretty sure everything I say now will make things worse and I don't want to lie." – Amelia said, feeling overwhelmed with the situation.

"Oh, now you don't wanna lie? What have you been doing to me for almost a year, then? Are you going to say you just suddenly realized you're still in love with your ex?" – Kate shouted, angrily, and now everyone on the living room noticed them fighting.

"I thought it was going to fade away. I like you Kate, but I'm not in love and I am so sorry about that. I wish I could've realized that sooner, I wish you hadn't invested so much in something with no return. I wish I was not this mess I am" – Amelia confessed, expecting some emotional response from Kate, even if it was just pity.

"Well, and I wish you go to hell. I'll get your things delivered in here tomorrow" – Kate said and walked away.

Amelia just sat down and cried. She just hurt someone special, again. How come she always ended up doing that?

"Guys, please, let's stop hovering the window, that's none of our business" – Meredith said to her guests and they immediately stopped looking at the window.

Arizona was mortified. She knew it was because of the kiss and the sex, somehow that made Amelia realize the same thing Arizona did: they still love each other. Arizona felt guilty because she let those things happen, she was the responsible for opening Amelia's eyes. Yes, she was the single one, but she knew these things always take two persons to make it happen. But as she was dealing with all of her emotions, she was suffering to watch Amelia fall apart just outside the door, alone.

When Meredith stood up and walked towards the door, Arizona grabbed her arm and did what she needed to do.

"Mer, let me go, please. I owe her that at least" – Arizona said and Meredith nodded yes. She knew Arizona would be a thousand times more comforting to Amelia than her.

Arizona slowly opened the door and closed it quickly, so people wouldn't have a chance to spy on how Amelia was. In silence, she just sat down beside the brunette, picked up her left hand and held it tightly. Amelia put her head on Arizona's shoulder and they remained like that for a few minutes, just knowing how comforting it was to have each other, even if they weren't in a relationship anymore.

"It's getting cold out here, do you wanna come inside?" – Arizona asked.

"Not really, but I'll have to, eventually" – Amelia said, rubbing her finger on Arizona's hand.

"I can take you home. I mean, to my place, if you want to skip everyone's questions" – Arizona suggested.

"Do they have questions already?" – Amelia said, laughing timidly.

"Kate was being quite loud at the end" – Arizona said, kissing the top of Amelia's head.

"Gosh, did I ruin the dinner?" – Amelia asked.

"Of course you didn't. Don't worry about that" – Arizona said, trying to calm her down.

They became silent again for a moment; somehow, even after everything that happened, Amelia could say that this was one of the best days of her life. That connection with Arizona was magical, just like it was in the beginning of their relationship, and she could feel it all over again. She could stay sat down on Meredith's front door for the eternity, not saying a word, just tracing patterns with her finger on Arizona's beautiful pale skin.

"Are you ok, Amy?" – Arizona broke the silence.

"Is it too selfish if I say that I am?" – Amelia answered, now lifting her head up and looking into Arizona's eyes.

"No, it isn't. You can't force feelings. Either they exist or they don't. We can't control them" – Arizona said, smiling.

"Yeah, I feel that way, too. I just can't understand why it isn't enough, sometimes" – Amelia said, looking down, reflecting on their own past.

"I don't know that, either" – Arizona agreed and continued – "But I think that's part of life, you know? Figuring out things, on its own time"

"Are you going inside?" – Amelia asked Arizona, holding her hand a little tightly, as she was afraid of her leaving.

"Are you?" – Arizona gave back the question.

"Not yet" – Amelia answered.

"Well, then, me neither" – Arizona said, smiling.


	31. Chapter 31

After a while, people started to leave Meredith's house and eventually crossed paths with both of them sitting out there. Everyone was polite enough not to ask what happened or why they were there, they just said goodbye and left. Once everybody left, Meredith invited them back in the house, the weather wasn't pleasant and the winter was knocking on Seattle's door already.

"Amelia, you haven't eaten anything, do you want me to heat up a plate for you?" – Meredith offered.

"I'm not hungry, but thanks, though." – Amelia thanked her sister, with a kind look in her eyes.

"Well, you should at least try Arizona's pie. It's heaven!" – Maggie suggested.

"You did it. The hazelnut pie" – Amelia looked at Arizona, completely in love, just like she was two years ago.

"I know it's your favorite. Eat some, you need to feed yourself" – Arizona said, looking back at Amelia the same way. – "I'll get you some, ok?"

Amelia nodded and while Arizona was in the kitchen with Maggie, Meredith got closer to Amelia, held her hand and started to ask what happened.

"How are you?" – Meredith asked.

"I'm fine, it was bad, but I'm fine" – Amelia answered, smiling.

"Did you and Kate broke up?" – Meredith asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes. I might need to live here a while longer, after all" – Amelia quipped.

"Well, this is your home, too. You can stay for how long you need, you know that" – Meredith assured her. – "What about you two?" – Meredith asked, nodding towards Arizona who was coming back from the kitchen but was still far enough not to hear what they were talking.

"I don't know. But I love her…" – Amelia said and suddenly she felt the urge to cry again but held back the tears.

"Well, that's a good start, then" – Meredith said, rubbing her hand on Amelia's arm, who just thanked Arizona for the pie.

"Oh my God, it's delicious!" – Amelia exclaimed.

"I know, right? Well, you should get back with her, otherwise, I might make a move, just for the pie!" – Maggie joked and immediately felt embarrassed – "I'm sorry, too soon, isn't it?"

"A little bit, yeah" – Amelia answered, laughing.

The four women kept talking and being kind to one another until the tiredness hit Meredith hard.

"Guys, it's been a lovely night, but I'm exhausted and before I know it, my kids will be jumping on my bed and waking me up, so if you excuse me, I'm going to bed now" – Meredith said.

Feeling completely displaced to be with Amelia and Arizona, who clearly had things to talk, Maggie used the same tiredness excuse to leave.

"Yeah, me too, I'm so tired and I had a busy day tomorrow, so, good night ladies" – Maggie said and quickly went upstairs.

"I think I should get going, too. I just wanted to make sure you were fine" – Arizona said, smiling at Amelia.

"I don't want you to leave" – Amelia said, staring fixedly at Arizona.

"Amy, I need to. I have to be at the hospital early in the morning tomorrow" – Arizona used an excuse that she knew Amelia wouldn't buy.

"So do I, and Meredith and Maggie. I just…" – Amelia stopped her sentence in the middle.

"What?" – Arizona asked.

"Nothing, forget it" – Amelia said, softly.

"What is it? Tell me" – Arizona insisted.

"Is that I feel like I don't wanna spend another minute away from you. And I know that's too much, I know I just broke up with someone else… I don't even know if you're seeing someone, if-if… " – Amelia was stammering.

"If what, Amy?" – Arizona insisted, she knew what was Amelia's concern, but she needed the brunette to say it, to expose it so they wouldn't have any more secrets or things unsaid between them.

"I don't even know if you want to be with me" – Amelia confessed, letting a deep sigh coming out of her.

"I'm not seeing anyone" – Arizona said and Amelia looked up at her.

"And… that's it? That's your answer?" – Amelia asked, intrigued.

"And I want to be with you. But…" – Arizona got interrupted.

"No, don't ruin this. Don't give a 'but', please" – Amelia begged, smiling at Arizona. She knew that wouldn't stop the blonde to share her worries, but just to hear she saying those previous words was priceless. That feeling of belonging, that good sensation of being loved in return: how often does that happen?

"But I think we should reflect on everything that happened with us, in the past. Because, Amy, this morning it became very clear to me that I've been shoving my feelings inside of me because I couldn't handle them. And when you touched me, even before we had sex, I felt alive again. I've got used to living without your touch and you just woke me up again. I don't know if I can't handle losing you again. I don't know if we can't handle losing each other again. I love you, but I also worry about you too much to do something out of an impulse" – Arizona explained.

Amelia kept silent, just looking at her. Arizona was gracious. Her soft features, those magical dimples that were a beautiful highlight on that already pretty face, those eyes. Man, if Amelia could save an image in her mind, forever, it would be Arizona's eyes. She loved how fierce they were, at the same time that they were incredibly soft and kind. That shade of light-sparkling blue. Arizona could talk using just her eyes and that was just one thing Amelia loved about her.

"I won't lose you. I won't risk my luck twice, I can assure you that. I can't promise to be perfect, I can't promise you I won't have bad days, but I can promise you that: I won't wish for anyone else beside me every time I feel like I'm not enough. I don't want anybody else telling me I am because I want to be enough for you and for me, I want to value you and show you that I've changed so much since we broke up. Since I left your house with my heart on my hand. I've grown, I've learned that we can fall in love again and again, but that type of love, the one we have, that's once in a lifetime. I am pretty lucky I've found you in the middle of billions of people in this world. And now that I've found you, I can't let you go. So don't go. Stay with me tonight, hold me in your arms tonight and tomorrow we'll see. Maybe you'll feel the same way about me, and about us" – Amelia said, smiling, and kissing Arizona gently on the lips, leaning her forehead against Arizona's.

"But I already feel the same way, babe. I just… I'm afraid. I didn't lose you that day when I came back from New York. I was losing you for so long before that, every day we were losing each other and that was the most powerless I've ever feel, and I work with unborn babies. You keep saying that you might feel like you're not enough some time in the way, but I'm afraid I am the one who's not enough for you, because back in the days, I really wasn't" – Arizona confessed, still so close to Amelia that they could hear each other's soft breaths.

"Nothing was enough for me back then, it wasn't you. I lost my life's control and all I could think was 'I don't want to be alive' anymore. I couldn't handle all the anger I had inside of me. But I'm better now, and by the time I decided to take therapy seriously, I still didn't want to live, but I felt like I owed you that, at least, so I was trying to get better for you. I couldn't do that in time, but there wasn't a single day that I haven't gone sleeping with you in my mind. You're more than enough, you're what I need. You're the one I love" – Amelia confessed and she couldn't hold her tears anymore, neither could Arizona.


	32. Chapter 32

Arizona agreed to sleep in there that night, truth to be told, she wouldn't be happy sleeping alone either, after that crazy day. She helped Amelia putting new linens on the mattress, and soon after they've started a silly pillow fight. The two women were exhausted and needed to rest, so they spend sometime kissing but they were in need of snuggling more than sex.

Arizona wrapped her arm around Amelia's waist, whispered I Love You on her ear and they fell asleep. In the middle of the night, Arizona got paged with a 911 in the hospital.

"Damn it!" – Arizona cursed when she picked up the phone.

Slowly, trying not to wake Amelia up, she got up from bed and started to look for her clothes, that were somewhere at the floor. When she was finishing getting dressed, Amelia stirred in bed and looked for Arizona with her arm. Finding just a void, the brunette opened her eyes, quickly.

"Hey, are you sneaking out?" – Amelia asked, seeing Arizona putting her shoes on.

"Oh, sorry honey, I didn't want to wake you, I've got paged, 911" – Arizona explained and gave Amelia a soft kiss on the lips.

"Wait, give me a decent kiss, please?" – Amelia asked, smiling and Arizona obeyed immediately.

"Get back to sleep, it's too early. I'll see you at the hospital" – Arizona said, finding it hard to leave Amelia and all of her naked sexiness.

"Good work, I love you" – Amelia said, already dozing.

Arizona stopped and turned around to face Amelia again, and seeing the brunette with her eyes already closed, just whispered softly.

"I love you, too"

In the morning, Amelia was down in the kitchen with Bailey, who woke up earlier than usual. She was making him breakfast when Maggie entered the kitchen.

"God, what happened? Why are you the first to be awake?" – Maggie asked.

"Are you asking me or Bailey?" – Amelia said, laughing.

"Well, both, I guess" – Maggie was still sleepy.

"I woke up early, I need to find an AA meeting today" – Amelia said, placing the pancake on her nephew's plate – "And this little guy lost his sleep a little earlier, too, so we're making breakfast, right, Bailey? – Amelia asked him, who nodded yes with his mouth full of pancake.

"Why do you need a meeting today? And what's wrong with your usual one?" – Maggie asked.

"Well, Kate's in that, so I think it's best for me to avoid new conflicts. And I need it today because when good things happen unexpectedly in my life, I usually ruin them very quickly, so I want to prepare myself not to do that" – Amelia explained.

"Oh, that's very mature of you, I'm proud, sis!" – Maggie exclaimed – "Wait, I thought Arizona was going to sleep in here"

"She did, but she got paged in the middle of the night" – Amelia said, offering her sister some fresh pancakes, too.

A little longer after that, Amelia was at the coffee cart, waiting on the line, to get her and Arizona some fresh coffee. She figured Arizona was in need of something to help her being awake. When she was leaving, she was surprised by some visitor she wasn't expecting.

"Kate? What are you doing in here, is everything ok?" – Amelia asked, surprised and intrigued, at the same time.

"Can we talk for a minute?" – Kate asked, looking like she was up all night crying.

"Yeah, of course" – Amelia said, and they walked until a small bench outside the hospital.

"I couldn't sleep this night. I was thinking about you, about us. I'm sorry for what I've said yesterday, that was very rude of me" – Kate apologized.

"You don't have to apologize, Kate. I completely understand, this wasn't easy on you" – Amelia tried to be gentle, but she was afraid of where this was going.

"The thing is, since I broke up with my ex, six years ago, I never date anyone else seriously. I haven't fallen in love with anyone, but you, since her. I just think that life happens when you're expecting nothing at all. And in the meetings we are taught to always look forward, right? So, that's what I needed to tell you… Stop looking back, your past added so much pain in your present, but you have another chance now, with me. Give it a try, Amelia. Let's work this out" – Kate told Amelia, who got a surprised look on her face.

She would open a hole in the ground and disappear if she could. She would need to break Kate's heart again, and this time, getting rid of all of her expectations. She thought things got pretty clear yesterday, but apparently Kate thought differently.

"Kate… Listen…" – Amelia started, but Kate interrupted her.

"Wait, don't just answer me. Give it a time, think about it. I don't need an answer right now. Love is patient" – Kate smiled and held Amelia's hand, who now was perplexed.

"Kate, I think you're getting this out very very wrong. I think it's better if I tell you what I'm feeling now, before it causes you more pain. I thought I was clear yesterday, even though I'm really sorry that things happened the way they did, even though I care about you a lot, I'm not in love with you, and I won't fall in love with you because I'm already in love with somebody else. I believe love's patient, too, but in this case, this is a one-way thing. I'm sorry, but I think you need to move on" – Amelia said and Kate was about to fall apart.

"But Amy…" – Kate tried to say but Amelia interrupted her.

"Amelia, Kate. I don't like being called Amy by other people, there's only a few who get to call me that. And to make it clearer, Arizona didn't add pain to my present, on the contrary, she was the only good thing in my past. The pain was something I did to myself. And you're doing this to yourself, too. I'm not the one you want to be with, I won't value you like you deserve. I'm sure you'll find someone that you're going to fall in love with, and being loved in return. I'm sorry, Kate. I need to go, now" – Amelia said and left her sitting there alone.

Of course she was feeling bad about it, nobody likes to tear someone apart like that, but she had no choice. As she was entering the elevator, she spotted Arizona inside.

"Good morning, babe" – Arizona greeted her, kissing her on the cheek and enjoying Amelia's heavenly smell.

"Good morning, I brought you some coffee, but I think it's cold and disgusting now" – Amelia said, making a sad face.

"Why? Did someone page you on the way?" – Arizona asked, trying the coffee and making an unpleasant face because of it.

"Not a page, but it felt like a 911" – Amelia joked.

"What do you mean?" – Arizona asked when they arrived at the Peds floor.

"Kate showed up here" – Amelia started, making Arizona turn around to face her, perplexed.

"Yeah, I had the same look on my face. She just started to tell me that we should give it a try, that I was the first woman she fell in love in six years, that I should look forward. I was just bewildered." – Amelia told Arizona about it.

"Oh my God, Amy. That sounds… confusing, to say the least. What did you say to her?" – Arizona asked.

"That I was deeply sorry, but I thought I was clear yesterday, I told I am in love with somebody else, and that she should move on" – Amelia said, putting her arms around Arizona's neck.

"Uhm, you sound sexy when you say you're in love" – Arizona said, kissing her.

"Listen, I am going to a meeting a little far from here today, so maybe I won't get home in time for dinner, but I would love to sleep an entire night with you today." – Amelia said.

"Why don't you go to my place tonight, after the meeting? Less kids, more privacy… if you know what I mean" – Arizona said, smiling.

"I'm sold. See you later, then" – Amelia said, kissing her and leaving the ward.


	33. Chapter 33

Amelia barely left the OR and her page was ringing, a 911 in the pit. She arrived there to see Alex, Maggie, and DeLuca working on what it looked like a newborn.

"Ok, what do we got?" – Amelia asked.

"A kid brought another kid to the hospital, she can't say what's wrong, so we're searching for everything" – Alex said, clearly angry.

"His heart sounds fine, but I want to run an ECG just to make sure" – Maggie said.

"Alex, can you please elaborate what happened with him? He's awake and responsive, where do you need me?" – Amelia insisted, confused about what was really the case.

"A crying teenager just came with him on her arms, saying he wasn't moving or crying or making any sounds for that matter. She'd probably dropped him or whatever" – Alex explained.

"Ok, did he cry already? How's his breathing" – Amelia asked.

"He hasn't cried, but breathing sounds are normal, he is contracting his facial muscles and his pupils seemed fine. But he's not moving his legs" – DeLuca explained and Amelia's feature changed immediately.

"Ok, does he have a name? Do we know his age?" – Amelia asked, trying to stay calm.

"No. The girl said he was a couple of days old, she didn't know anything, I'm not even sure if she's the mother." – Alex said, still angry.

"Ok, little man. We're gonna take care of you, all right? Don't worry" – Amelia said to the baby, holding his tiny little hand.

"Nothing on the ultrasound either. I think he might have a concussion or spinal injury" – Alex said.

"Ok, DeLuca: let's get him to an MRI. He's not showing any reflex from the waist down and we need to figure why he hasn't cried yet because he still has pain reflexes" – Amelia ordered.

"Ok, I'll meet you guys in there. I'm going to talk to his mother or whatever she is" – Alex said and left the room, while DeLuca and Amelia took the baby to the MRI.

When Alex arrived at the waiting room, the teenager had disappeared. She was probably too scared to deal with a baby, and something happened to him, which only made her feel more scared. She abandoned the baby without informing anything. Alex was pissed off.

At the MRI, Amelia pointed out as soon as the scans appeared on the monitor.

"There! He has a huge edema on his spine, he probably fell down from a certain height." – Amelia said.

"Poor thing. But it looks like it's not that serious, right?" – DeLuca asked.

"Doesn't look like. A quick surgery could relieve the symptoms on his legs, but I'm pretty worried about his brain, though." – Amelia said, staring fixedly to the baby's brain.

"Are you seeing anything? It looks clear to me" - DeLuca pointed and Alex arrived in there.

"The mom is gone" – Alex exclaimed.

"What?" – DeLuca and Amelia asked at the same time.

"She's gone, she abandoned him. What do we got?" – Alex asked, getting closer to see the images, too.

"An edema on his spine, that seems pretty easy. His brain, though, seems clear, but I needed an explanation for his absence of voice" – Amelia explained.

"There are some cases where babies get into shock and instead of crying heavily, they just shut it down" – Alex explained.

"Seriously? Have you seen one of these before?" – Amelia asked.

"I haven't, but Robbins has, for sure." – Alex said.

"Well, ok, since his brain is clear, let's get him to the OR to repair his spine and give him a little time to recover, maybe he'll be back to normal by himself" – Amelia ordered and they followed her.

After his surgery, Amelia was called at the reception to talk to the police about the baby. She was tired and running late for her AA meeting, but she needed to inform about his health condition and find out what will happen to him since he was abandoned. Amelia quickly developed a bond with the baby; she lost her father so young and she constantly feels like an outsider in her own family, so she kind of understood the baby's choice not to make a sound.

"I know how you're feeling. Sometimes this world just swallow you and you lose your voice, right? But I'm here, cutie. If you decide to make a cute baby sound again, I'm here" – Amelia said to the baby, while he was still asleep from the anesthesia.

When she spotted the two police officers, she presented herself.

"Officers, Dr. Amelia Shepherd, I was operating on the baby"

"Good evening, Dr. Shepherd. I'm Officer Keller and she's Officer Swend. Can you tell us about what happened?" – The male officer asked Amelia.

"Yeah, of course, the scans have shown a large edema on his spine, so he needed a small surgery on his back to drain it and now he's at NICU for recovering. Every other physical aspect of him seemed fine. Our other concern is that he hasn't cried since he arrived in here, or made any sounds for what is worth. We've run a CT and MRI to check on his brain and it all came back clear, so we need to wait and confirm that he's under a state of shock right now and somehow his brain shut down his speech/communication area" – Amelia explained.

"But.. how he got in here? What happened to him? Have you spoken to his mother? Could you tell she was looking like she was going to run away?" – The male officer asked her, making Amelia feel angry.

"I thought you were concerned about his health condition, more than whether his mom was or wasn't planning on runaway" – Amelia answered.

"Dr. Shepherd, we're glad he's doing fine for now, but for us to put him on the system, we need to understand if he was actually abandoned and that the mom has no intention of getting him back" – The female officer explained it now.

"The system?" – Amelia asked, confused.

"Yes, for adoption" – The female officer answered.

"Well, he still has a few weeks ahead of him, he'll need full-time care in the hospital until I say otherwise. I think that's plenty of time for the mother to change her mind or for you to get the story revealed. While you do that, I'll make sure he's stable and healthy. Excuse me" – Amelia said and left them.

Amelia drove to the AA meeting and all she could think of on the way was about that baby. It would be his first night after a surgery and he didn't have anybody to sleep with him. So far, they didn't know if he would have anybody at all in his life.

Amelia entered the room and sat on the last row of chairs, waiting patiently for her turn to speak. She needed to speak, to share, to recognize she wasn't all alone in this, other people also had problems, screwed up, hurt others. She wasn't the only one and that was slightly comforting. When it was her turn, she stood up and walked to the small stage in the front, put her hands down on the pulpit, took a deep breath, and started.

"Hello, my name is Amelia"

"Hi, Amelia" – everybody said it together.

"This is my first meeting in this place and I'm actually looking forward to it. I'm an addict, have been for years now, and I'm clean for a little over a year. Yesterday I ended a relationship where I was denying myself to be in it. And at the same day, I could win again the blessing of going back to the person I love the most, because she still loves me as much as I love her, and that's rare and lucky. I feel lucky. And I decided to come here today because I have a record of ruining things once they happen in my life. The good things. So I wanted to make sure I wouldn't allow myself to ruin it this time, that I would fight against that desire of using drugs or having a glass of vodca. Strangely, I feel none of this today. I am a doctor and earlier today a baby came in by the hospital. A newborn, actually. A teenage mom who dropped him on the floor and hurt him; just took him to the hospital and abandoned him. To be honest, I can sympathize with her. She had one responsibility that she wasn't ready to, and she dropped it on the floor. I saw myself in her. I was the girl and the baby was my responsibilities, that I often drop it. And the doctors who saved that baby were all the people in my life, cleaning up the mess I made. But today…" – Amelia started to clean the tears that were running down through her face – "… today I saved that baby. I was on the other side, I was the responsible one. But somehow I can't stop thinking about him, which is weird because working in a hospital we see these things more often than we'd like to. Babies are dropped off there and we're just used to see the social worker and the police taking care of the afterward process. But this baby, I don't know why, bonded with me. And I'm afraid that's my addiction looking for something else to make me feel dependent on" – Amelia shared her feelings, emotional.

After the meeting, she just pulled herself together and drove to Arizona's house. It was a bittersweet feeling, parking outside where she used to park for so long in the past. Walking to the door and reminiscing how many good and bad times she had in that house. The strength of habit made Amelia search for the keys inside her purse, to then realize she no longer lived there. She just knocked on the door and Arizona opened it, smiling. It just took that smile to make all of those thoughts disappear. Everything feels right whenever Arizona smiles.


	34. Chapter 34

"You're here, finally" – Arizona said, grabbing Amelia's hand and pulling her inside the house – "There's still some dinner saved for you if you're hungry"

"I'm fine, but thank you, though" – Amelia said, a little distant.

"Is everything ok? How was the meeting?" – Arizona asked, noticing her girlfriend a little distant and quiet.

"It was good, it's a little far from the hospital, though, but it was good that I went there" – Amelia said, sitting on the couch beside Arizona.

"Are you ok?" – Arizona asked, worried.

"Yes, I'm sorry, I'm just a little weird, I had this patient today, an abandoned baby" – Amelia explained.

"Yeah, Alex told me about it, but he said the baby had a minor surgery to drain his spinal edema and his doing fine, now" – Arizona commented.

"He is, not crying or making sounds yet, though" – Amelia said, a little sad.

"I believe it's a kind of shock reaction. As soon as his pain relieves, I think he'll be back to normal, don't worry" – Arizona patted Amelia's back and smiled at her.

"I hope so. It's just… I felt connected with him, I can't believe his mother just abandoned him like that" – Amelia confessed.

"Unfortunately this happens more than we'd like to. I think she got scared, maybe she'll come around tomorrow, I don't know. You should try to get some rest, you seem tired" – Arizona said, comprehensively.

"I am, indeed. Would you go upstairs with me, please?" – Amelia asked and Arizona nodded yes.

Amelia needed a quick shower before changing into an oversized shirt, while Arizona was reading in the bed. When Amelia left the bathroom, the blonde put her book on the nightstand and opened a big smile.

"I've missed this. Waiting for you to come to bed with me" – Arizona said, making Amelia smile too.

"I've missed everything" – Amelia said and the couple started to kiss passionately, and before they knew it, they were naked making love.

Amelia wanted so bad to take that baby out of her head, and at the same time, she wanted to enjoy every second with Arizona. They stopped the sex for a few minutes to recover their breath and strength, but soon enough Amelia started to caress Arizona's arm and chest, and slowly they were kissing again.

"We won't ever stop if you continue to kiss me like that, you know?" – Arizona said, rolling over on top of Amelia.

"I'm not very interested in stopping, whatsoever" – Amelia said, smiling.

After another round, they fell asleep naked and cuddled. Arizona nuzzled in Amelia's back of neck, like that was the best place on earth to sleep in. Amelia held Arizona's hand tightly against her chest, she felt so safe having the blond sleeping close to her like that. She woke in the middle of night but didn't want to leave Arizona's embrace, so she just remained there, with millions of things running through her mind. Suddenly she started to think what would be like to have a baby with Arizona. As much as she tried to picture several different babies in her head, she could only see her with that baby from the hospital. She felt an urge to adopt that child, to give him a second chance in life, with a beautiful and loving family. But immediately she felt sad, she's done so many wrong things in her life, that it seemed impossible for any social worker to let her adopt him. Worst: she didn't know for sure if she should even consider motherhood. She felt no better than his own biological mother who abandoned him at the hospital.

When the alarm went off, Arizona started to stir and kissed Amelia's neck.

"Good morning, beautiful" – Arizona said, feeling grateful for having Amelia.

"Hey, good morning. Did you sleep well?" – Amelia asked, turning around to place a kiss on Arizona's lips.

"I did, and you?" – Arizona asked.

"Not so much, I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep since then" – Amelia said, now wrapping her arm around Arizona's waist.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" – Arizona asked, caressing Amelia's cheeks.

"I was just thinking about the baby. What will happen to him, after I discharge him?" – Amelia asked, since Arizona deals with babies all the time.

"I believe social work is already setting up his transference to some government's orphanage once he's discharged. They will take care of him in there until he's adopted" – Arizona explained, sensing her girlfriend was really connected to the baby, which wasn't usual to Amelia.

"Do you think he will be adopted soon?" – Amelia asked, staring directly at Arizona's blue eyes.

"He's a newborn, no severe condition, I think he has a pretty good chance" – Arizona explained, and asked – "Why?"

"I just wish I could do something more effective for him" – Amelia confessed.

"Baby, you operated on him, fixed him. I think you did an amazing job already" – Arizona said and they both got up to get ready for work.

At the hospital, Amelia was finishing her rounds when Bailey paged her.

"Chief? Did you page?" – Amelia asked, entering Bailey's office.

"Yes, Shepherd, I need to talk to you about the baby, your patient. Does he has a name?" – Bailey asked, while Amelia was sitting at a chair.

"No, he doesn't, yet" – Amelia answered, a little upset to realize that he didn't even have a name.

"Poor thing. Uhm, I need to fill out this paperwork to send to the government and maybe you can help me out with some things?" – Bailey asked.

"Yes, of course, but what are those? The paperwork" – Amelia asked, intrigued.

"Oh, just some forms so the government can pay for his treatment in here" – Bailey answered.

"Can't we just do probono?" – Amelia asked.

"We could, yes, but we have a limited amount of probono's cases in here, and since the government can pay for this one, it's best if we can use our time to help others" – Bailey explained but Amelia was still confused.

"Why the government is paying for his treatment?" – Amelia asked.

"Well, he was abandoned, so he belongs to the government now" – Bailey said, a little unsure of why Amelia had so many questions about it.

"But if these costs were paid by someone else, does that give him a little more time before entering the adoption system? I mean, once he gets into it, his adoption process can take a lot longer than if he goes into some direct adoption in here, right?" – Amelia asked, remembering how was Zola's adoption process.

"Yes, but do you think someone in here wants to adopt him? Or his mother will change her mind?" – Bailey asked, intrigued.

"I don't know" – Amelia answered it.

"Do you think it's best for him is his mother comes back?" – Bailey was trying to figure out Amelia's mind.

"I don't know, either" – Amelia answered it, honestly.

"Well, I need to hand these forms because the hospital can't pay for it. I feel bad for him, but I have no other choice" – Bailey affirmed.

"I'll pay for it. I'll buy him a little more time" – Amelia said, impulsively.

"I beg your pardon?" – Bailey asked, unsure of what Amelia just said.

"I'll pay for his costs in here. Just tell me how much" – Amelia confirmed.

"Amelia, he just had a surgery. Along with the days he still need to be in here, this could reach almost a hundred thousand dollars" – Bailey was trying to get some sense into Amelia's mind.

"I know. I have some money saved. It's not a problem. Just tell me how much and I'll write you a check" – Amelia insisted.

"Amelia, do you want to adopt him? Is that it?" – Bailey asked her, with kindness.

"No. I mean, I don't know. I don't think I can, anyway. But I really want him to have a better chance than the system. I wanna help him" – Amelia confessed.

"I have by the end of the day to hand these forms out, so you think about it for a while and get back to me, ok?" – Bailey said.

"There's no need, I've made up my mind. I'll pay for everything, and that would buy him at least another week to get a direct adoption" – Amelia said and excused herself after a 911 page.

Bailey kept thinking about it and something was quite weird. She decided to share her concern with Arizona.

"Robbins, can I talk to you for a minute?" – Bailey asked the blonde.

"Of course, what's up?" – Arizona asked, returning her tablet to the Peds' nurse.

"Walk with me, please" – Bailey ordered and started – "Did Amelia say something to you about her patient, the abandoned baby?"

"She mentioned this morning, she was a little bummed out with his story, why?" – Arizona said, now worried.

"She asked me not to hand him to the government yet, she wants him to have a better chance of a direct adoption before he's discharged, and she wants to pay for his whole time in here, which I believe you know it's a lot of money" – Bailey said and Arizona was confused.

"But why? Do you think she wants to adopt him? It doesn't make sense to spend all of this money if the government can pay for it" – Arizona asked.

"I asked her and she hesitated a little, she said she doesn't think she could adopt him. Maybe you can talk to her and figure if something's happening? We're talking about almost a hundred thousand dollars in here" – Bailey said and Arizona nodded yes.

After looking for Amelia at the cafeteria and surgical board to see if she was in surgery, Arizona figured where she could find her girlfriend: NICU. She was probably visiting the baby.

"I thought I would find you in here" – Arizona said, kissing Amelia on the right cheek.


	35. Chapter 35

"Hi, oh, it's good to see you like this, unexpectedly. I was just checking on him" – Amelia said, smiling at Arizona.

"Can we talk for a second? Outside?" – Arizona asked and Amelia nodded yes.

They left the NICU and walked into an on-call room on Peds floor.

"What's up? Is this a full-visit for me?" – Amelia said, kissing her girlfriend properly.

"Oh, I wish I had the time, but I have surgery in twenty minutes" – Arizona said, kissing Amelia back.

"I can do a lot in twenty minutes" – Amelia continued to tease her.

"Amy, can we just talk for a second? Please?" – Arizona asked and Amelia shrugged.

"Yes, of course, what's wrong?" – Amelia sounded worried.

"Bailey had a conversation with me, she's kind of worried about you and your patient, the baby" – Arizona started and she knew this would put Amelia on her defense-mode.

"Why did Bailey go after you? If she's worried about me she should talk to me" – Amelia said, a little rashly.

"Because she thought that was the exact answer you would give to her. What's going on? Are you really considering paying for this baby's treatment? Don't you think it's a matter of the government now?" – Arizona tried to understand in her very calm, soothing way.

"I think he deserves a better chance. Maybe someone decides to adopt him and the social worker could grant a direct adoption, rather than put him in a system that would easily get him to wait so long for a family. He has nobody in his life. His irresponsible mother dropped him from a certain height, enough for him to get in here paralyzed. He deserves better" – Amelia explained.

"I agree with you, but the thing is: he might enter the system anyway, he's progressing quickly and sooner than later he will be discharged, so don't you think it's exaggerated to spend this amount of money now?" – Arizona tried to understand, glad that Amelia hasn't run away from the conversation yet.

"I know that's not reasonable. I see that. But I can't explain it, in my head this makes sense. I feel a connection with this baby and I really wanted to do something for him" – Amelia said and Arizona could notice tears in Amelia's eyes, but the brunette was holding on strongly.

"Are you going to be ok on cash if you do this? Do you need any help?" – Arizona asked and Amelia felt relieved to receive support when she was expecting a big fight.

"I will be fine, but thank you for asking" – Amelia smiled.

"Amy, can you answer me something honestly?" – Arizona asked, grabbing Amelia's hand into hers.

"Yes" – Amelia said, softly.

"Do you want to adopt this baby?" – Arizona asked and Amelia looked up, fighting harder for her tears not to drop from her eyes and thinking how she would answer that.

"I… I've thought about it. I don't know why; I think I just really bonded with him. But I know that's not gonna happen, so it was just something that crossed my mind" – Amelia answered.

"That's not what I've asked. I'm not asking if you will adopt him, but if you want to? Is that something you want? Do you want to be a mom?" – Arizona asked, smiling.

"I want to be, but I don't know if I can. And especially I don't think I could ever adopt, anyway" – Amelia said and Arizona frowned since she was an adoptive parent.

"Why? What's wrong with adoption?" – Arizona asked, intrigued and slightly irritated, and Amelia quickly realized she misunderstood her.

"No, please, that's not what I meant. I don't think any court would allow me to adopt because I'm an addict. That's nothing wrong with adoption. I would love to adopt and take care of him. He smiled at me today, you know? He just saw me and smiled." – Amelia sounded like a mother already and that broke Arizona's heart.

"Come here, sit down" – Arizona guided Amelia to the bed in the room – "I think you're a great, great woman, an outstanding doctor and an incredible human being with a heart so big and kind, that any kid would be lucky to have you as a mom. And for my experience, motherhood is a constant learning. Nobody is born knowing how to be a mom. I didn't give birth to my daughter but I felt this inexplicable connection with her when she was born, already fighting to be alive. So, what I'm trying to say to you is, if you want to adopt him, if that's your wish, you should stop thinking about your flaws, and start thinking about your qualities, because you have a lot of them. I know you have a lot to deal with, but you shouldn't hold back your wishes because it's difficult. You will learn how to handle things, I can assure you that. I just want you to be sure of your choice, because that's a life-changing choice" – Arizona said to her and Amelia was crying now.

"Thank you, that means so much to me. But, to be honest, and I think I owe you my entire honesty, I don't think I could do this alone. And we're together, after all this time, we're finally together again and I wouldn't jeopardize that now. If that was something we both wanted, I would highly consider it. But right now, I wouldn't do that alone, I think it's only fair to him to know my limits and if there's any chance for him to have a better mom, he should have it, then" – Amelia confessed, worried about Arizona's reaction.

"Amy, but I'm not giving you an ultimatum in here. I'm not saying it's either him or me. I wouldn't break up with you if you decide to be a mom" – Arizona said, trying to convince her girlfriend that she should pursue her dream.

"And I appreciate you for that, but you're also not saying you wanted to adopt him with me. I don't want to be a single parent because I'm still in recovery and this kind of pressure would be the end of me. I'm not asking you to become a mom with me, don't get me wrong. I know we just got back together, you already have a child, you're starting to rebuild your trust in me. I don't want you to think I'm delusional or anything" – Amelia tried to explain herself and started crying again, that was hard on her.

"Come here, baby. Don't cry. I know you're not asking me anything. I just want you to know you have the option if you want" – Arizona hugged her. She didn't want to say with all the words that she didn't want to go through the adoption process again or even another custody trial like she had with Callie. That wasn't part of her plans, but she didn't want Amelia to give up on her dreams, also.

"I need to ask you, though. To clear this out of my head and move on with my life. Would you? Consider it? Adopting him, with me." – Amelia asked and Arizona felt a knife ripping her out. She knew her answer would hurt Amelia and she hated herself for that.

"Amy, I can't lie to you. I've been through hell with Sofia's trial and I had to listen from Callie's lawyer that I was less of a mother because I didn't share Sofia's DNA. So this whole thing hit me hard. I wish I could think of it as something that would be possible, but right now, considering the time he has for us to make a decision, I would say no. I'm really, really sorry. I really want you to pursue your dream if that's it, and I can offer you as much support as possible, but not as a parent" – Arizona was completely honest, and she was heartbroken to see the look on Amelia's eyes.

"You don't have to apologize. I'm glad we had this talk, now I think I can really move on this. I will pay for his medical costs, I will help him the way I can now and I'll pray that he can find a family soon" – Amelia smiled and hugged Arizona. – "I think it's almost time for your surgery, isn't it?" – Amelia asked and Arizona nodded yes, kissing her on the forehead and leaving the room.

After Arizona left, Amelia locked the door and went back to bed, where she cried herself out. For a second she thought Arizona would agree and that could be the beautiful start for them as a family, but she understands the reasons why Arizona wouldn't want another child, especially co-parenting with a problematic, addict person like herself. Even though she could understand it, it was still very, very sad. Amelia just wanted to cry out her pain.

After her surgery, Arizona was still feeling bad because of her conversation with Amelia. She knew she wasn't responsible for her decision not to adopt him, and it would highly unfair for Arizona, Amelia and the baby if she'd agreed with it, just to please Amelia's whishes, but, even so, it was hard to be in that situation. She felt like everybody was losing something no matter what.

Walking out of her post-op patient, she bumped into Alex, who called her for a consult. The patient was Amelia's baby.

"You told me about babies in shock, I really think that's his case, his brain CT is clear, he doesn't have anything else to justify his lack of voice" – Alex shared his thoughts with his mentor.

"Did the mother say if he ever cried before the accident? At all?" – Arizona asked.

"Yes, that was one of her worries, that he stopped crying" – Alex said, a little nonconformist.

"Let's check on him, then" – Arizona said and they went to the NICU.

Getting in there, she could see why Amelia bonded with him so quickly, the baby was delightful, really cute, even for a newborn, with cute little dimples on his both cheeks and expressive big blue eyes, that searched for everything.

"Hey, cutie-pie, you seem a curious little guy, aren't you?" – Arizona talked to him and for everyone's surprise, he giggled.

"Was this a giggle? Did you hear that? He actually made a sound!" – Alex exclaimed, ecstatic.

"Well, I think he's starting to overcome his shock" – Arizona couldn't hide her happiness. She knew Amelia would be thrilled to hear that.

She, then, stuck her hand inside his incubator and played with his hands and not only he giggled again, making everybody smiles, but he also squeezed Arizona's finger.

"His grip is hard. He's strong. You're a strong little boy." – Arizona said it and she was a bit emotional with everything.

She started to think what life would be like if she decided to do that with Amelia. Would it be so impossible to happen? How would Sofia feel when she discovers she would be a big sister? What would she do if by any chance Amelia go back to drugs or alcohol? Would she hurt the baby? Would he be a reason for her never risks her sobriety? What would be his name?

She just felt overwhelmed by these questions in her head. She changed into her regular clothes and went home, she needed to rest her leg and try to ease her mind. Halfway to her house, she remembered that she didn't make any plans with Amelia for that night and maybe her girlfriend wouldn't want to be alone. She texted her.

 _Heading home, my leg is killing me today. Would you like to stay at my place tonight? I would love your company. –A_

After Arizona took a shower and fixed something for her to eat, she checked her phone again to see if Amelia answered but she hadn't. She couldn't know if Amelia was upset with her or not. When she was debating with herself whether she should call the brunette or not, someone knocked on her door.

"I've got your text" – Amelia said when Arizona opened the door.

* * *

 **Hi guys, this story is comming to an end. The next chapter will be the last one and I just wanted to thank your support during this journey. A new fanfic is on its way and soon enough I will start to publish again! I hope to read all of your good stories, too. :)**


	36. Chapter 36

Arizona hugged her girlfriend and just by looking at her she could tell Amelia was incredibly sad. She was kind of relieved to see that, although it could've been a major trigger for Amelia goes back to drinking, she was sober.

"How are you?" – Arizona asked, she knew she wasn't fine, but she wanted to show herself available if Amelia wanted to talk.

"Fine. It was a long day, that's all" – Amelia said, she didn't have to tell Arizona she was sad, her girlfriend already knew it.

"Well, I think I may have some news that might cheer you up a little, we've tried to find you at the hospital, but a nurse told me you left a little earlier" – Arizona said, smiling.

"What? What is it?" – Amelia was curious and slightly anxious.

"Your patient, the baby, he giggled. I was consulting with Alex to check for trauma signs that could justify the absence of any sounds, and I just talked to him and he giggled. Twice" – Arizona couldn't hide how big her smile was now, she knew that was huge news to Amelia and she was glad to be the one telling her.

"Oh my God! He giggled! Are you sure? Like, did he actually make a sound?" – Amelia was excited, pacing around the living room.

"I'm positive, because he did it twice. And he also squeezed my finger with his tiny little hand. Strong grip. He's fine, Amy. You did a wonderful job with him" – Arizona said, holding Amelia's hand, who started to cry.

"I'm sorry, those are happy tears" – Amelia said, while she was crying in Arizona's chest.

"I know, baby. I know." – Arizona hugged her, patting her back.

After the emotional moment, they went upstairs and got ready to sleep. Arizona wrapped her arm around Amelia trying to give her comfort, even though her feature changed a little bit since Arizona told about the baby giggles. She was definitely relieved, but Arizona could see she was also far away from there.

And she really was. Amelia could only think about how delightful it would be to hear that giggle every day. As if he could be in there, in a crib next to Arizona's bed, that would also be hers. Their bed, their house, their baby, their new life. An emotional overflow took Amelia's body and Arizona was worried.

"Hey, what happened?" – Arizona asked.

"Nothing, I'm being emotional for no reason, don't mind me" – Amelia tried to explain, laughing and crying at the same time.

"Are you sure, Amy? Can I do anything to help?" – Arizona asked.

"I'm fine, baby. I promise you. But… uhm… Can I ask you something? And I don't want you to feel pressured or anything" – Amelia started.

"Yes, you can ask me anything" – Arizona said, smiling when Amelia turned around to face her.

"I know this whole adoption thing it's complicated. But, forget about this baby. Do you think that in the future, you can see yourself being a mom with me? Do you think I'm in your future?" – Amelia asked and Arizona stared at her kindly.

"I definitely see you in my future, Amy. Definitely. And I haven't thought about a baby yet, not until today. I don't discard it, but it's something that I would have to put a thought on" – Arizona explained, hoping Amelia would understand.

"Of course. I'm just asking because I keep picturing it, you know? Us, a child, a life together. I want so bad to grow old with you, to build a future together" – Amelia said, kissing Arizona on the lips.

"I think we're on the same page, then. I want all of that, too" – Arizona said and they said goodnight.

Arizona couldn't sleep. Last week she was avoiding talking to Amelia because it hurt to see her with some other woman, and now they were talking about a future. She didn't know if that was heavily crazy or if they just allowed their love to grow inside of them, even when they were apart. Although it was fast, and it was scaring, it was also so right and so good to at least consider this to become something solid. She felt right being with Amelia. Does it really make a difference if they're going to start their future now or if they will wait another week?

In the morning, Amelia woke up to an empty bed. She frowned when noticed that Arizona wasn't there, but she could hear her voice from a distance. She put on some clothes in case DeLuca was at the house and headed downstairs to see Arizona talking on the phone, with a huge grin on her face.

"Good morning" – Amelia said, with her usual morning mood.

"That's wonderful, Heather, thank you very much." – Arizona was finishing her call and then looked at Amelia – "Good morning, my love. We need to talk"

"Why? What did I do?" – Amelia was confused, eating half of Arizona's toast.

"Are you eating my toast?" – Arizona asked, intrigued.

"Sorry, I'm hungry" – Amelia said with her mouth full, like a child.

"I did something. Actually, you did something. To me" – Arizona started, smiling.

"Why are you smiling like this? And what did I do to you? I was sleeping" – Amelia said, confused.

"Baby, you made me fight this annoying voice in my head that tells me that everything's going to get ruined like it was with Callie. Last night, when you asked me if I see a future with you in it, I said yes" – Arizona said.

"But you don't?" – Amelia asked, confused and now worried.

"I do, I still do. But I'm not sure if I can wait that much longer for this future. I love you, Amy. I've loved you for so long, I've loved you even when we were apart. I feel like I found you for a reason, you're part of my life, of my present and future, and how much longer do I have to wait to allow myself to start it with you? So I called the hospital social worker." – Arizona said, with loving eyes.

"You did what?" – Amelia was perplexed, she couldn't believe her ears.

"I called her and told her we want to adopt him. I want to, I know you want it, too. This will be our start, our future is going to start now. I mean, if you want. We still have a long road ahead of us" – Arizona said and started to get nervous waiting for Amelia's response.

"Are you being serious? Am I actually hearing this right?" – Amelia was still perplexed.

"I am deadly serious, Amy" – Arizona said, squeezing Amelia's hand.

"But what about me? They won't let me adopt him, I'm sure." - Amelia asked worried, although her eyes were shining with joy.

"You're in recovery, Amy. We'll make this happen. Maybe we'll need to think about a plan, maybe different timing on the adoption process for each of us, but it will happen and we're going to be his moms. Let's focus on that, ok?" - Arizona tried to calm down her girlfriend.

"I love you, so damn much" – Amelia said and kissed her girlfriend, and they both had tears of happiness falling from their eyes.

"I love you, too. But you're going to make me a new toast" – Arizona joked and they both laughed.

They headed to the hospital to have a meeting with the social worker and set the arrangements to start the adoption process.

"Ok, doctors. Does he have a name already?" – The social worker asked.

"Not yet, do we need to name him now?" – Arizona asked.

"No, that's not necessary. For what I can see, you won't have much trouble with this. Arizona, you're already a mom and even won sole custody regarding your daughter, which only proves to the State you're a responsible and caring mother. And Amelia, you seem to have a solid experience with children, you have a lot of nieces and nephews" – The social worker commented.

"Yes, I do. A lot of them" – Amelia smiled.

"Well, I'm forwarding this to the judge and I believe I'll hear from him by the end of the week. You both have stable jobs, a good financial status. I need to advise you, though, that if his answer is no, you still can appeal, but you cannot run or take this baby away without my consent, is that clear? Anything you do can jeopardize the process" – the social worker said and both women nodded yes. Amelia was clearly nervous about the process getting denied because of her addiction problem. She needed to ask about it.

"Heather, I need to ask you, though, will it be a problem for me to adopt because I'm in recovery? I'm an addict. I mean, does this decrease the chances for the adoption process? Arizona has a clean state, maybe she'll need to do this alone?" - Amelia shot a lot of questions and Arizona looked at her worried, and kindly squeezed her hand.

"Amelia, for what I can see, you were clean for a very long time and you were in an accident, is that correct?" - the social worker asked and they both nodded yes, so she continued - "I won't sugarcoat this for you, being an addict is a major concern to the judge, of course. But even when we have children living in broken homes, with addict parents, the State always try to help the entire family before taking away the kid from his home. We know that it's dangerous, being an addict parent, but it's also a brave thing to do, staying clean in order to be a parent. And Arizona being in the picture will help, of course. There will be two of you, so less pressure on you, less danger to the kid. You've paid for his whole treatment. The judge will see that as a strong vote of confidence from you to this baby. And from what I can see, you're going to be a great mom. Don't make me regret about saying that!" - the social worker explained, and they both sighed, relieved.

After the meeting with Heather, they were in the NICU visiting him, and Amelia had a completely different look now. She was already seeing herself as his mom, and the baby's reaction whenever she was around was a gracious scene to watch.

"Have you thought about? A name?" – Arizona asked, squeezing Amelia's hand.

"No. I mean, I did, I had a thousand names popping in my head, but none of them seemed to fit his face. But last night I had a dream about my father. I would like to give his name to him. As a middle name. I would love to do that if you agree" – Amelia said.

"What is it? I never asked what was your father's name, I'm sorry" – Arizona said, seeing her girlfriend become a little bit emotional.

"Carter. Carter Shepherd" – Amelia said, smiling at the baby.

"It's a beautiful name. How do you feel about Adam?" – Arizona asked.

"Adam Carter. I love it" – Amelia smiled and kissed Arizona. – "I really loved it"

"Adam Carter Robbins-Shepherd. That's our son's name" – Arizona said.

* * *

 **After a few requests, I realized that it would be only fair to the characters to give them a nice happy ending, so I will publish another chapter, an epilogue, as the final one to this story. It was a great pleasure to me write about them since they are my favorite characters in the show. I intend to write more Amezona fics, for sure! The next one will be a Merzona (already in the making), but in the future, you can expect more of Amelia stuff. I always write about Arizona, since I fell in love with her storyline in Grey's Anatomy from the beginning, but I feel like she deserves a more highlighted appearance, so it's a chance for us, young authors, to make this happen through the fanfics (with our favorite characters, of course). I would love to hear more ideas of pairings and maybe write new stories about it. Thank you all for the amazing support and especially for the comprehension of my English not being native. Off to the epilogue to give Amelia and Arizona the nice happily ever after they deserve! :)**


	37. Chapter 37

_Epilogue_

"Amelia! Damn it... pick up the phone!" - Arizona shouted at her own phone, frustrated about not being able to talk to the brunette.

With little Adam in her arms, she walked to the couch and started to play with her son.

"That's ok, sweetie. Mom will talk to you soon, ok?" - Arizona put up on her baby-voice and the boy was delighted, smiling at her.

The house looked like a hurricane-survivor. Lots of toys all over the place, a few boxes and disposable items piled up on the kitchen counter. Arizona couldn't remember the last time she felt so powerless, having to take care of a toddler and a house, besides her actual job. To be honest, Adam wasn't a toddler just yet, he was about to turn 1, but he sure felt like one. When Sofia was his age, Arizona lived in a way smaller apartment and had Mark across the hall, to help her and Callie. Things were quite different now. Besides that, Arizona had her both functional legs at that time, and even though she was now able to do anything with her prosthetic, her limb still gets sore after so much effort. She wasn't complaining, she chose it, she chose to adopt Adam. But sometimes she wished for a little break from her schedule and just be able to breathe without being worried if she's missing out on anything from her son.

Arizona's phone started to ring and woke up her from her thoughts.

"Amelia! Finally!" - Arizona exclaimed.

"I was in surgery, is everything ok?" - Amelia asked.

"He talked!" - Arizona exclaimed, happy.

"He what?" - Amelia shouted.

"He said his first word, Amy. He looked at your picture holding him on the adoption day, he pointed his little yummy finger at you and said 'mama'" - Arizona was thrilled.

"Are you freaking kidding me? Is this a joke?" - Amelia couldn't believe.

"Why would I joke about that? He knows you're his mama" - Arizona exclaimed.

"Did you record it? I can't believe I missed it" - Amelia was torn between happiness and sadness.

"How could I imagine he would talk, baby? I've tried to get him do it again, but he just won't. Maybe he needs to see you and do it live! Would you please come home already? I miss you like crazy" - Arizona asked, and both women were smiling.

"I miss you too, baby. I hate when we have different day offs! I'll be right there. Do we need anything else for his party on Sunday? I can get on my way home" - Amelia offered.

"No, we have everything we need. Except for mama, right Adam? Say mama again!" - Arizona tried to get her son to say it again on the phone, without success.

Amelia tried to get home as soon as she could, she knew Adam had an early bedtime, but she really needed to see her baby and hopefully get him talking again. After finishing her paperwork, she just grabbed her stuff and bumped into Meredith at the parking lot.

"Hey, heading home already?" - Meredith asked.

"Yes. I'm already late, actually. Adam talked, Mer!" - Amelia said, unable to contain her excitement.

"He did? Oh my God, Amelia, that's amazing! When was that?" - Meredith asked, smiling.

"A few hours ago, I haven't seen it yet, Arizona called me. He looked at my picture with him, pointed at me and said 'mama'. I'm his mama, Mer. I can't even explain how I'm feeling right now!" - Amelia exclaimed.

"You are his mama, Amelia. I'm so happy for you guys. I know the feeling. It's called being a mom. Congratulations!" - Meredith hugged her sister, proudly.

"Thanks. Please, don't get pulled on any emergencies on Sunday, ok? I need you in there full time. And I miss the kids, too" - Amelia said.

"We'll be there, don't worry. Now hurry up and go see your baby talking!" - Meredith said, and Amelia entered into her car to go home.

When she finally arrived, she could hear Adam's giggles before she opened the door. She was crazy about that boy, and she knew that boy was even crazier about Arizona. Amelia felt complete and happier than she has ever been. But if she was Adam's mama, she knew Arizona was Adam's hero. Every time the blonde was playing around with him, he would get tired due to the amount of laughing and fun. Amelia couldn't be happier to watch these scenes every day.

She opened the door and called for Arizona.

"Where's my beautiful family?" - Amelia asked.

"Looks who's here, Adam! Look who's home now" - Arizona said to the boy, who pointed at Amelia.

"Mama"

"Oh my God! He did it again!" - Arizona exclaimed and Amelia started to cry and smile at the same time.

"Oh, my precious baby, I'm your mama indeed. How I missed you today" - Amelia said, holding the boy and next kissing Arizona.

"I am trying not to be offended by the fact that he hasn't even tried to point at me and recognize me as his other mama, even though we had this hell of a fun day, haven't we, sweetie?" - Arizona commented and Amelia laughed.

"Arizona, he is your spitting image, nobody ever doubts about you being his mom. Let me have this first treat, please" - Amelia joked.

"I was kidding, baby. I'm really happy for us" - Arizona said, kissing her girlfriend passionately.

"Me too. So much" - Amelia said.

After spending a little family time together, Amelia put Adam down, since it was past his bedtime already. In their bedroom, she found a half-naked Arizona waiting for her in bed, with the sheet covering only her leg, smiling at the anticipation of waiting for Amelia in there.

"Is this my luckiest day ever?" - Amelia said, smiling, when she saw Arizona like that.

"I missed you so much, we've been so tired this week because of Adam's party. We're in need of an 'us' time, don't you think?" - Arizona said, provoking Amelia.

"I couldn't agree more" - Amelia said, giving in to the temptation.

Adam was turning one year old in a couple of days and, although it had been exhausting, their relationship only got better. Amelia was still going to AA meetings and decided to go to therapy once a week, just to make sure she wouldn't jeopardize in any way her son and girlfriend. Arizona couldn't be more satisfied with her impulsive decision, almost a year ago, when she decided she wanted to adopt Adam with Amelia. It's been an amazing experience for both of them and Arizona finally found that happiness she thought she once had it.

Sofia was thrilled about being a big sister, that's all she ever talks about on her daily FaceTime with Arizona. She was arriving in Seattle the next morning to attend her brother's party and Arizona was relieved that the outcome was better than expected to her daughter, who now was even more decided to come back to live in Seattle again. She wanted to be closer to her brother and mom, and even though she liked Penny very much, it was slightly different with Amelia, because she considered her a mom, too.

The only thing that didn't make much of a sense in Arizona's head was having to call Amelia 'girlfriend' when they shared a home and a baby together. They've tried to have conversations about marriage, but Amelia was terrified that changing anything right now would ruin them. She married Owen out of an impulse and that was terrible and she didn't want to risk it. Whenever Arizona brought the subject up, Amelia's answer was always the same: "baby, we don't need anything else". Arizona gave up on that and decided to live what they have to live and surely that was the most important thing in her life: Amelia and her kids. But what made Arizona always carry this feeling that something was missing, was to know that Amelia deserved to have a happy marriage. And she decided that maybe she needed to try again, soon.

After picking up Sofia at the airport in her first flight by herself - the girl insisted she was big enough to board alone carrying her backpack, and had the flight attendance giving her whatever she needs during this 6 hours and both Callie and Arizona decided to give her a vote of confidence on that -, Arizona took her daughter to her favorite breakfast place, since she knew how bad Sofia missed those waffles.

"Is Adam coming with Amy, mommy?" - the little girl asked.

"No, they're home and we will get there soon, but I wanted to bring you in here, I know how much you love this place" - Arizona said, hugging her daughter.

They had a nice breakfast and Sofia insisted that they should go home already, she couldn't wait to see little Adam.

Arizona would have a late start at the hospital, while Amelia asked for the whole weekend off so she could handle the birthday party and take care of Sofia while Arizona had to work.

"We're home!" - Arizona announced.

"Amy! Adam!" - Sofia squealed and Amelia ran off to hug her.

"My God, stop growing up so fast. Oh, I've missed you, Sof!" - Amelia said to Sofia while hugging her tight.

"Where's my brother?" - Sofia asked and Amelia pointed out to the living room's floor where the boy was playing.

Soon enough there were giggles all over the house and both women seemed in heaven. That was a picture of a dream.

"I need to go to work. Are you sure you'll be okay with these two? Sofia has more energy than the two of us together" - Arizona warned Amelia.

"I can handle them just fine, but I wish you come home soon because I am the one who has a lot of energy, today" - Amelia said, kissing Arizona's neck and leaving the blonde aroused.

"This is not fair, Amy. Not fair" - Arizona said, smiling and biting her bottom lip. Even though she really wanted to run to their bed, she really needed to work.

Sofia helped Amelia with lunch and while Adam was taking an afternoon nap, Amelia helped paint Sofia's nails, and even let the girl choose her favorite color, purple.

"Do you think my mom will let me live in here, Amy?" - Sofia asked and Amelia looked at her with a curious look on her face.

"Why wouldn't she? She's crazy about you, Sof!" - Amelia exclaimed.

"I meant my other mom" - the girl explained and Amelia felt her heart gets tighten by the girl's question.

"I am sure both of your moms will find a good agreement regarding the city you'll live in, don't you worry about that, ok?" - Amelia tried to calm her down.

"Would you let me live in here? Even though I'm not your daughter?" - Sofia asked and Amelia smiled immediately.

"There is nothing in the world that would make me happier than have you living in here, with us. You have two amazing moms, but I consider you my daughter as well, I love you just the same" - Amelia said and the girl changed her feature quickly, opening a huge smile to Amelia.

"Thank you, Amy, I love you" - Sofia said and hugged Amelia.

Arizona managed to end her surgeries earlier than expected and rushed to the mall. She wanted to buy a ring so she could ask Amelia to marry her, and the longer she postpones that, the quicker she would lose her courage. She needed to have the ring in her hands and just wait for the right time to make the proposal.

When she arrived home, Amelia was finishing setting up some of the stuff for Adam's party on the next day, and both Sofia and Adam were still awake.

"Hey, I'm here" - Arizona announced, receiving a huge smile from Amelia.

"Thank God! It's late, busy day?" - Amelia asked.

"Yeah, my last surgery was a little complicated. What are they doing still awake?" - Arizona asked, kissing Amelia on the lips softly.

"It seems they can't get enough of each other" - Amelia said, laughing.

"Guys, come on, it's bedtime! Sof, brush your teeth!" - Arizona shouted and the girl started to weep and protest.

"No, Mommy, just a little more, please!" - Sofia insisted.

"Sofia, it's too late, you both need to sleep, tomorrow you'll have all day together again" - Arizona tried to explain, but the girl was outcrying.

"Baby, let them get 15 minutes more, it's ok" - Amelia tried to convince Arizona.

"It's way past Sofia's bedtime in New York, not to mention that Adam must be exhausted" - Arizona said and Adam giggled right after.

"Does he look tired to you? Come on, baby, they're thrilled about each other, 15 minutes more won't do them harm. Let them be, come kiss me in the kitchen because I missed you all day" - Amelia said, dragging Arizona to the kitchen and slowly kissing her.

The next morning was quite easy for both women, the kids have slept the whole night due to the late bedtime and they were still asleep while they were setting up the breakfast. Adam's party wouldn't start until 3 pm, so they would have plenty of time to get everything set up before the guests start to arrive.

After breakfast, Maggie arrived at the house to help them prep the party and allowed Amelia to go take a shower and get dressed since Arizona was about to come out of her shower, too.

When Amelia entered their bedroom, she caught Arizona wearing just a robe and with her hair still wet, sitting in bed and staring at what looked like an open jewelry box. Immediately Amelia's heart raced and she kind of gaped.

"What is it?" - Amelia asked and Arizona jumped, scared.

"My god, you scared me!" - Arizona complained, closing the box.

"What is it?" - Amelia repeated the question and Arizona took a deep breath before she started to explain.

"Amy, come here. Sit in here" - Arizona said, tapping the bed.

"What is happening, Arizona?" - Amelia sounded scared.

"Nothing is happening, baby, but I want something to happen. Can you just take a moment to realize how lucky we are? Look at us, at our family" - Arizona said, smiling and squeezing Amelia's hand.

"I know that. I wake up in an awe every day because I realize how lucky we are. But what is it, in your hands?" - Amelia insisted.

"This is my way to say that I want to marry you, my love. Because it doesn't make sense call you my girlfriend anymore. I already feel like you're my wife, my partner, the one I want to grow old with, the woman I share my whole life with. So why don't make it official?" - Arizona said, opening the box and showing Amelia the beautiful wedding ring she got.

"No, Arizona. No! Why would you do that? And why would you do that today? In our son's birthday?" - Amelia shouted.

"Well, I wasn't going to do that exactly today, but you caught me staring at it, it didn't make sense to just put in in the drawer!" - Arizona explained, still confused about Amelia's reaction.

"But why? Isn't it enough what we have? Our life? Our kids? I mean, Sofia wants to live in here with us. Isn't that great?" - Amelia said, pulling Arizona's hand closer to her chest.

"Of course it is great, but my daughter moving into our house doesn't change what I feel, Amy. I want to marry you and it isn't about being enough, it's about how grateful I am that I've found you and I want to show you that" - Arizona said, a little harshly.

"Why do we need marriage to show anything to each other? I love you and you love me. Isn't that enough?" - Amelia insisted.

"Amelia, why the hell is it so awful for me to ask you to marry me? Why are you treating me like I'm asking you to cut off both of your arms for me?" - Arizona asked, angrily.

"Because you know I don't want to change us. We already had this conversation. I don't believe in marriage, that's all" - Amelia said.

"You don't have to believe in marriage, but it would be good if you have a little faith on us" - Arizona said, standing up and walking away from Amelia.

"Don't do this, please. Can we, please, not get into a fight today? It's our baby first birthday party. Can we wait until tomorrow?" - Amelia asked, following Arizona and taking both of her hands and squeezing them.

"That's ok, Amy, we're not fighting. I just... we don't need to postpone this. You don't want to get married, so there's nothing much to discuss. Let's get past this, ok? I need to go back downstairs and help Maggie" - Arizona said with kind eyes and kissed Amelia on the cheek.

While Amelia was in the shower, she couldn't help but cry.

 _Idiot! I'm an idiot! Why am I turning down the proposal of the woman I love? I'm such an idiot!_ \- Amelia kept repeating that to herself.

The party started and the guests were arriving quickly. Meredith arrived with Zola, Bailey, and Ellis and the kids were excited to see Arizona, Amelia, and their cousins. Sofia and Zola were playing together, while Bailey, Ellis, and Adam were having a blast at the inflatable bounce house Arizona rented for the party. Arizona was keeping a close eye on them since Adam was too small yet and could get hurt easily. Meredith stopped beside the blonde and tapped her back.

"He's such a joy. You guys seem so happy" - Meredith said and Arizona smiled, nodding.

"Yes, we are. Adam just loves when the kids come in here. He feels like a toddler around them" - Arizona commented.

"He is just like you. Have you noticed that? He looks exactly like you, he even has the same dimples as you. But he's also perky and shiny. He is entirely you" - Meredith said and laughed.

"I think the features will change within the next two years, but he does look like me, right? My parents called me one day and asked me to tell them the truth, like 'are you sure you weren't pregnant with him and just didn't want to tell us?'" - Arizona laughed.

"I'm sorry they couldn't make it, Amelia tells me how wonderful they are with Sofia and Adam" - Meredith said.

"Yeah, well, my dad had a surgery recently, he's doing great but still can't be that much time sitting on a plane, but I will take a week off next month and we'll visit them, so they will have a second party all set up for Adam, I'm sure. My mom considered leaving my dad alone, I had to convince her to stay" - Arizona said.

They kept talking and although things were fine between Amelia and Arizona, they often exchange looks from a distance and Amelia could tell Arizona's eyes showed that she was sad. Amelia knew her eyes better than anyone else. She could still feel like the first time when she got lost in those pair of blue eyes.

It was time to cut the cake and everyone gathered around the table and started to sing happy birthday. Amelia was carrying him in her arms while Arizona was beside her, helping the boy to blow the candles. Both of them kissed the boy incessantly. They started to serve the cake to the guests, but before everyone started to walk away from the table, Amelia shouted.

"Everyone. Wait, please. Before the party continues, I just wanted to enjoy this moment to share something with you, since you're part of our family, too" - Amelia announced and everyone was paying attention. Arizona was even more surprised than the guests.

"Are you pregnant?" - Sofia exclaimed, making everyone laughs.

"No, honey, I'm not. I'm not pregnant. But come here, Sof. I want to do that with you by my side, would you?" - Amelia asked and the girl immediately obeyed, sitting on Amelia's lap.

"Amy, what's going on?" - Arizona whispered, confused.

"Hang on" - Amelia answered and looked at Sofia - "Sof, are you ready?" - Amelia asked.

"For what?" - the little girl squealed.

"The thing is, Sof, I really, REALLY love your Mommy, you know? I really do. And I think everyone in here knows that, too. They've watched me grow as an adult because of this love that I feel for her. And Sof, although I really love her, and I know she loves me back, I still can be quite an idiot" - Amelia said and Arizona was blushing.

"We're not supposed to say this word, it's a bad word" - Sofia pointed.

"Oh yes, it is. You're definitely not supposed to say it. But I have to say because it's what I am. I did so many wrong things in the past, that I'm still afraid I'll do everything wrong again. That's it, Sof. I'm scared, all the time" - Amelia said, looking at Sofia only.

"My Mommy says that it's ok to be scared sometimes because she will always be there to protect me. She can protect you, too" - Sofia said and that made Amelia's eyes fill with tears. That was the exact answer Amelia needed to hear.

"She will, right?" - Amelia asked, crying, and the girl nodded yes - "That's why, Sof, I wanted to ask you if you think it's ok for me to ask your mom to marry me?" - Amelia said and everyone had a unison "aweeeee".

"Yes!" - Sofia squealed and Amelia put her down on the floor, stood up and looked at Arizona, who was crying softly too.

"So, I'm done being scared. You were right, we should get married not because what we had isn't enough, but because it is too much, so we need more, we need everything we can have. And I need you, desperately. I need you and Adam and Sofia. I need our family. I need you as my wife. So, Arizona Robbins, would you marry me?" - Amelia said and everyone clapped.

"I would certainly do" - Arizona answered to the love her life.

 **THE END**


End file.
